Wedding Woes
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You don't have to invite her, but there are bigger fish to fry in general.

Dear Prudence,

I have been keeping together a book club of 10 women. We have stopped getting together, skipped meetings and sometimes only one or two people will show. I am the person who revives us every time. Last night we had six and it was great. I have had trouble with one of the women for years. Her kid has relationally bullied my daughter or ignored other kid’s bad treatment of her. My kid is no angel and is annoying sometimes but her kid is never the problem. My kid left high school and has not spoken to her for two years.

A few weeks ago, a group of four kids harassed and screamed at my daughters in a public place, which they both felt intimidated by. I texted the woman and she felt horrible, describing it as bullying and harassment. I said, “I hope your daughter can apologize” and she agreed that it was a good idea. She then texted me days later and told me not to tell her how to raise her kids. This woman is really much more clever at social games and triangulation. My question: Do I walk away from the group? Do I tell everyone else and let them decide what to do? I am afraid of her. My younger daughter will be a freshman at the same high school next year and I am afraid of continued bullying.

—Do I Book It Out of the Club?

Re: You don't have to invite her, but there are bigger fish to fry in general.

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Deal with each situation separately.

    If your daughter is being bullied DOCUMENT IT.  I say this as a parent who did and pursued an investigation with her kid's school on the matter.

    This letter reads as odd but if the woman's kid was actually the bully then I'd be clear with her that you aren't telling her how to raise her children however you are hoping that there can be a resolution to the behavior and expressed remorse.  If the resistance continues then I'd probably stop any relationship with her.

    If your complaint is that her kid witnessed it and didn't do anything I think you need to let that go. 
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm not certain whether or not you have this book club, or have her in the book club, has anything to do with whether her daughter or anyone else will bully your kids at school, if they're at the same school, or see each other elsewhere.

    Is it just that you have trouble being around this woman knowing how much she doesn't take this seriously? I can get that, but LW doesn't actually say it - the only hint is the sign off. I actually haven't been to my own book club in a while because one of the members is married to one of DJT's immunity lawyers (I knew her long before he took that direction in his law practice), and I genuinely don't know how that couple looks themselves in the mirror.
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm not certain whether or not you have this book club, or have her in the book club, has anything to do with whether her daughter or anyone else will bully your kids at school, if they're at the same school, or see each other elsewhere.

    Is it just that you have trouble being around this woman knowing how much she doesn't take this seriously? I can get that, but LW doesn't actually say it - the only hint is the sign off. I actually haven't been to my own book club in a while because one of the members is married to one of DJT's immunity lawyers (I knew her long before he took that direction in his law practice), and I genuinely don't know how that couple looks themselves in the mirror.
    Oh shit.  I'd have so many questions, but yeah...I'd have a hard time with that. 
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    The LW should stop holding the book club together, if there is a lot of flaking anyway.  Or stop inviting this woman, since the LW is the one keeping the club together.  But she shouldn't become a "gossiping, mean girl" herself by airing the dirty laundry between them.  If anyone asks where that woman is, she can keep it general like, "We've had some personal differences, so I didn't invite her.  But I totally understand you all will, when you are hosting."

    But a barely hanging on book club seems the least of her worries.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    I have been keeping together a book club of 10 women. We have stopped getting together, skipped meetings and sometimes only one or two people will show. I am the person who revives us every time. Last night we had six and it was great. I have had trouble with one of the women for years. Her kid has relationally bullied my daughter or ignored other kid’s bad treatment of her. My kid is no angel and is annoying sometimes but her kid is never the problem. My kid left high school and has not spoken to her for two years.

    A few weeks ago, a group of four kids harassed and screamed at my daughters in a public place, which they both felt intimidated by. I texted the woman and she felt horrible, describing it as bullying and harassment. I said, “I hope your daughter can apologize” and she agreed that it was a good idea. She then texted me days later and told me not to tell her how to raise her kids. This woman is really much more clever at social games and triangulation. My question: Do I walk away from the group? Do I tell everyone else and let them decide what to do? I am afraid of her. My younger daughter will be a freshman at the same high school next year and I am afraid of continued bullying.

    —Do I Book It Out of the Club?

    Did this woman poll all her friends and days later changes her mind about how to handle it? 
    Also, off topic and I’m not even sure why this annoys me but the repetitive word “kid” when describing your child does.  I can’t help but think of goats.  A FB acquaintance always calls her daughter “my kid” and I dunno, doesn’t look right.  Once and a while I get, but she always calls her “my kid”.

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    LW is a little all over the place, but when she says this daughter left high school two years ago, I'm assuming the daughter who was a victim of this bully was an adult when she was bullied in a public place. Obviously that's not ok, but if she's no longer a student there really isn't any involvement for the school. It also seems like they're pretty old to have parents getting involved with requiring apologies. Even if left high school means she switched schools or dropped out freshman year, she'd have to be at least 16. 

    On the book club, these things do have shelf lives. If you've gotten to the point where one person is reviving it, it's run it's course. Let it die and find a new club without this woman. 
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    Find a new book club. Or let someone else organize it. 

    But also it’s weird that LW says she’s afraid of this woman when it sounds like this woman might not be the most engaged parent but didn’t threaten, harass, or say anything rude to LW. 

    If your child is being bullied handle that with the school. But you also don’t have to hang out with he bully’s parent who doesn’t seem concerned (or does at first and then doesn’t. I don’t know this entire letter is confusing). 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This letter is all over the place. You're upset about a book club that people don't really attend anyways? There's bullying? You can't navigate social interactions? 


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