Wedding Woes

Continue to foster your own relationships or move on

Dear Prudence,

I was in my late-twenties when I got together with my girlfriend. We met on trips to the pub after work (we worked at the same place, but not together), and I just found myself magnetically drawn to her all the time. When I told our colleagues we were dating, I heard all sorts of things about how wonderful she was, how much they all loved her … basically, she was the most brilliant person in every room, and she was choosing me. Nothing had ever made me feel so loved and so confident.

Two years on and I am finding a flip-side to this. Friends of mine that she’s got to know now text her more than they text me. People at parties ask me where she is and walk away if I say she’s not coming. My young nieces and nephews will wrap her in hugs and will hardly acknowledge me. One friend has been with her boyfriend for 10 years and he never wanted to hang out with me—now whenever we meet up, she passes on the message that he is coming and can I bring my girlfriend. The confidence that I first got from being the one chosen by “the sun” of every room she’s in now just makes me feel like I’m the guest star in my own relationship (actual words someone used to describe me). I obviously love that she fits in with my friends and family so well. How do I stop myself feeling I’m being squeezed out of my own relationships?

Re: Continue to foster your own relationships or move on

  • Options
    Well, look at what makes her personality attractive to others. Consider whether or not a behavioral modification for you may help. 
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    Sounds like you’re jealous of your girlfriend. Take some time to think about why that is. But also is she setting up all the plans? Is she more likely to respond to friends that you are? Does she foster relationships and spend time with these people? 
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    It's amazing how relationships evolve and influence our lives in unexpected ways. Feeling like a guest star can be tough, but open communication with your girlfriend about how you're feeling could be a helpful first step. Setting boundaries and expressing your emotions can strengthen your relationship and ensure your needs are acknowledged too. Remember, relationships require balance and understanding from both sides. Wishing you the best in finding that balance!
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2023
    *looks one comment up* I seriously wonder if there are bots responding on here using ChatGPT, lol. 

    Anyway, I feel like this may have been an issue with niece and her ex, T.  Everyone loved T.  Teased her that we were gonna keep him over her and all the kids adored him because he let them climb all over him and played with them.  BIL took T on a trip with him. He is a super nice and sweet kid and I liked him just fine.   When they broke up (she ended it), everyone was devastated and she chafed hard against it all. 

    Reading this letter, it does make me feel bad for my niece a little.  I'm sure it was hard to break up with the golden boy.  I have commended her for choosing her happiness instead of staying in a relationship that was no longer serving her. 

    FWIW, it was a HS relationship and I did say often to not expect them to 'go the distance' once they went to college and started forming relationships with new people and having very different experiences. 

    If LW doesn't have an issue with his relationship with their GF, then they need to do some introspection.  But if she's also this great, awesome, magnetic, relatable person, then I'd hope LW would talk to her about their feelings. She may have some empathy and/or suggestions for LW. 
  • Options
    Oh look, my exes wrote in to b!tch about me one last time.

    Both my long term relationships complained about very similar things. I got a lot of shit for "having a great support system", "so many friends", and loads of other things that this letter is stating.  I even heard down the grapevine that I was being called a narcissist, that I had a "cult of personality" and I didn't have friends, I had "sycophants."  Just ridiculous AF and how insulting to my friends, nevermind me.

    Honestly, eff off LW.  What do YOU DO in these relationships that you are being squeezed out of?  Do you reach out?  Are you the planner?  Do you emotionally engaged with these other people?  Do you speak to them at all, or is she carrying your sorry ass on her shoulders to be social?

    Get some therapy, LW, and stop blaming your GF for being great.  Break up with her if this is going to continue to be an issue...she OBVIOUSLY deserves better than you.
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