Future MIL drama...

cello10star

My future MIL is enlisted in the Air Force, career military. She started a 6mo deployment to Germany about three months ago and was scheduled to return at the end of December.I think you prob already know where this is going, her deployment was extended and now she can't come to the wedding. I really don't know what to do- it seems to me there should be some way she can take family leave, but when you are deployed the military owns you- even more than usual. Right now I haven't paid for anything with a date on it other than Save-the-Dates, and while it will be somewhat embarassing and difficult to change the date, it is possible without losing any deposits.  I haven't made the deposit on my venue yet (but I was going to today...)I want to include her, but we've never been on good terms to begin with, so I don't like the idea of changing my whole wedding. And her deployment could be extended for much longer, meaning that I have no idea when to reschedule the wedding. A wedding is what brings two families together- I feel like this one is just driving an even bigger stake between our families.

shelly0921

As much as it sucks, if I was you I would change the date.  If you don't, then it will look like you are not including her on purpose.  If you have the ability to change it, I would.  But again, that is just my opinion.

cello10star

well...she doesn't *know* that I can change it...  :P

shelly0921

Well if you do change it, and tell her you jumped through hoops to be sure she could be there, it could mend your not so good relationship too!

MommaA117

I guess everyones situation is different but I would want the man I was marrying to have his mom there if that was what he and she wanted. How does he feel about it?? It really isnt her fault. What does she say? I would talk to her and see if she knows a different date that she would for sure be able to attend. If you havent payed anything really yet and it means a lot to him and her for her to be there I would change it personally even if her and I didn't get along for him.

cello10star

Hm, he's kind of upset about the whole situation- neither of his parents are too thrilled that we are getting married in the first place. (although we've been together for 8 years, what did they think?!)The other thing to consider is that this a rushed wedding for a reason- I am leaving for Navy OCS as soon as possible after the wedding, probably early Feb. So postponing the wedding also means postponing my OCS start date (something you never want to do, it indicates that you aren't committed to it).  

MommaA117

hmmm. Exactially what I meant about the situation thing. I would talk to him and her and then make a decision. There isnt a way to do it a tad sooner if she would be here?

cello10star

I'm going to talk with the future FIL tonight, but MIL is--well--deployed. She's hard to reach. I'm going to ask if he has a phone number for her though.

pooh8402

"The other thing to consider is that this a rushed wedding for a reason- I am leaving for Navy OCS as soon as possible after the wedding, probably early Feb. So postponing the wedding also means postponing my OCS start date (something you never want to do, it indicates that you aren't committed to it)."I would tell her this if she doesn't already know. she's career military, she'd understand that, right? at the very least, can you hold a small ceremony on or near your expected date (2 witnesses and officiant only) and hold the big party later?

BornToBeABeachBride

If you have the option to change your wedding date, why wouldn't you?! I just can not understand why you would purposely want to start your marriage off with an upset MIL. I know you said things are already rocky to begin with but this is just going to make things even worse. As much as it sucks, it isn't all about you. It is the merging of two families and your FI has every right to have his MOTHER there. Brain.Does.Not.Compute

kcon1225

I understand the military thing completely. I would try to push it back but before February. You can't change your carrier goals because of your MIL. With people in the military and weddings things like this can always happened. When does she return from her deployment? Is she just stationed there for awhile or actually deployed??? If she is just stationed there then she could ask for leave but if she deployed there than you have to wait till her deployment is completed. I had to make previsions in all my contracts in case the FI got deployed and we had to change our date. It is defiantly a pain.

PrimoBride

if you can change it...then change it...done

Zapata~Wedding

i totally agree w/ april & shelly on this one. IMHO you def need to try to have her there if you have that option.

cello10star

Why not change it? Because it's my career on the line, and because we did ask them, several times, before making these plans. That being said, we are postponing, I talked to FIL last night and said the very earliest they can attend is March. Catholic- can't do March- so the earliest is going to be April.Thanks for the comments. Now to salvage what's left of my wedding...