Groomsman is being an asshole to me?

AshNicole013

I need your opinions! My FI and I met through a mutual friend...my best friend from highschool was dating FI's friend. Anyways...in the past few months my best friend and I have definitely parted ways...she's being immature to put it nicely. So now her boyfriend is being a total ass to me...but my FI wanted him to be a groomsman! We haven't asked anyone to be in our bridal party yet...but who the hell does this guy think he is? He's being a total ass to me...but thinking he can suck up to my FI and still stand up there on MY wedding day? Has anyone else had this problem?

aragx6

You pick your side, FI picks his. Unless this guy threatens you or something, you don't get a say in who your FI asks to be a GM.

I'd probably have a bigger problem with my FI wanting to still be friends with someone who was being an asshole to me.

artbyallie

I want details because I'm nosy.

That said, PP is right that he picks his and you pick yours. If you have one of the couple in your wedding or even just invited, you will need to at least invite the other one because you can't split up couples.

AshNicole013

When I say asshole I don't mean anything physical or to my face. Just being immature like his girlfriend. Not including me in anything, not talking to me, not being civil, talking crap to his girlfriend and such. I know he's just trying to please her by being rude to me. FI has already said something to him about it but I just wasn't sure if I should stand my ground and not let someone be up there that will piss me off all day long...or just keep my mouth shut since it's FI's friend.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_groomsman-being-asshole?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:9f3da473-6489-4253-bc01-a4d2b3c825fePost:e51a2963-ea50-4eab-89fc-882920ec06df">Re: Groomsman is being an asshole to me?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I say asshole I don't mean anything physical or to my face. Just being immature like his girlfriend. <strong>Not including me in anything, not talking to me, not being civil, talking crap to his girlfriend and such</strong>. I know he's just trying to please her by being rude to me. FI has already said something to him about it but I just wasn't sure if I should stand my ground and not let someone be up there that will piss me off all day long...or just keep my mouth shut since it's FI's friend.
Posted by AshNicole013[/QUOTE]

In other words, disrespecting you.  This really should be an ultimatum coming from your FI to his friend: Treat AshNichole with respect or our friendship is over.  If he doesn't do this, then I'd have a huge problem with FI. 

There isn't any ground for you to stand on the WP though.  He picks his side, you pick yours.

AshNicole013

Yeah disrespecting. Thanks guys!

maribeth721

I would talk to your FI. Does he know this guy acts this way? I would also have a problem with someone being in our wedding party if they were blatently disrespectful to me. FI and I had a similar issue and my FI was unaware of the disrespectful behavior. It was actually from his brother who is supposed to be our best man. He is horrible to me when FI is out of ear shot. My FI had to sit down with him and have a talk. Turned out the issue was really between the two of them, FBIL felt my FI wasn't spending time with him because of me, and they were able to work it out.

TiffannieF

I agree with PP. I'm curious if you are being a bit sensitive to the situation though.  I mean I know if I were around somebody who is dating a person that I've had a falling out with I probably would already close my mind to them and be on guard if they are trying to stick up for their SO.  That being said talk to your FI about it and really listen.  Maybe you just need to ignore this guy.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Love and Forgive them anyway." -Mother Teresa.

artbyallie

I can't see why your fiancé would be friends with him, then. I know H would not stand for any of his friends treating me badly.

Magdala9

What does your fiance think of the groomsman's behavior?   Could you be over-reacting to the groomsmen's behavior because you are unhappy with his girlfriend?  Talk to your fiance about your feelings and the groomsman's behavaior and get his perspective.   

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_groomsman-being-asshole?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:9f3da473-6489-4253-bc01-a4d2b3c825fePost:8def356b-0880-4d4f-a193-6cfb95bc009a">Groomsman is being an asshole to me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need your opinions! My FI and I met through a mutual friend...my best friend from highschool was dating FI's friend. Anyways...in the past few months my best friend and I have definitely parted ways...she's being immature to put it nicely. So now her boyfriend is being a total ass to me...but my FI wanted him to be a groomsman! We haven't asked anyone to be in our bridal party yet...but who the hell does this guy think he is? He's being a total ass to me...but thinking he can suck up to my FI and still stand up there <strong>on MY wedding day?</strong> Has anyone else had this problem?
Posted by AshNicole013[/QUOTE]

It's you AND FI's wedding day, not just yours.  He picks his side and you pick yours. 

I think this entire thing sounds immature really. 

cynthial411

I went through this. My Fiance's best friend told him he wishes I wasn't in the picture because my fiance was "more fun" when he was single and things were better when I wasn't around. I give credit to my fiance - he told his friend that anyone who doesn't respect our relationship is not going to be a part of celebrating it. He told him he wasn't in the wedding and will not be invited to the reception. I didn't even know about all this until the next day. It was my fiance's decision to make, and he did. I'm thankful because I wouldn't want anyone who disrespected me to stand up at the alter with us. It's hypocritical.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_groomsman-being-asshole?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:9f3da473-6489-4253-bc01-a4d2b3c825fePost:8def356b-0880-4d4f-a193-6cfb95bc009a">Groomsman is being an asshole to me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need your opinions! My FI and I met through a mutual friend...my best friend from highschool was dating FI's friend. Anyways...in the past few months my best friend and I have definitely parted ways...she's being immature to put it nicely. So now her boyfriend is being a total ass to me...but my FI wanted him to be a groomsman! We haven't asked anyone to be in our bridal party yet...but who the hell does this guy think he is? He's being a total ass to me...but thinking he can suck up to my FI and still stand up there on MY wedding day? Has anyone else had this problem?
Posted by AshNicole013[/QUOTE]

How long ago was high school?

kennazebrowsky

FI and I were at a part once and his best friend grabbed my boob. Not only are they not friends anymore but he also almost best the guy up

[Deleted User]

I know everyone is saying you pick your side, he picks his...but that is definitely not how my fiance and I would have it. I know if any of my friends acted that way toward him (or vice versa), there would be no question that they weren't welcome in our wedding. The wedding is for BOTH of you, which, in my opinion, doesn't mean you split sides, it means that BOTH of you should feel comfortable with the wedding party without having to worry about any disrespect. If it really bothers you that much, I would have a bigger problem with your fiance still wanting him in the wedding knowing how it upsets you.

AurorasEnvy

Have you actually let your FI know how you feel about this guy?  While I guess it is ultimately up to your FI who he wants as a GM, I don't agree that PP that you should have no say at all.  I would hope that if your FI was aware of the issue he would have a chat with this particular friend and tell him to knock it off, or choose not to have him as a GM knowing how you feel about him.

[Deleted User]

I had a similar situation. GM was disrespectful. (Long back story is that he is (actually WAS) my youngest child's GodFather, and my sister's childs father. They split up and he decided that he was going to be a jerk to everyone related to my sister.  

My issues with him had to do with him disrespecting my Fiances wishes when he was hospitalized & telling all his private information to the world. I also felt he disrespected our relationship. (This was prior to us becoming engaged, but we have been together for over 13 yrs so we are technically just making things legal now, so our relationship was NOT something anyone should treat as not serious.)

GM thought my issue was related to him no longer being in a relationship w/my sister. That was very laughable because I could care less & I prefer him to NOT be with my sister. 

In any event I told my fiance that I would not allow this particular person to be in our wedding due to the fact that he had continued to disrespect me. He spoke to his GM because he really wanted him to be a part of our day, however my Fiance was not going to allow me to be disrespected.

In the end, I "made up" with the GM for the sake of my Fiance, as after all it isn't only MY day, it is also my Fiance's day.

I would suggest talking to your Fiance & also trying to talk to the GM.

Best of luck!