"we're working on it!" or just be honest

Casadena

Dear Prudence, 

My wife and I have been married for a little over one year. Everyone knew we wanted kids right away. Unfortunately, in the time we’ve been married, we’ve experienced two pregnancies that both ended in miscarriage. How should we respond when people ask us, “Hey, when are you two going to have a baby already?” I don’t want to be rude or dismissive, but it’s also frustrating because we both would love a baby, and it just hasn’t been in the cards for us.

—Childfree, Not By Choice

MyNameIsNot

"Wow, what an invasive question!"

CharmedPam

I can’t stand this question. And It’ll get asked till the end of time. 

Casadena

Also, don't advertise your plans for a baby ASAP and then get annoyed or shocked when people ask you about it. I'm rolling my eyes hard at this couple. 

In general, yes it's an intrusive question and people shouldn't ask it. But if you're making a big enough deal about it that everyone knows your trying, I don't think it's unreasonable for people close to you to ask how it's going. 

short+sassy

I know this is a sensitive subject for most people and they don't want to share their troubles.  However, if they don't mind, being blunt it's very effective.  Like, "We've been trying, but keep having miscarriages.  It's been emotionally devastating.  Thanks for reminding us."

But I see @Casadena's point also.  People still shouldn't ask, since they'll be told when it happens and the LW/Wife are ready to let people know.  But they did open themselves up to it by making it common knowledge they were trying for a baby.

A less pointed reply could be, "We're trying, but it hasn't happened yet.  We'll let you know when it does and we're ready to announce it.  But please don't ask us about it until then."

VarunaTT

I'm liking the technique of genuinely questioning people.  "Why would you ask us that?" and watch the other person fumble.  Or just perfectly blunt, "We've had 2 miscarriages, but continue to try.  Would you like us to update you on all further intimate details or is this enough?"  People are so thoughtless, even when mixed with good intentions.