Dear Prudence,
I’ve been living in a red state for the past few years. I was having a rough go and my sister invited me to move to the red state with her and my now brother-in-law. I’m now proudly on my own, with a job that I dislike but pays a living wage. And I’m completely miserable. I don’t like it here. It’s cold, and I’m a liberal, not married, childless woman of color living in a politically red, 93 percent white, MAGA town. I’ve been longing to return to the welcoming/LGBTQ+ friendly/ethnically diverse bosom of my East Coast liberal big city. I actually have a job interview for a position I’m perfect for, that pays enough to afford the expensive cost of living. But now I don’t want to leave my sister.
She’s my favorite person and since my arrival, she’s had a baby who is legitimately my best friend. I know that she could handle life without me, but I do provide companionship and free babysitting. Her husband is not the best at picking up on cues (or direct instruction) that she needs him to get off his phone and help around the house or with the kid. I have a natural sister’s intuition where I can anticipate her needs, and try not to hold it against him that he just… doesn’t. I feel guilty leaving her without a decent helper and I cry whenever I think about not being able to see my nephew regularly. To add to the “stay” column, I recently met a man (in an activist group of like-minded lefty political types), and we are together and I’m falling in love with him. I applied for this job before we got together, and I’m also wondering how to bring this up with him. Should I stay and hope the good parts of my life (supportive family/ partner) overshadow the bad (political environment/ I hate my job?). I’m also afraid of moving back to my home state and regretting leaving my favorite people. I fear it won’t be worth it and I’ll be alone. Any advice you could provide would be appreciated.
—Should I Stay or Should I Go?