Having a Cermony/Reception after you get married

karliebrown16

I need thoughts on this... My fiance and I want a nice wedding!  One problem... we're going to have to pay for it all ourselves!   We are planning to get married at the JP soon so that we don't have to wait.  Money is the only thing holding us back from getting married RIGHT NOW.  What are your thoughts on having a very nice vow renewal ceremony and reception like a year or so later so that we can save and plan and still have something very nice?  I don't want to not have it and cheat ourselves out of that.  Can we still do the whole bridesmaid and groomsmen thing?Thanks for the help!  I'm kind of torn!  I'm a girly girl and want the dress and the cake and the whole nine yards, but we're making ourselves crazy waiting for all of the "fun stuff" that comes with marriage.  His father is a pastor, and our religion is a factor... so you can understand what I mean by "fun stuff!" 

SHUVUU

I think it is a very mature thing to do. I admire that.

abramlett79

This is just my opinion, so prepare yourself and try not to be offended...Marriage is not all about the "fun stuff". Sometimes its hard work, you have to be willing to support one another for the rest of your life and you have to be willing to go thru anything and everything with your future spouse. If you are wanting to get married just for the "fun stuff" that you can't have due to your religious views, I would WAIT if I were you. Think about why you really want to get married. I'm sure you both love and care about each other. But don't rush into getting married just for the sake of being married. Being husband and wife means so much more than that.Good luck.

SHUVUU

Oh! I didn't answer your question. Yes you can have twenty bridesmaids, a horse-drawn carriage, a twenty tier cake and a fancy 12 course meal if you are paying for it. lol! I'm being silly but, you get what I mean, don't you?

ayersfam20

I think it's a great idea.  KMueller had a 1 year "vow renewal" wedding in Mexico on the beach in June.  It was beautiful!

happydragon

Wait but if your FIL is a pastor and religion is a factor wouldnt they be super mad if you got married at the JOP and not in a church? I mean, if you are concerned about 'fun stuff' before the wedding isnt it just as bad to get married at the JoP and not in a church and/or not by FFIL?

ayersfam20

lol @ Shu, your sense of humor cracks me up.  I love it.

abramlett79

Let me also add.....I think it's totally fine to do the JP thing and wait to have a big celebration later. I see nothing wrong with having a beautiful dress, the cake, bridesmaids, etc. I think a wedding is more to celebrate your life together in front of friends and family than to just get married....It's your choice and you should do what makes you happy.

shelly0921

I don't think there is anything wrong with it.  I agree with Shuvuu - it's the mature thing to do.  You have recognized before you start the planning process how expensive it can be. 

SHUVUU

@ ayers, thank you. @ happydragon, to answer your question from a religious perspective, God honors a marriage covenant whether it's by a JOP or a priest. It's the church that sometimes gets all hung up on 'church weddings'

STBMrsMartin

I think it is absolutely more than okay getting married at the JP then having a celebration later. Everyone has their reasons why they get married at the JP first and then have a celebration later. My sister in law is doing the same. She got married before her husband got deployed 2 years ago and now they will have a traditional wedding in January since they both didn't want to miss out on their wedding. Girl do what you want. Get the BMs & GMs and doo all the fun stuff. I have heard alot of people wait years to get married because of the $$$. Don't let $$ hold you back. Marriage is not about the wedding it is about you sharing your future with your partner. If $$ held us back we would have never gotten married.

happydragon

ahhh ok. I was like  wait! dont make the pastor pappa mad! because that would just invite the dramas.

SHUVUU

@ karliebrown, you don't even need to go to the JOP. If you talk to your FI's dad (a pastor) and tell him that you want to go ahead and get married to honor your values, he can wed you in his office with two witnesses. My pastor has offered to do that instead of having people go into debt just to be married. He might be honored to do it and you'll still have him as the officiator.

karliebrown16

Yes, I totally get what you are saying!  We are not in it just for the "fun stuff."  BUT we've been together for a year and a half, so we're not rushing into something after 2 months of dating or anything.  We are in it for the marriage and the long haul... forever, and know times can be rough as we've already been through some things together.  We've done the premarital counseling, etc.  We know that we are perfect for each other and he's definitely "the one"!  As far as the JP thing goes... his father won't be able to marry us anyway.  We'll be getting married at our venue and not in a church.  His biological parents split when he was 3 before his dad was in the ministry and it would crush him mom(doesn't like him too much, the dad, still holding a grudge) if his dad married us.  I left that decision up to him, it kind of crushes me for his dad.

happydragon

Im wedding emotional and the thought of the dad marrying them makes me tear up. I think thats so beautiful. Remember when Jlo gets married at the JP and she wears that super cute dress?

karliebrown16

Thank you STBMrsMartin!!  That's exactly how I was thinking about it, I just didn't know if it would be considered tacky to have a "girls weekend/bachelorette party" and showers, etc. if you're already married.

STBMrsMartin

Oh I love the wedding planner!!! One of my favorite movies!!

Eboix518

as long as your guests know that you guys are already married and you refer to it as a vow renewal then you are fine Oh and only do what you can afford for your renewal, you definitely do not want to put yourself into debt over 1 day, hope the planning (and saving!) goes well, a lot of the girls here have great budget friendly ideas!

STBMrsMartin

I don't think it is tacky. You still deserve the day and everything that follows along with that. All of your friends and family will understand that if they really know you.Have you guys set the date of the actual wedding?

abramlett79

I love The Wedding Planner too! JLo was so good in movies like that.

janie2002

People get married at a JOP for so many reasons, then have a nice wedding. If that is what works for you then do it. I think it is smarter than going into debt for it or making your parents pay for it. You can make it as big and girlie as possible since it will be you and hubby paying for it.Good Luck

kristennicole017

I say go for it! I think it is totally ok to do the big shebang later if you can't afford to do it now... Don't worry about what others think... if they have a problem with it then you dont want them at your wedding!! Do what you want and if this is it then go for it!!

txbootsy

Go fo rit girl! I think your plan makes sense and it is personal to you. Vow ceremonies are tons of fun!

Zapata~Wedding

It sounds good to me, I mean my thing is Every Woman deserves to have a beautiful wedding, unfortunatly when you can't do it financially at the time, you can even try to plan for the same day next year! I think alot of couples do that because they just want to be married/united as one, but later Evry bride has that longing feeling of actually planning and preparing for a "real" wedding, even though your JP marriage will be a memorable and special moment there is just that thing of the whole wedding planning "Excitement"!Whatever you choose Your the one in control of your Life. Good luck!