FFIL vent (long)

nichole38

I realize that I don't post or comment a lot, but I need some advice and I thank you in advance.  After we got engaged my FI and I decided that we would pay for the wedding ourselves, we're in our 30's, have a house and are financially pretty set.  We didn't ask my parents or his parents for anything.  My parents have offered a bit here and there, and we've been gracious and very thankful for whatever has come our way.  The issue is a few months ago my FFIL asked if he could pay and host the rehearsal dinner and that he would pay for half the bar tab at the reception.  He asked that I send him the potential half of the bar tab and a list of those that needed to be at the rehearsal dinner, I was thrilled at the offer of assistance and of course did as he asked, never to hear anything of it again - so I assumed that all was well.  So, last night I get home to find out that the FFIL is wearing a pinstripped suit to the wedding after we asked that he wear a black suit (my FI is the only man that was going to wear a pinstripped suit), FFIL is not going to buy or rent a new suit becuase he is strapped for cash, he is strapped for cash because he decided to pay for his entire family (17 people) to fly in for the wedding and put them up in a hotel.  He has stated that he is only paying for his side of the family at the rehearsal dinner and now has backed out of paying for half the bar tab.  AND he told my FI that "while a wedding is a special day, it is after all only one day and we shouldn't over extend ourselves."  Now the bar tab isn't a big deal, we weren't expecting it initially so really, no bigs there.  But I'm miffed about the suit thing and the rehearsal dinner thing and most especially the overextending ourselves comment.  I feel that is the pot calling the kettle.  Just because he is in a situation that he put himself in and now he can't get out of, what right does he have to rain on our parade?  FI and I are good with our money and we've paid for everything in cash. I just don't know how to handle this and/or what, if anything I should say to him.  What would you all do?

aggiebug

if you really care about the pinstripped suit, maybe suggest that he pays less for the rehersal and rents a suit.  (oh and by suggest I mean FI suggests, he deals with his parents you with yours.) A suggestion of how to go about it: Tell him that you feel so blessed that he has been gracious enough to pay for his family to be there for the special day and that is the biggest gift he can give you. and you are so glad he is happy to celebrate the special day.  You can either offer to rent him a solid suit or say, that if he feels strapped because of the rehersal dinner that he can back out of it and rent a suit instead. Make sure to thank him and not accuse him, but if you give him an out he may be relieved and jump at it (if its phrased correctly)   just a thought, but how ever you handle it, remember that family IS more important than 1 day of your life.  GL!