FI talked to FMIL about guest list..UGGHH!!

nygirl07

So he brought up the add ons to his mom and he ended up in a fight with her b/c she was trying to justify why her 2nd cousins need to be there...and then proceeds to call my FI's cousin who is doing the invites and asks her to count the number of people and she said around 209...the list is 227!  So she says to me that the guest list is 209 and I respond saying "Oh, no it's 227 believe me I've counted it 16 times" and she makes in like I counted wrong...so my FI counts and gets 227I think she's in denial...then she says to my FI that we'll only end up with 180 and the whole wedding is only costing us 22,000!!!!!  Remind you she knows we are paying $105 ahead....that alone is $19,000 does she really think EVERYTHING else is only $3,000The thing that ticks us off is that we are doing this for her...when we got engaged we said we wanted an island wedding and she laughed it off and said no b/c certain family members would be upset...so we gave in (big mistake).  We are both very quite, non showy people and everyone who knows us knows this big thing isn't us and we don't like to be the center of attention...I figured we'd be fine b/c it would just people our close family and friends and we requested only...Well it's ALOT more then that!At this point it's too late to change anything but he drilled this into her head, and pretty much told her that this wedding has turned into what she wants and not what WE wanted.  I know she's mad that he said what he did but I'm glad he did,b/c she needs to step back, but I felt bad.  If she just listend to ANYTHING we've been saying she would know that we don't want all these people that we don't know and it is our wedding.  I get she excited and wants everyone there but not when it's putting a financial strain on us.....and again she says "Don't worry about it" UGHHSorry this is so long I think I was venting it all :)Thanks for listening

Irishgrl417

If invitations haven't gone out yet it isn't too late to change anything. Assuming her extra invites didn't get save the dates, there's nothing saying you have to invite them. I'd rather be out the couple extra bucks on invites than 105 per head on 47 extra people I don't know. She may not be happy but if you've already made a lot of compromises that make your wedding not what you wanted then I think you need to take control of the few things you still can. It might not be the island you wanted but don't let her continue to dictate your actions. It's simple DON"T INVITE THEM. She isn't the one putting them in the mail, you still have the choice. Take it from someone with an overbearing MIL if you let her control things now it's not going to get better once you're married. She's allowed to be excited. She can send announcements out with your wedding picture after the wedding to everyone she's ever met. She can throw a party to show all her friends your wedding pictures or video if she wants. Only you and your FI can allow her to take over your wedding though. I'm not trying to be a biotch here because I know it's good to be able to come here and vent. But I guess I'm just confused how not wanting to have a big wedding or be the center of attention turned into a New Year's Eve wedding for 200 people. I guess what I'm trying to say is It's not too late to get control back! Sorry for the novel of a response. But Good Luck!

nygirl07

When we sucked it up and decided on doing the wedding our dates were kind of limited....My brother, sister and cousin are all getting married or got married this year.  Winter was our only option so someone mentioned NYE and we figured that would be cool b/c we could have all of our aunts uncles and cousins together at once.  We were planning as if we were having no more then 150.  Our families are big but not 227 big...I never thought she would be inviting her aunts and cousins to our wedding.I know the idea of having it on NYE sounds like it would be a big event but you can still do a more intimate event on NYE....or so I thought...I just sat back for a while and when the list got to 200 I said something but she said that certain people wouldn't show so I let it slide, then it kept going....and then the whole adding people with out me knowing really set me offI know I still have control in this, I'm just so sick of fighting about it with her and we are being made out to look like the bad people b/c we don't want certain people there.  I never understood the whole NEEDING to invite someone to your kids wedding...since when do you owe it to people to invite them.

lmparlett

I am so sorry to hear about all of your headaches.  And I understand.  ; )  My fiance and I always said that we would do an island wedding, but his father has back issues and won't fly.  So we decided to do it in Ocean City.  Well, my whole family is in AZ, and I could tell, weren't happy about this decision.  It just sucks that no matter what, it always becomes about people other than the bride and groom.  I know we are gonna face the same issue with guest list when we get there.  For whatever reason, parents can't get past what THEY want, and worry about what you want.  I agree with PP, she can send her family pictures afterwards.  You guys are right for putting your foot down!  It's your wedding and you shouldn't go broke for people you don't know! Good luck!

mumidi

I know its difficult, I've been there, only with my mother making it even more hard (the bride's mother should be allowed to invite anyone, right?).  Stick to your grounds.  Make rules about who can be invited and don't go back on them.  I am not inviting my parents cousins (my second cousins) therefore neither is finance.  We are inviting no children, even the very few first cousins that are young.  Be consistent, that makes it fair to all guests and explain that to you FMIL.  If you add her people then it's only fair to add on your side as well.  And, it's your wedding.  She cannot just invite anyone she wants and hope that they will decline.  What if they don't?  She needs to be prepared to pay for them.