Wedding Woes
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It's always turned on the 'messenger'.

Dear Prudence,

My brother “Brad” is an unabashed sexist whom I generally try to steer clear of. Recently, I attended a family event where we both were and was shocked when he introduced his fiancée, “Olivia.” My brother’s attitude toward women comes as if it were lifted straight from Mad Men, and I can’t imagine any self-respecting woman wanting to be with someone like that. Olivia and I managed to have a brief conversation while we were both finishing in the restroom and she mentioned how one of the things she loves about Brad is how helpful he is around their apartment. My brother is decidedly allergic to cleaning, cooking, and basically anything he believes a woman should be doing. I find it impossible to believe he’s changed and feel like I should tell Olivia if she knows what she’s signing up for. If I was in her position, I’d want to know.  

—Duty to Warn

Re: It's always turned on the 'messenger'.

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I don't know that anything good comes of the approach the LW wants to take.  If she DOES want to say something I'd tread lightly with a 'Oh he must truly love you.  I've never seen him even know where a vacuum was much less know how to turn it on!"   Which is different from "Oh sweetheart you're in for a world of hurt once the bud is off your rose"
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited June 6
    I don't think giving the GF any sort of warning will win friends and influence people here.  Also, you're discounting that he might have changed (even slightly). Maybe he does pick up a broom now and again because she asks him the 'right' way?  Who knows? 

    Anyway, if you steer clear of your brother, that means his partner too.  I don't think comments from a semi-estranged sibling will hold much weight to them. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    banana468 said:
    I don't know that anything good comes of the approach the LW wants to take.  If she DOES want to say something I'd tread lightly with a 'Oh he must truly love you.  I've never seen him even know where a vacuum was much less know how to turn it on!"   Which is different from "Oh sweetheart you're in for a world of hurt once the bud is off your rose"
    This. I guess you could always do the "Oh wow, you must have worked some magic! I'm glad he's turned a new leaf!" 


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    I agree with you all.  I'd make a light comment about that isn't usually how he is and then let it go.

    Maybe she'll remember those words and bail out sooner, when he starts to show his true colors.

    Or maybe that was always just big talk.  Now that he is with a woman he cares about, he's not actually as big of jerk as the LW thinks he is.
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