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Long distance after marriage?

Are any of you not living together after you get married? He's got another 2 1/2 years, and I'm starting graduate school, and we'll be living four hours apart. He's going to Afghanistan early next year, and we've only been engaged for about a month, so we decided to get married in June of this year. I can cope with him being overseas, but how do you deal with not being together your first two years of being married?
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Re: Long distance after marriage?

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    edited December 2011
    I, personally, would much rather have a long distance, long time engagement than not live together for two years of marriage. That's just me though.
    Also, I agree with Rach on trying to commute to class (if possible). GL

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    edited December 2011

    We have decided that I will stay in Utah until he is done because I have a great job and he wants to go to school here when he is finished but it will only  be for 8 months after we get married... so not that long

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    edited December 2011
    I have spent the past 2 years with my fiancee in Germany, and I have either been in IL (for school) or AZ (home).  Before that he spent about 6 months or so in basic/training.

    Four hours is nothing.  We are getting married so we can be TOGETHER.  To us, that was the point of being married.  Being apart is a HUGE change in any relationship, and I would not willingly do it right after getting married.  Have you ever been apart before? For more than just basic or tech training? I strongly advise experiencing that before you do get married...

    Just like everyone else, I would choose the long engagement over not getting to see my husband for 2 years. It sucks enough when it's your boyfriend or fiancee - but to be your HUSBAND? Nooo way. Besides, are you honestly going to want to get married and then say, "Ok, see ya hubby!" And go your separate ways? Seems rather pointless to me...
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    edited December 2011
    Two years is a much longer time than what I am  dealing with after we get married (we have been dating 2 1/2 years already and most of that he has been in California or Texas while Ive been here in Utah) but in my situation all of my family is in Utah as well as his Dad and Stepmom, It seems silly for me to leave my great job and both of our families and set up home in California for 8 months and then move back when he is finished and starts school in Utah. We have planned on me working while he finishes school so if we are going to be a one income family, I dont want to leave my well paying job for 8 months only to come back and try to find something, even more so in this economy...
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    aankac12aankac12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our entire relationship (6 years) has been long distance.  We are going to have a long distance marriage starting the day after (it will only be about 4 months though) we get back from our honeymoon.  We decided to get married because it was either now or wait 3 years. 
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    kaynix21kaynix21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Fi and I have done on and off long distance. It started in high school. We were together from April 2004 until January 2005, he moved to Texas because his family moved while I was finishing out senior year. He livend there for eight months so we visited every two months or so. It sucked and I would hate doing that with my husband.

    Then we went to college together and he went to boot camp and SOI in our second semester of freshman year.

    So we've been together for the most part for the last four years, except for the summers mostly.

    We picked this time to get married because we knew there was no deployment coming up for FI this summer because he's going for training. So this way we could plan a wedding and not worry too much about the military messing things up so we had to change our date, etc.

    When FI graduates this May we are moving back to my hometown and staying with my parents for a couple months. Neither one of us makes enough money to support ourselves and he;s a reservist right now. So moving home sucks, but other than that this was the best timing to get married.

    We're getting married in July and in the fall he's leaving for training and only for six months. We're not 100 percent sure I'm going. For training we don't get BaH, so we would be paying full price for an apartment and utilities. Whereas if I don't go, he could stay in the barracks, I could stay at my parents, so we wouldn't pay any rent. We'd both be working and hopefully saving up some money.

    But, I don't want to be away from m y husband for six months in our first year of marriage. so we're undecided on what we'll be doing.
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    edited December 2011
    We've pretty much always been long distance except for the first 6-ish weeks of our relationship. We had a civil ceremony about a month ago but we're planning a Catholic wedding for after he comes back from Afghanistan. So I guess right now we have a long distance marriage, he's in Arkansas and I'm in New Jersey. We see each other about twice a month and we've accepted it and just make it work. We were thinking about having the big Catholic wedding and then being long distance after that, but I felt that I wanted the big celebration for when we actually get to start our lives together.
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    rojobrorojobro member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Military long distance advice: Don't do it.
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    hollandpowershollandpowers member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're getting married in June, and he starts mobilizing for deployment in September. It's been a reality in our relationship for a long time. We were hoping that his deployment would be pushed back to May '11, but that didn't happen. Deployment isn't fun, especially in the first year of marriage, but it's something that we will deal with. Military life is unpredictible, you just have to roll with the punches.
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    edited December 2011
    We just got married two weeks ago (at the courthouse, our wedding is in september 2011) because he deploys in june. He is in TN and i am in AL (4 hours apart also) and i am not moving up there until he comes home next June. I have a good job adn it doestn make sense for me to move up there with only 2 months left before he leaves. so we are waiting. its tough, but i go every weekend. im also taking vacation time at work to be with him the week that he leaves.
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    edited December 2011
    I kind of feel like Distance is part of any military relationship. My FI and I are both careerists, we know and accept that some times we're going to come home to empty base housing. You just have to cherish the times you are together. No offense, but if you can't make it work with 4 hours of distance, bless your heart when he goes to afganistan. Don't be one of "those" wives that complains about missing your husband or FI or whatever when you can easily get in your car and go see him. There are those of us that would love to be able to drive and see our other halves, but that simply isn't an option... Be grateful for the time you have with him. Good Luck!!
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    edited December 2011
    Well,
    I am getting married In two months and then we are moving to Hawaii where he is stationed. We will be there for about 8 months and then he deploys in March. I am going back home to Wisconsin and then he goes to Iraq. We will be deployed for a year and after he is back he is out. But, I'm wondering the same thing as you. We are long distance right now and webcams help tremendously. Also we text and call eachother all throughout the day. I don't know how it will work being married and haveing him be gone again. But he has been in Hawaii for over a year and we have done that ok. So I'm hopefull. Just take all the good times and moments and remember them and enjoy them. You build a lot of trust between each other. We have a pretty strong relationship. Somedays it sucks but you get use to it to some degree. Good luck.
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