Wedding Woes

Presidential Monday

Back in the USA with a full day to recoupe!
So my exSIL texted me to tell me my exH is visiting them soon and bringing his new gf, and she really has no desire to meet her from what she’s heard so far.  And apparently he was honest about our divorce and told her “there’s no temptation to go on those (adult/dating) sites and he doesn’t do that anymore”.  The EXACT line he gave me.  We’ll see if she is smart enough to ever find out (he’s good at covering it all up and is already spending money on her and her kids so maybe she’ll turn a blind eye?). He’s cheated on everyone he’s ever been with to my knowledge and leopards don’t change their spots. 
And before I left for my trip to Canada I signed up for Nadine West again (stitchfix but slightly less money). I used them 3 years ago but they kept sending crappy items.  The adverts I keep seeing show really nice clothes so i wantesd to try them again. They delivered them WAY to fast, and were sitting on my doorstop for 5 days.  I was so worried (because $400 in value was delivered to me) but thankfully noone took them.  Lucky me for sure.  But the clothes are just meh.  I will give them a few more shipments to get my style down before ending it again. 

Re: Presidential Monday

  • LOLz @ your Ex-H pretending he's reformed.   Boo to 'meh'.  

    We had a pretty decent weekend.  Friday night we went for a very chilly walk and then had a fire. 

    Saturday, we slept in, went to Costco (which was a madhouse) and a couple other stores, and then we went to our friend's son's bday party.  Another friend of ours was there and he told us that he and his brother bought a distillery.  His brother sold his stake in a brewery he founded last year and was looking for something different.  I'm excited for them and it sounds like they're in a good position to kind of 'plug and play' and then expand once they get a handle on it all.  

    Yesterday, we got up and went on a 3+ mile hike.  After that, I went out to get some stuff that we needed and couldn't find Saturday.  We took FIL out for his bday.  DefConn ended up spending the night at FIL's.  

    I got a pair of Columbia hiking boots and they are fantastic.  I did size up a half size and they fit perfectly.  

    All of management above me is off today, so it's quiet and I'm working from home.  
  • Exactly right that a leopard doesn't change their spots! 

    We had a nice and relaxing weekend. Made cornbread from homemade corn meal (ground up corn from the garden). So good. Tried to watch the new Top Gun movie and turned it off after 20 mins. Decided to watch Elvis instead and it was really good. 

    Finally ordered new tires - from Walmart - I thankfully saved a good amount of $$$. I'm having them put on tomorrow which means it definitely will not snow now :wink:

    Other than that, SSDD. 
  • Good Morning!  Had a pretty good weekend. 
    My birthday celebrations started on Thursday night with dinner out with a friend I've known since we were 3 yrs old!  She was in town visiting family for a week so I'm glad we could get together.  Friday night we ordered dinner in and just relaxed.  Saturday we took a drive as DH hadn't been out of the house all week (more later), did some errands.  Sunday was recliner church and then met family for a birthday lunch. I received a beautiful vase from DH's niece and it fell out of the car and shattered when we got home.  I feel awful!

    Today is my actual Bday and DH had flowers delivered this morning.  Received a fun Kudoboard from my work team.

    DH has some medical issues going on and hasn't been able to drive or work since before Christmas.  We've had ongoing testing that started with cardiac work up and that was fine.  We saw a neurologist last week and will begin more testing next week.  One possibility is that he has had a stroke or series of TIAs.  The neuro visit also showed some cognitive issues which I had been noticing at home.  So we'd love your thoughts, vibes, prayers for answers. 
  • Sending thoughts and vibes, @MNNEBride

    I'm back after a fairly packed weekend. We took Friday off and drove up to Kentucky. Traffic was a nightmare the whole way, I guess from the holiday weekend and kids are on whatever break, so we didn't get in until really late. Saturday was grandma's party, which turned out so great. Then I decided that the smartest thing I could do is go out with my 20-something cousins and act like I'm still 25. The night ended with 5 am pizza, so the drive back yesterday was not fun. I'm still exhausted. I think I'm going to bed as soon as I get done with work. 
  • Thanks for the reminder about Elvis @climbingsingle, I think I’ll do that today. I hope no more snow now too!
    @MNNEBride hope you get your answers soon.  Sorry you’re going through that :(. And Happy Birthday!
    @MyNameIsNot get your party ON!

  • @MNNEBride Big vibes.  Also, happy birthday!

    I'm feeling some sort of way.  It's odd to me that I'm doing so well with my actual work and boss here, but I am absolutely butting heads with a couple of people on staff.  I'm not perfect and I know that.  I overheard something I shouldn't, which was basically, "she doesn't take correction well".  And that statement absolutely encompasses how I feel...I make mistakes, I expect to, I'm still fairly new (it honestly takes 6 months to a year to learn the ins and outs of every office and their procedures).  I feel like some of the staff is completely unaccepting of any mistake because it inconveniences them.  And like...sorry?  But it's going to happen and it's not on purpose, stop "correcting" me like I'm a damn child and acting like I did it on purpose!!  I'm working really hard to stay in my lane and not push back; I'm struggling though.  It's draining me a bit.  Still nothing like the last job, but it is BUSY here and this is just something on my plate that I really would prefer to not have.

    Anyway, nothing much going on here.  Just working and waiting to go home.
  • Does the “correction” come from people you work/report for or from other people? Or is that not really how it works? 

    I ask because if I hired someone new I’d expect to be the one doing any coaching around how things are done or performance. Similarly if I observed something with a new hire that didn’t report into my but I worked with I’d talk to their manager if it was big enough to be addressed (not just a “oh they’re new we do things weird here they’ll get it eventually”). 
  • All the vibes your way @MNNEBride and happy belated birthday!
    Ugh hard eyeroll at your exH @CharmedPam
  • ((hugs)) @MNNEBride! And happy birthday.  <3 
  • Does the “correction” come from people you work/report for or from other people? Or is that not really how it works? 

    I ask because if I hired someone new I’d expect to be the one doing any coaching around how things are done or performance. Similarly if I observed something with a new hire that didn’t report into my but I worked with I’d talk to their manager if it was big enough to be addressed (not just a “oh they’re new we do things weird here they’ll get it eventually”). 
    It's not so much that i need training/coaching...I agree with that.

    It's that the people who are not involved in my training/coaching, think I need "correction" and that's how they approach it.  I'm being treated, by a small number of people, like I'm making mistakes on purpose or that I'm completely uneducated, NOT that I simply don't know X, Y, and Z and need to be told.  It really is that binary too, there seems to be no inbetween.

    I felt like I was crazy, but I have 2 people I trust here (my work bestie and the trainer i had that I really like and trust) that were like, "you're not crazy, this is their personalities, please work on letting it slide off of you, yes, easier said than done, just come vent if you need to."

    Today, I just got an email from one of them that is a passive aggressive way of being like, "Look at this thing I just did for you!  Here's how you need to handle it."  Only, I don't know why this person was 1. In my files, she is not my trainer or anyone above me in any manner; 2. She's about 3 steps behind my actual work b/c this "thing" was from 1/20/2023 and I've already resolved the thing, closed the file, and cleaned out the trust, and 3. Her "advice" on how to handle it was wrong (she misidentified what the "thing" was). She also cc'd my trainer and my boss.

    So, I sent an email back that said, I don't understand why I'm getting this.  This file has been disputed and closed with [agency].  Please advise" with screenshot showing the process I've already been through since 1/20/2023 and the status of the file.  The real annoyance is, the thing she did?  Was downloading a letter (which she misidentified). To get that letter to send me and advise me on...she had to look past the other work I did.  Literally, the screen says "Closed, $0.00" and she has to go past that screen to get to the letter she downloaded, which also had the dispute letter and resolution letter on it.  Just....what?  NOW I have to go to the floor to say, "This has already been taken care of last week, I did this and this as was reported in my memos to both of you" and implied WHY TF IS FC IN MY FILES?  Like don't you have A JOB that you say you're too busy at?

    What GIFs  Tenor

    I need to get over it.  Today is better and I can laugh at it.  I'm not saying I'm not a petty twat at times, but being able to be professionally petty with that response was nice.
  • Oh hell no. You’re handling it better than I would. I’d fly off the MFing handle if someone went through my files to do something shady like that. 
  • Well, NOW, I know what happened.  And it's more of the same tomfoolery.

    Basically I did something that was outside of their usual process.  I was not told, by anyone, that it was outside of the normal process and there were 2 opportunities for me to have been told I was doing this incorrectly according to firm proceedure.  At no point were those opportunities taken.  Then, 3 people got all together behind my back and came up with this plan, still never speaking to me, and never telling me what the actual damn issue was, until I straight up said, Why is this happening.  THEN, they told me and instead of accepting, "I'm sorry, I'll change my process", continued chastising me until I finally said, "I'm not arguing about this.  I didn't know, I wasn't told, I was wrong, and I'll change it for the future.  Is there anything else for me to handle?"  I guess they want me to just flay myself alive begging for forgiveness or something?  IDK.
  • Why the hell wouldn’t one of those people say to you, or to your trainer, or to your manager- “this is happening outside our procedure, please let her know ASAP”. And then give you the actual opportunity to change? 

    Clearly I’d be handling it just like you are so I’m zero help at the letting things slide piece. 
  • I just spoke with my main boss and filled in even more gaps.  Apparently the 3 of them went to him, and b/c he doesn't know the procedure either (and shouldn't, not his job), told them to do what they needed to do to investigate it.  And this is the way they chose to handle it.

    I still dont' really understand, b/c I'm like, ALL that had to happen was someone saying, Hey, Varuna...we don't do X, without Y.  Please fix for next time.  But like...they STILL haven't done that, I've basically just figured it out.

    Anyway, main boss and I spoke and he's very happy with my work and has no concerns.  He did say, "We all have to be nice to each other, this is a small place".  I did respond, "I am not having issues being nice, I'm not an exceptionally un-nice person".  It does make me think that the poeple that I feel like are picking on me (good lord, I feel like a child saying that, but it's true) are trying stuffs, it's just not getting through b/c I am good at my job.
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited February 2023
    WTF? This is so petty.  It reeks of either hazing (so gross and childish) or, like, they recommended someone for the job and you got it instead and they're upset about it (completely immature).  Why would you want to see someone fail/flail? 

    Good on you for not letting it get to you to anyone's face.  Also, bossman should have the 'being nice' chat with them. 

    Vent away.  Middle fingers for all of them. 
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