Akward Bridesmaids Situations???

marla727

What do you do when you have a friend that you've known your whole life, but you just really don't want to have her in your wedding party? How do you go about handling that? We've known each other since we were about 8, but in the last few years, I have not felt a good friendship with her. She is SO abrasive, quite blatlantly rude, on the very annoying side, and quiite frankly makes the friendship feel like work and an obligation. I KNOW this sounds so horrible to say, but it's just the truth. People ask me why I'm still even friends with her! Mostly because she's the queen of guilt trips and we've known each other for just so long. Other people find her very hard to stand, has the most sour personality, and just doesn't make a good case for herself with anyone! Despite all the reasons I just listed, I guess I do care about her feelings, or I'm just not enough of a bitch to just not care! Thing is, I would be extremely surprised not to receive World War 3 from her if I don't ask her to be in my wedding. I know she will be mad when I have people in my wedding that I haven't known as long as her, but these are friends who I have a blast with and have always been there for me. I 'm  sorry, but I just don't want to feel like I am obligated to have someone in my wedding party that makes a friendship feel like very hard work.\ 

How in the world do I handle this situation? Should I explain to her that I decided to have certain people in my wedding party? Should I not say anything at all and just sit and wait to receive her wrath? Who knows, maybe she won't even say anything at all and I'm worrying for nothing, but let's face it, I know her. What the heck do I do?????????????????????????????????????

hollygb22

I'm a big believer in you picked them, you deal with them

so if you don't want to deal with all the issues with her that you listed in your post, don't pick her

It might be awkward, but I've never questioned good friends if they didn't pick me to be in a wedding. I think you'll save yourself alot of drama in the long run and the awkwardness of then trying to figure out how to fire a bridesmaid

KB_RI

Could you give her some other job that's not as involved, like reader? Or does she have some special skill/talent that you could say you really want her to do X at the wedding? Then you could phrase it like it would mean so much to you if she would do such and such reading, etc. But then you don't have to deal with her until right before the wedding.

RoyalOrient

If you want to save yourself from major wedding drama than I suggest not choosing her as a bridesmaid. You might want to reevaluate your friendship with her too. It doesn't sound like a very healthy one. If it was me, I'd cut her lose...I don't take emotional blackmail very well. And if I wanted a travel agent for guilt trips, I already got my mom :-P Hope it all works out for you.

Karara

I'd not say anything.  If you try to explain it to her it's going to feel like you're making up an excuse and it won't help her feel any better.  At least if you don't say anything she will eventually figure it out on her own and be saved the embarassment of being told she's not in it. I used this strategy for a friend and it worked well.  My friend is a nice person though, it's just by the time I added my fiance's sisters there were so many people in the wedding party.

I would try to give her something to read.

anne.azano

just don't ask her and only confront the situation if she makes a big deal about it.  Or, could you have a small bridal party and use the excuse that you've only asked a few people.  I'm keeping mine to my sister and my sister-in-law, who are two of my best friends... If I opened it up to friends, it was going to be too hard to choose and I knew I'd be leaving people out.  This way I can say, it's just my sisters.

marla727

thank you forall ur input i never even thought of having her do a reading!! duh!!! thank u so much everyone for taking the time to read and post!!!