Wedding Woes

She can't unring this bell. File, LW.

Dear Prudence,

My wife of 20 years has just told me that our romantic relationship is over, but she will consider exploring a different arrangement that will allow us to stay together and raise our three children. I’m blindsided and heartbroken, but I also know that I don’t want an arrangement: I want us to be married in every sense or I want a divorce. She says she understands, but we shouldn’t rush into any quick decisions. I honestly don’t know where this leaves us. Am I supposed to have dinner every night with someone who doesn’t love me anymore? Are we supposed to do things as a family as if nothing has changed? I can barely bring myself to be in the same room as her. Am I ridiculous for wanting to go ahead and end things if that’s where we’re headed anyway?

—Broken in Brooklyn

Re: She can't unring this bell. File, LW.

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    I think you need to see an attorney.  She's trying to re-set the terms of your legal arrangement made 20 years ago.  Tell her what you're willing to do but like Meatloaf, you won't do that.
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    If you were ok with arrangement, then great - live that way even if it's unconventional. She's telling you what she wants - but you also get a say! If it's not what you want, file for divorce. 
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    There are a lot of situations where a quick decision is fine.  This is one of them.

    The LW still loves his wife, but he won't be able to heal and move on if he stays and pretends to be the happy husband.  Especially knowing she doesn't love him in a romantic way and is out there dating other people.  That would be abject torture to me. 

    Extra rough she didn't even consider couples counseling first.  Pretty sure she is already in an "arrangement".
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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