Need to Vent, encouragement please!

Ajb77

Last night my FI called with some [whati thought was good] news. My brother-in-law, who is also his best friend, best man, and also in the navy, was scheduled to deploy on 1 Nov. They cancelled his deployment!! BUTTTTT now the next time they need someone he has to go, which could be in a couple of months meaning.... he will be deployed during my wedding.

Trying to be ok with the fact he might not be there was hard enough, I made the joke last night "well honey, at least you will still be here for our wedding"

I got the call about an hour ago.  A bunch of deployments have been getting moved around and the course he teaches out of state was moved also... Right into our wedding date. As of now, he will not be here. This is not set in stone and maybe he can take some leave but nothing is definate. And changing the date is hard when we have to work around his daughter's school schedule (daughter and i dont live near FI)and his other courses.

 It is just really hard for me not to jump and say that our day is ruined and we have to figure something else out. I just bawled for an hour, im so sick to my stomach. I swear the military is out to get me right now

seasidebride24

Take a deep breath! First off, welcome to life with the military.  Nothing is ever set in stone and it could still change 4 or 5 times only to end up exactly where it started.  I'm sorry that your brother-in-law won't be able to attend your wedding the way the schedule is right now.  How far out is your wedding? If you have a couple months, he can put in for leave with his command (I recommend ASAP) and explain the situation.  Most will be willing to try and help, if they can. 

As for your FI, are you saying that he will be deployed the day of your wedding or that he will be out of state teaching a course?  If he will just be out of state, then he should be able to put in leave and go to the wedding.  If he will be deployed, it makes life more difficult but you could still try for leave. 
How much wedding planning have you done?  It's tough if you've already booked a place and vendors and put down a deposit, but a lot of places can be really understanding (especially if the groom won't even be in town). 
I definitely understand the frustration though.  It's hard to plan something a year away when schedules are constantly changing, kind of a hazard of the job. 
I hope that helps.  My wedding weekend is on a tight schedule as of right now.  My FI is set to get back the wednesday before our wedding, and the ceremony is friday--not much room for error there. 

Beachy730

Most places are very accommodating for military.  I recommend to everyone asking before you book anything what they do if the date needs to change for military reasons.  Our venue was willing to just move the contract and deposit to a new date. 

When is your FI set to leave?  I would look into having the wedding before he is set to go out of state if possible.  How old is his daughter?  I'm assuming grade school age, and most teachers are very understanding when kids go out of town, epsecially if its for a wedding.  So I would be more worried about working around your FI's schedule, and just plan on taking his daughter out of school for a couple days if needed. 

Trust me when I say you are not the first person this as happened to, nor will you be the last.  One of the first things you need to learn with the miliary life is that nothing is ever set in stone.  We had to change our wedding date because of how far our new station was, and thank God we did because H will now be deployed during our originally planned date. 

I saw that your date now is in July.  I would look into bumping it up before he leaves.  A wedding can easily be planned in a few months.  We set our new date in Feb. for our July wedding and had no problems.  My first step was calling our church and reception site and asking for a list of available dates in July and August, then I compared the lists and picked our date. 

mysticl

Don't you just love the military?  I agree with the idea of trying to move it up.  My engagement is going to be almost exactly 6 months from proposal to wedding day, it can be done.  Good luck.

kara811

PPs pretty much said everything and gave you some good advices. That's just how the military is you know, especially with deployments. We had to change our date from August 2010, to now March 2011 because of deployment schedules. You are definitely not alone in this situation. I'm sure you'll find a way to work everything out. Good Luck!

akidwell329

It's really hard, but try to stay calm.  Another suggestion would be, once you decide when the date will be- purchase wedding insurance!!!  I did it- it costs about $200, but then if- God forbid- things get screwed up, your financial investments in the wedding are protected

jahorn

venting is good.  Nothing will make up for it, so accept that you can't change things (easier said then done) and move on.