Wedding Woes

I'm not sure you will get what you need from him.

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and we are completely in love with each other. We both have experienced some pretty terrible relationships in the past with other people, but now we are in a loving, positive place. He has expressed that he had his first time under the influence when he was 21 years old. He said he regretted it and feels that relationships should not be based on the physical aspect. To some extent, I agree that relationships shouldn’t be based on sex.

We live a distance away from each other and we spend hours on video calls every night. Recently, I have been craving more attention from him but I have noticed that any slight remark or “flirt” that I make has made him feel uncomfortable, and he always says, “No, don’t say that…” or brushes me off. Don’t get me wrong, he treats me well, supports me, and he gives me the most beautiful compliments. I love him but I truly wish that he would express some interest in me. I would talk to him about it, but how do I say, “Please show some sexual interest in me because I am dying of need?” without coming across as weird, desperate, and pathetic?

—Desperate for Sexual Attention

Re: I'm not sure you will get what you need from him.

  • It doesn’t sound like he can give you what you need. And that’s fine it just might not be the relationship for you. But yes you can say “the physical part of a relationship is important to me, can we talk about what that can look like and what you’re comfortable with”. And see how he reacts. If he shuts it down it’s probably not going to work without him addressing what has happened to him. 
  • This isn’t a real relationship. Break things off and focus on people you can actually see in person. 
  • I'm getting the vibe that they haven't even met in person.  If so, the LW needs to stop being delusional that they are both "completely in love" and cut things off.

    I'm not anti long distance relationships, even if they start out that way.  But you really don't know someone until you can meet them in person.

    Plus wanting to feel sexually desired by your partner if they aren't capable of doing that is a pretty big problem. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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