Wedding Woes

OMG, stop self-flagellating and be a good friend from here on out.

Dear Prudence,

I am feeling extreme remorse about how I treated a once-close friend. I was envious of her appearance and relationship, and when she made a mistake in her personal life, I turned on her and used it to make her look bad for years. Remarkably, and as a testament to her character, we have reconciled and I am trying to do what I can to make things right—as much as I can after obliterating someone’s trust and reputation. I am just so ashamed that I performed the classic woman-against-woman viciousness that I thought I was above as a progressive and smart woman. What do I do with this knowledge that I fell victim to one of patriarchy’s greatest ploys and hurt someone in the process?

—Consequences of My Own Actions

Re: OMG, stop self-flagellating and be a good friend from here on out.

  • You stop being so eye-rollingly dramatic about it, own that you were mean and are lucky that she forgave you, and improve personal quality going forward. 
  • SIB:

    It's disappointing the LW still hasn't fully taken ownership for what she did.  I'm not arguing that living in patriarchal societies suck and are extra toxic.  But it's still 100% her fault that she was a shitty friend.  Stop blaming "patriarchy's greatest ploy", smh. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You reconciled but did you genuinely apologize for it? And not an apology where you just blamed society? If you did then take responsibility that you were shitty, all on your own, and then move on. 

  • Yeah sounds like she’s moved on so you need to tone it down and not do it again. 
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