Wedding Woes

Leave him and also, use birth control.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 24-year-old woman. I’ve worked in factory jobs since I was 18, which is where I met my best friend and married him at 19. Looking back, it might have been an impulse decision. After two years of marriage, we split due to his neglect and the way he treated my daughter. We got back together six months later and have been together ever since. We had a surprise child together almost two years ago, even though I didn’t want to have one with him. I was a stay at home mom for maybe a year, and then he got fired so now he stays home and I work. He doesn’t do house duties and is terrible with the children. So after I get off a 12-hour shift, I have to come home and still do everything else. He is supposed to be doing schooling, but he hasn’t shown an effort recently. We get along for the most part, but if anyone else is around, he demeans me and is very rude.

I could probably spend the rest of my life with him, but I fear I would be very unfulfilled. I just want to be alone, but I don’t want to hurt him. Things are mostly fine, but I feel like I’m just settling. He is the only person I have in my life, so I don’t have a babysitter besides him. But it seems like he makes my life harder than it should be. If I leave, I know he will be upset and lash out like he did when we split the first time. Please help me. I feel like I am stuck in my life but I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have no freedom, and I lost who I used to be.

—I’m Stuck

Re: Leave him and also, use birth control.

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Find a career counselor and start talking about resources for single women.  

    Then get yourself to a great therapist and a lawyer and leave the person who has no intentions of ever trying to be your equal or a quality parent. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What you're describing is abuse. He is not an equal partner. You're afraid of him "lashing out" and he verbally abuses you in public. You are 24. Get out.

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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 23
    I hope this LW reads the other Prudie letter published the same week.  The one with the woman who regrets wasting her youth on a guy that was never very loving with her.  And at least he had a good job!

    I want to (symbolically) shake some sense into her.  This guy is a LOSER!  It's better to be alone than with someone like this.  Plus if she wants a good relationship, she's not going to find a man who values her while she is with him.  She's so young and has her whole life ahead of her.

    She also needs to stop caring what he thinks about it and that he'll get upset.  He doesn't care that she works 12-hour days, while he only watches the kids and doesn't do any housework.  Though if "lashing out" includes physical violence, then she needs to be much more careful about how she leaves. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    LW, if you leave him, you are going to be broke, struggle, and it's going to be very, very hard.  But you deserve better and so do your kids.  Trust me, getting out of this situation will remove so much weight from your shoulders just because you don't have him lurking about to do jack-shit while you work long days and demean you the minute you're around a 3rd party.  Removing his noise from your daily life will make it better. I promise. 
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