Dear Prudence,
I am stuck in the middle of a relationship that I can’t seem to escape, and I’m only getting the bad parts. My two closest friends and I all live in the same area, and they have been dating for about a year and a half. We’re all in college, but school is out right now and so I have zero community besides them. I have almost no other friends in town, and despite trying, I don’t have many school friends. I’m trying to get work and I’m also volunteering this summer, but overall, I have hardly anyone in my life.
My two friends started dating when we were all stuck in a very queerphobic school and community, so I was literally the only safe person they could talk to about stuff. Things have changed, but not much, and at the end of the day for three lonely queer kids, we don’t have many options for now.
I am going crazy. They’ve had a lot of relationship issues recently, and they’ve both been leaning on me a lot. I try to keep boundaries (I make sure I’m never a go-between or trying to tell them what to do), and to their credit they do care about me and listen when I need something, but I’m still exhausted hearing about it from both of them.
I feel really bad because I know they don’t have much support, but realistically, I am not a romantic person at all, and I have a lot going on in my life. I want to be there for them, but it’s become less of a welcome distraction and more of a tedious “why can’t they just figure it out” mindset for me. This is the biggest thing in both of their lives right now, and I’m trying not to scream “please just break up and spare everyone the struggle.” Sometimes I just mute their texts to get some me time, but I want friends!
I know the answer is probably to talk to them about it, but I feel like there’s nothing any of us can do since we’re all we have. Is there a way to shift the vibe of our friendship without just losing each other? I don’t know how much longer I can be a shoulder to cry on for both of them at the same time!
—Monkey in the Middle