Military Brides

advice..?

Ok so I just need some advice and I feel comfortable enough to ask people here then anyone else because all you know what I'm going through, having a loved one in the military. 

I was talking with my FI today and we were thinking about either getting married after graduation and then having our ceremony in Az later down the line after we know what his schedule looks like. We were originally planning on having a a March wedding in Az, but then realized that we would not be able to make any final decision until November once he has started  flight school. From November to March, to me, is not enough time to plan a wedding. Thus, brings us to our dilemma right now, should we get married in Annapolis after graduation (and worry about family being upset) or wait till i don't know when. I'm just so frustrated and need to vent to women who understand where I'm coming from. 

Re: advice..?

  • edited December 2011
    First, November to March is enough time to plan a wedding, many military wives have planned in less!I am not saying it won't be hectic or stressful, but it can be done and done beautifully.

    Second, you need to do what is right for both of you. If he is just graduating that means that he is going to have orders to PCS down to flight school--were you planning on oving with him no matter what? In that case I would suggest getting married at annapolis so that you would be able to move with him as a dependent. However, and I say this with all love, I would let your family know and even invite them  to the wedding, even if it is a quick JOP at the courthouse. Then, down the line when you have a better grasp of his schedule, plan a vow renewal and party. In your case, you most likely gain nothing from keeping the wedding secret from your family, so don't, get them involved too. (Yes, I do believe there are instances where it is justifiable.)

    If, however, you are not planning on moving down with him prior to his completion of flight school, and more than likely are getting married where you are now living, it would make more sense to just wait until you can plan the wedding for March or whenever.

    Another thing to consider is that things are CONSTANTLY changing with the Navy. Trust me, I learned that one the hard way! lol While he might be scheduled for flight school now, they might postpone the course if they don't have enough people for it, they might move him up to another course that is starting before november or anyother number of things. In short, it is nice to plan ahead, but keep your plans flexibile. Even when you do start planning the ''big party'' (either wedding or vow renewal keep in mind that you NEED the miliary clause in your contracts! Get wedding insurance! Trust me.
  • edited December 2011
    November to March is enought time to plan a wedding ! If you dont feel comfortable starting that late , just start looking at places & let them know what is going on . You will be suprised on how much people are willing to be flexible . But watch out , some people are just rude. I have had since march to plan my wedding that is now in October. Wedding insurance is a very good idea . & just explain to everyone what is going on . Poeple iwll work with you if they are serious about getting a client. Remember this is supposed to be the best day of your life . do not let stress ruin it !
    IAmPregnant Ticker image
  • edited December 2011
    I think you'd have enough time from November to March.  FH and I technically planned our July 2010 wedding starting in the end of January.  We had previously gone and met with a bunch of vendors/venues and ranked them all, so that when we could set our date, we were prepared and could go ahead and book our favorites.  I would suggest looking into everything now, and definitely planning what you can now, and anything you can't until you have an exact date, make sure you at least have an idea of your choices.
    "This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without." ? Jodi Picoult Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • Kimburrr Kimburrr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    thanks so much!
    what exactly is wedding insurance? and the military clause still can be used when booking venues?

  • Kimburrr Kimburrr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:084d5c20-7211-4c53-a84e-1fc9796932b8Post:d99a5967-75b4-4627-8a49-0fdd71bbea99">Re: advice..?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Second, you need to do what is right for both of you. If he is just graduating that means that he is going to have orders to PCS down to flight school--were you planning on oving with him no matter what? In that case I would suggest getting married at annapolis so that you would be able to move with him as a dependent. However, and I say this with all love, I would let your family know and even invite them  to the wedding, even if it is a quick JOP at the courthouse. Then, down the line when you have a better grasp of his schedule, plan a vow renewal and party. In your case, you most likely gain nothing from keeping the wedding secret from your family, so don't, get them involved too. (Yes, I do believe there are instances where it is justifiable.) Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]

    Well right now his orders are that he wont report to pensacola till november and then we will be there for about 2 years, in that time we were thinking about getting married but like you said the navy can be unpredictable. i've heard of people having orders to go there and dont start till months later and thats what im worried about, i dont think he can just leave in the middle of training but idk how it works (just assuming). Yea i planned on going with him to annapolis and to fl no matter what. we were thinking about going to the courthouse but i didnt know if it should be just us or invite the families. NO, we wouldnt keep it secret, i think that they would be supportive no matter what, i just didnt know how i should approach this situation. Thank you so much, your advice really helped <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
  • edited December 2011
    That's plenty of time to plan a wedding - I did the majority of mine in 10 days while FH was home on leave! Everything else I've had to do completely on my own b/c FH is stationed in Europe.

    Get the insurance.

    But I really can't advise you to get married "because it's easier." I think it's a bogus excuse and the distance is worth the wait. You learn a looot of your relationship, and the military lifestyle, and I think it's important to have those experiences done and out of the way BEFORE you get married - because if you can't handle it before you're married, you definitely will not be able to handle it after you're married. It never gets easier, and if he ever gets sent to sea, you're looking at about one year apart. Ya gotta know how you'll handle that... It's not easy and people all deal with it differently.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Yes! Military Clause is important when making arangements! Otherwise I agree with all the PP. Since you know and hope to get married in March you can pretty much plan 80% of everything, just not set dates. You could still meet with vendors for consultations and give them ideas of when you're thinking.
    I'm graduating in a few days too and my FI is also in pilot training, AF though, and we're probably going to get legally married before our date in April 2011. Whats your resoning for wanting to get married so soon? If its just so you can live with him check and see if he could live off base. I have a lot of friends up in Pensacola and while training the majority of them have apts away from the base.
  • edited December 2011
    My advice: get married after graduation, that way you are on his orders so that you can move with him, plus get medical coverage through Tricare if you aren't already covered.  This is exactly what my husband and I did. We had a civil ceremony in December so that he will be on my orders when I PCS this August. We are planning our religious ceremony for this October. Neither one of our families know that we are already married on paper. However, we are both in our 30s, have been together 2.5 years, and he spent 12 years in the Army while I have 5 years in the AF. If you are new to the military and your relationship is fairly new, I agree with the previous advice to wait and see if you are cut out to be a military wife. It can be one of the most strenuous and rewarding roles of your life. 
  • Kimburrr Kimburrr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:084d5c20-7211-4c53-a84e-1fc9796932b8Post:20a46d0c-af80-4777-8de5-399e641ac3ab">Re: advice..?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes! Military Clause is important when making arangements! Otherwise I agree with all the PP. Since you know and hope to get married in March you can pretty much plan 80% of everything, just not set dates. You could still meet with vendors for consultations and give them ideas of when you're thinking. I'm graduating in a few days too and my FI is also in pilot training, AF though, and we're probably going to get legally married before our date in April 2011. Whats your resoning for wanting to get married so soon? If its just so you can live with him check and see if he could live off base. I have a lot of friends up in Pensacola and while training the majority of them have apts away from the base.
    Posted by MilitaryBride2Be[/QUOTE]

    Ok I will do what I was originally planning and start looking at venues. My reasoning for wanting to get married so soon is so yes i can move with him and not it be an issue in anyway, be able to get medical, and not have to be escorted on and off base if needed. Also if anything was to happen to him during flight school i would have no legal spousal rights (i think thats what its called?). I think i would feel more comfortable knowing that we were legally married and if i ever needed to make any decision of his behalf i would be able to, instead of not being able to do anything. do you know what i mean? yea i can live with him, hes not living on base and in pensacola as well. i know some people up there who dont live on base either so thats not really the issue, although if we did want to live on base we would have to be married.
  • Kimburrr Kimburrr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:084d5c20-7211-4c53-a84e-1fc9796932b8Post:d6b149d7-1bdb-41ec-b931-c90339ad3e65">Re: advice..?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My advice: get married after graduation, that way you are on his orders so that you can move with him, plus get medical coverage through Tricare if you aren't already covered.  This is exactly what my husband and I did. We had a civil ceremony in December so that he will be on my orders when I PCS this August. We are planning our religious ceremony for this October. Neither one of our families know that we are already married on paper. However, we are both in our 30s, have been together 2.5 years, and he spent 12 years in the Army while I have 5 years in the AF. If you are new to the military and your relationship is fairly new, I agree with the previous advice to wait and see if you are cut out to be a military wife. It can be one of the most strenuous and rewarding roles of your life. 
    Posted by rock_jenn[/QUOTE]

    Yea thats what i think we are leaning towards now, getting married sometime after graduation and still having our ceremony hopefully in march if not later, we would definately tell our families as well.
    I  would say that yes i am new to the military, but i do have some friends that are in the military. Also we have been together for 2 years and that could still be considered as "new". I know being a military wife is one of the most strenuous roles but i can do it. i know many ex military wives have thought that and couldnt do it, but i can. although i havent gone through many deployments, i've been through some short ones which gives me an idea of what i will be going through.
    I know it will be challenging and very hard but i'm willing to do it :)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards