Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
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Premarital Counseling

My FI and I want my uncle (who is a christian pastor) to perform our wedding ceremony for sentimental reasons.  My uncle (who I am not that close to anymore) wants to do premarital counseling.  My FI isn't particularly religious although he does believe in god.  I'm not sure if I feel comfortable doing premarital counseling with a family member - but I"m not sure how personal it gets.  Does anyone have any experiences to share about what type of information you discuss during premarital counseling? 
Thanks!

Re: Premarital Counseling

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    Yeah - when I asked him, I expected that he wouldn't really feel the need to do counseling - But now I've already asked and I feel a little awkward.  I haven't done premarital counseling before so I just don't know how personal it gets.  If it's basic stuff, then I don't feel too awkward about it.  I think I just have to talk to him more about what's required and then my FI and I can decide if we think it makes sense to have a family member do it.
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    Same as pp said.... I wouldn't be comfortable talking about certain things with another family member. Sex, our finances, when we plan to start a family, what makes us argue...... some things just don't need to be aired out to the family in that way.
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    Personally I would never do premarital counseling with a family member. I am in grad school for mental health counseling and it would be unethical for me to counsel a family member, or a friend, not sure if pastoral counselors have the same rules...

    Do you really want your uncle to know about you and your FI's personal life?
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    I don't have any experence so maybe others could be more helpful, but I would not do it with a family memeber...I would think you would loose too much of your privacy. Just a thought.
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    Ditto PPs. I would never have done our counseling with a family member. While we didn't get into anything too specific in our sessions, our pastor definitely mentioned sex and other topics that would be quite awkward to discuss with family.
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    Our priest didn't delve all that deeply, but he still asked us things about each other and our relationship that I wouldn't have shared outside that counseling relationship, and certainly wouldn't have wanted a family member to know. Surely he can have another clergy member do the counseling for you?
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    Ditto PPs.... Fi and I did 8 sessions of pre-cana/pre-marital counseling... we really learned a lot about ecah other and totaly recommend it to other couples.  But.... it does get very very deeply personal (sex, finances, child raising, famiyl background, etc).  I would not feel comfortable discussing any of these topics with a family member.  I would definitely ask if there is anyone else- totally impartial- who can do your counseling.  Good luck!
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    I don't know if I would do the counceling with a family member because it gets pretty personal. We finished ours around 2 weeks ago and we are so glad that we went through it. Nothing was really a surprise since we have been together quite a long time but it was an awesome experiance. I very highly recomend it to everyone! 
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    I wouldn't.
    I'm currently doing it with a my fiance's childhood pastor that he grew up with, and is actually like a family friend with. And even then it's awkward at times.
    And we're really close to my fiance's dad and even him I wouldn't want him knowing what makes us argue, turned on, or whatever the heck may come up.
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    Im in the same boat..my cousin said he would marry us. but requires the counseling. he said he wouldnt do it but has others in his church that do do it. i asked him what it consisted of and he said sex...our relationship etc. im not comfortable talking to anyone about this (esp sex). im not sure really what to do!

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