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Death & Invites - Advice needed / time sensitive

Need your help ladies – I can’t find any guidance on what to do in this case!

There was a delay in getting the correct address for one of my FI’s close friends and so even though all the other wedding invites had gone out this invite wasn’t created (I DIY’d the invites) until this weekend, do to be mailed today.  Problem is, the friend was killed Sunday morning in a horrific accident and FI is flying out tomorrow to attend the services.

So I’m torn – do I still send the invitation addressed to Mr & Mrs John Doe or change it to Mrs. Jane Doe, or send it with FI to hand deliver???

I’m most concerned about the grieving widow (they were just married in February this year) and trying to put myself in her place – getting back from my husband’s funeral, (He was killed out of state) I don’t know if receiving a wedding invitation addressed to both would just be too painful (considering it would be postmarked 24hrs after his death) or would it be worse to receive one addressed just to herself.   The last thing on this woman’s mind is going to be our wedding, but I don’t want her feeling excluded from the social circle.  I want her to know she is a welcome addition in our circle of friends/family despite the circumstances.  (Friend was former Marine and my FI is former Army, and they spent 3 hellish yrs together in & out of Iraq before either I or the widow met them so we're still getting to know each other.)  Thankfully our wedding is not until December and although I could wait a few weeks to send the invitation, I think that might be insulting (most everyone else has received theirs) … and I still would have to figure out how to address it.

FI suggested he could hand deliver it, but I don’t think that’s the best idea, because, how do you present a wedding invitation to a grieving widow when they’re all there to attend her husband’s funeral???  I don’t think there’s any amount of explaining that could make that less awkward…

As warrior's wives, we all try to prepare ourselves (with varying degrees of success) for losing our spouses in battle, but being blindsided when they’re stateside just brings a cruel dimension to our grief – one I do not wish to contribute to.  Any guidance you ladies can provide will be most appreciated.  Thank you.


No matter where I roam, I'll always be a California Girl at heart!

Re: Death & Invites - Advice needed / time sensitive

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think he should hand deliver it to her privately, not at the funeral, just on a regular weekend. That way he can go see her, without any other stuff And they can talk if she needs to.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • BunsCheer03BunsCheer03 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would send it with FI to be hand delivered, explain that it was the last one that needed to be sent out and that he wanted to bring it with him. Dont address the envelope if hes going to bring it, then you can avoid that situation of how to address it.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you so much.  The ability to be there for her I think is the key...I'll talk to FI about hand delivering after the funeral hoopla in a private one on one. We're a very close knit circle of friends that includes active duty & veterans and I just want this new bride to know we still consider her part of this family, and that she shouldn't feel left out.  I so wish I could be there for her in person...

    No matter where I roam, I'll always be a California Girl at heart!
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