Is it a waste???

HisFavorite2

Hi! Ok so I really never post blogs or questions, well except on Facebook, . But, I was wondering and wanting to hear from some of my army wives and wives to be here..

So, My husband and I have been happily married now for almost 3 months. Yes, we went to the courthouse so that I could go with him to his next station. So I didn't exactly get the wedding of my dreams. We are moving to our next duty station in January, South Korea, I know... So we are trying to plan a small church ceremony for this fall. Only problem is that we wont be able to set a date till maybe a month in advance because hes in training and wont know what his schedule will really be like. Needless to say, this is going to be a quick, simple, fun, wedding... if it happens and it better cause I already have my dress. But I'm starting to wonder if its even worth it anymore. My mother in law likes to remind me how much money I can save and go on a "fabulous" honeymoon. I don't even have time to plan a wedding, sooo when am I gonna be able to go on a honeymoon. Sry, mother in law is a sore subject. 

Anyways, it is a waste??? No one seems to be to into us having a ceremony, except my family. We cant get a date and are running out of time. I really really really want a wedding, I haven't been planning my wedding since I was 5 but its my wedding. Any ideas, thoughts or suggestions would be great. I know my fellow army wives will understand.

Thanks for listening to me rant.  

Revangel

It's hard to answer that question because it's really more about how you and your hubby feel. If I was in that situation, I would would say it's worth it, especially as BOTH my family and my fiance's family would want it.
What you could do is go to a couple of venues, explain your situation and ask if they would able to accomidate you last minute. The BEST place would be one that has an all-inclusive option where they take care of the dinner, alcohol, decorations, linens, everything. We are doing it this way as the wedding will be during the practically non-existant gap between our college graduation date and his next station (so I can move with him as well) and we don't have much time to plan. Another option is just have a dinner at a nice restaurant, that will accomidate a large enough number of people for you guys.
So really I think you can definitely do it, but in the end you have to make the final decision as to whether or not it's worth it.

meltoine

Have you considered doing a vow-renewel later on, like maybe for your 5 year anniversary (after South Korea)?

That might be a better option. You get the big party and hopefully by then you'll have more time to plan. 

Alko726

I haven't been on these boards in months, I read that you were going to S Korea and I felt compelled to say that I think you'll really enjoy it!  Will you be at Osan?  My DH was stationed there for a year and I went out there for three months while we were engaged and had a really great time!  

As for your situation, I understand you situation completely, though I think I agree with meltoine on this one.  It's definitely doable to have a last minute wedding, but the way you put it, sounds like you *really* want a ceremony, reception, and the whole experience -- to do so on such a short time frame may make you more stressed for one, and looking back again on it thinking it was too rushed for the whole experience.  I never thought I'd be one for a big to-do, but in the end it was a long process I'll never forget and well worth it.  A vow renewal when you know you've got the time would give you that experience and then hopefully you'll be able to surround yourself with a lot more guests, a bigger party, and much less stress.  

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

suz62984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_waste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:28eab75b-a1d5-4035-bdd3-7bbefd0f94caPost:0fcd6d0c-6b4b-4b5b-b8bb-18d826f23c0b">Is it a waste???</a>:
[QUOTE] I really really really want a wedding,
Posted by HisFavorite2[/QUOTE]

Well that's good because you had one. Anything you do now will be a vow renewal so please don't fool yourself into thinking this is a wedding. You had a wedding at the courthouse and now you must live with that.

Personally, I would probably skip the vow renewal since it has only been three months and throw some kind of "reception" type party for our families. I would make it a casual thing. You would save money and get to go on a more fabulous honeymoon if you chose this route. Good Luck.

L*Lopez7784

wow suz62984, are you a bridezilla or what?

df and i are in the same situation. we were going to do a small wedding in san antonio w/ our family but now our pcs from ga to colorado has been moved up to a week after we were planning the wedding. we're just going to have to go to the courthouse and do the ceremony next summer after we get settled, he has phase 2 of bnoc and blah blah blah. if it's something you really really want then i say do it. you're military you have the opportunity to live all over the world, to me that's a lifelong honeymoon.

athenamina

This soon to be Air Force wife totally understands. We're doing the Courthouse thing in October before he deploys in November. I live in Wisconsin and he in Florida. We are from the same hometown in Illinois. After the Courthouse visit  in Florida to make it "official" I'm heading back to Wisconsin for a couple months while he's gone to tie up loose ends, say goodbye to my family and get ready to move to Florida to be with him when he gets home. Sometime in the fall of 2011 we will have a big church wedding with our friends and family back in Illinois. We are both Greek Orthodox, and our families came over from the same island and settled in the same little town. We want to go back to the little church where we were baptized, where we played and danced and grew up together. We want to share our love and our joy with our families. Neither of us would ever consider that a waste. It is, however, totally a decision to be made between you and your husband. If you want to celebrate your wedding with your family, have a wedding! Even if you're technically "married", you can still have a traditional wedding complete with big dinner and dancing! If you'd rather have a spectacular honeymoon, have a blast! If you can swing both, more power to you! Just don't sell yourself short if a wedding is what you really want.

marisah83

I don't think it is a waste to want something to share with everyone else.  We are planning to have a "wedding" (technically vow renewal, but I'm still calling it a wedding) with our families and a few close friends, even though we did the courthouse thing too.  We had initially planned on the big wedding and had even booked everything, but circumstances arose to where we ended up doing the courthouse thing first.  Even if you legally were married before, you are still justified to wanting a wedding with others there, no matter what anyone else on here says. 

LuluP82

It's definitely hard to plan, and if you ask on the boards, people will just focus on the fact that you're already married. We did the same thing, and no one in real life cares-- they're all excited to attend our "wedding". We were going to wait until next spring, but have decided to do it this Nov-- he'll be graduating one school then and *hopefully* it will all work out. My parents--who are paying for the whole thing-- would be really upset if we didn't have anything. And his parents and famiily would, too.
Now, since I'm lucky enough to have my parents footing the bill, we're going with a more expensive, all-inclusive venue. They're doing food, bar, linens, and have preferred vendors for music, flowers, etc. This is making it pretty easy on me-- I just have to go to their florist and give them my budget, their baker and pick a cake, etc. This is DEFINITELY way more expensive than what I originally thought we would do, since I can't shop around, but it's more realistic.

Is it kind of a waste? Sure, but so is every big wedding. To be married, you just need the certificate. Everything else is technically a waste of money, because you don't need it to be legally married. It's up to you if you'd rather take a trip or have the party. I'm a huge trip person, and have always, when offered, taken a trip over a party. If I were paying for this myself, I'd definitely rather spend the money on a fabulous trip. But, that's your own personal choice-- not your MIL's and certainly not the boards'!