Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Bridal party Bails!

My fiance's brother and four kids were set to be in our wedding, one groomsmen, ring bearer, two flower girls and a junior bridesmaid. It;s three months till the wedding and they just told us that they can no longer be in he wedding and just his brother will "try" to attend the wedding as a guest!!!!!!!!! I am so furious over this because not only are they majorly letting us down but I have already bought a lot of things for them and they are leaving a huge hole in our ceremony. We do not know any other kids to be flower girl/ ring bearers. Do you think it would look ok without all of thos people? Does anyone have any suggestions to fill these huge gaps?

SO Frustrated

Re: Bridal party Bails!

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    I think it is better for people to drop out then be a pain. My BM just dropped out and my wedding is in 4 months. I figured she was starting to be a pain anyway.
     Sell the childrens clothing and just do not need to  have a FG and RB. Finding another groomsman will be cool or just have an uneven numebr. It is tough for you I understand , it was very rude of them, but perhaps there is something going on that you do nto know.

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    It certainly isn't rude of them to back out of the wedding.  Having 5 people in your wedding is a lot of time and expense for them!  They gave you three months notice, so relax.  It sucks that they can't make it, but it isn't the end of the world.  It sounds like they'd have to travel, with 4 kids, that's a huge pain and expense. 

    You have every right to be disappointed, but being furious is completely out of line. 

    Sell or give away anything you've bought for them.  Other than that, just go with what you have.  If you purchased their attire and can't resell it, you can ask them to reimburse you.  There will be no hole in your ceremony.  Do not replace them.  (What an insult to both the brother and the second stringer!).  Leave your WP as is.  You certainly don't need children or any attendants to make your ceremony complete. 
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    Did he give a reason?  My brother said that he'd "try" to attend my wedding, because money is really tight for them, so I told him that I'd do my best to help him financially if he needed to, and I've been helping him to find deals on travel and accommodations.

    Maybe it's a work thing?  I was in a wedding OOT this summer, and FI couldn't go with me because he couldn't get off work.  When I was in my sister's wedding last fall, he was only able to get the time off by telling them that he was the one in the wedding.  Especially in this economy, he may not want to risk his job by taking the time off.

    They're not leaving a huge hole; child attendants aren't required, and if you simply don't have them, no one will really notice that they're missing.  Unless you plan to actually leave an empty space where the GM and junior BM would have stood, no one will think that there's a gap.

    If they had told you the week of the wedding that they weren't going to be able to make it, you would be entitled to be pretty mad.  But since they gave you plenty of notice, you're seriously overreacting.  You can resell anything that you can no longer use, or donate it and take the tax write-off.  But unless his brother specifically asked you to buy this stuff, I wouldn't ask for reimbursement.  If it really is a financial issue, having to pay you back for the various odds and ends may be the difference between attending as guests and not attending at all.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    To be honest, I see FAR more weddings that don't have kiddies in them than do.  No one will notice, nor care, that you don't have children traipsing down the aisle.

    Look at it this way:  your RD just got smaller, thus less expensive.  And as your WP is also considerably smaller now, you'll be saving more $$ and have less drama.  Sounds okay to me.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I agree that the child attendants are not necesary. If they didn't pull out of the wedding because of some conflict with you, and you still love them all, then ,ist them in the program anyway.

    I would be more concerned about WHY they dropped out. It could be a financial thing that you can't help, but I wonder if there isn't some sort of conflict going on that you aren't facing. If its not financial, and they are isolating themselves from you and the rest of the family, then that issue needs to be addressed separately from any wedding issues.
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    I would be more concerned with why a sibling would drop out of another sibling's wedding, rather than be mad that some stuff might go unused. I think you're missing the bigger picture here.

    Also, seeing as how this is your FI's brother, how does your FI feel about all this? It's more his place to be upset than yours. And if he says it's fine, then you should be as well.

    People matter. Numbers do not matter.
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    No, I am very much concerned that his brother is dropping out because he has SO many family issues and this part of his family is really the only part that cared! It's not just about all my time and money going to waste, I really don't see how you could ditch your brother like that??? He claims it's a money issue but we have payed for practically everything1 That is what I am not understanding but at this point I'm just about over it!
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    So it sounds like your FI needs to talk to him. Maybe he's going through a rough time right now.

    But in the end, you and FI need to respect his brother's decision if he truly doesn't want to participate. It's frustrating to have to change your plans around, but this isn't the end of the world. Like a PP said, be glad that you got fairly advanced notice - and you can return, sell or give away the things you already bought for them. Try the Trash to Treasure board on the Nest, or Craigslist, or donate the items to a worthy charity.
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    I don't think it's a big issue.  If they say it's a money problem, but you've paid for everything, there's probably something more.  Either way, I wouldn't freak out about what the issue is.  They're giving you a lot of fair notice.  I've lost 3 people from my wedding party, including my MOH, and it's really not that big of a deal.  It's their perogative.
    Amanda G.
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    ...You could always put an ad out on Craigslist and hire stand-ins...
    image "Always love. Don't wail til the finish line."-Nada Surf
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    I don't think that you are out of line in being upset, I would be pissed!  You would think that when they agreed to be in the wedding they would understand that there are expenses associated with that. They didn't have to agree to it earlier.  But as of now all you can do is deal with it. Like what other people have said, you can sell some of the things that were bought for them. Honestly not having a flower girl or ring bearer might save you some headache.
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