“Kelly” and “Lily” and I have been a trio of friends for years and lived in the same town until Kelly moved about a year ago. Leading up to her move, I felt somewhat sad, but honestly mostly relieved she was out of my day-to-day life. I love her very much as a friend, but I’m happier that she’s a “catch up once a month on the phone” kind of a friend now and not a two-three times a week hang. Lily and I still see each other often and are closer than ever.
Kelly recently came into town, and it was so nice for the three of us to get together! We got a bit carried away and decided we all absolutely had to take a trip to Portugal together this winter. We’ve all been separately but never together, and decided it’s a special place to all of us that we’ll all definitely be returning to in the future. Now that the shine of our nice little visit has worn off, I absolutely do not want to take this trip (or any trip) with Kelly…but I would love to go with Lily!
My biggest reason is that Kelly has a disordered relationship with eating and exercise, which is both upsetting and tedious to be around up close and personal. There are also a ton of small reasons relating to her very particular preferences and general lack of planning skills. The three of us went on a short weekend trip a few years ago and it straight up wasn’t fun. Additionally, my and Lily’s partners know each other really well, but Kelly has only been with her partner for less than a year and Lily hasn’t met him. He’s nice, but not someone I would want to vacation with, and my partner didn’t click with him either. I’m looking at my vacation days now and wondering, is there any way Lily and I and our partners can head off to Portugal or somewhere else together? Or should we skip it this year and try to revisit it after some time has passed since the initial idea? I haven’t asked Lily what she thinks yet, and I’ve really avoided talking with her about Kelly in general because I don’t want to be negative and gossipy toward our friend together. And again, I really love Kelly, I just don’t want to try to navigate the world together even for a short time!
—Got Ahead of Myself