Missing SO

FutureMrsSS

I've posted on here a few times and you ladies always have great advice, and are or have been in the same situation so I thought I'd ask this here.

My FI is in the military and we're long distance, and have been for almost a year at this point. My FI really misses me, and talks about it a good bit. I honestly don't miss him too much though. Is this bad? We're getting married in about three months, and I've really started thinking about it. I don't know if that's a bad sign or something! I think about him all the time, and I do miss him on occasion but I don't know... I feel bad that I'm not constantly missing him. Also I work 60 hours a week, am finishing up school, settling into being in a new city, and planning the majority of the wedding. He is in that "waiting" on his base period and doesn't do too much during the day so I feel like he has a lot more time to think about these things as well. 

Basically is it bad that I don't seem to miss him too often? Sorry if this sounds really dumb and trivial. It's just been on my mind lately.

kyrgyzstan

Dude, you're so busy I don't know how you remember to breathe. You miss him when you have time to, right? Are you worried that it means you don't love him as much as you should or something?

I know H misses me, but he's well, flying almost every day in the middle of a war, so I'm not dying that he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him. 

CAB1217

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and can mean that you are just simply making the best out of his absence, which I don't think is a bad thing.
On the other hand, it's one thing to not "miss him as much"as he misses you, and it's another to not miss him at all. Are you feeling like you don't want to marry him? Or that you can see yourself without him? If so, then yes, you may have to end it. Otherwise, if you're just feeling bad because he seems to feel lonelier than you, don't. It's good to keep busy and have your own life.

FutureMrsSS

I do miss him. Especially after we skype and I see him I'll get especially mushy haha, and can't wait until the wedding to be with him and live with him. But inbetween those he'll be texting me good night and he misses me and all, and I'll think "I haven't even thought about missing you!" 

I have always been VERY  independent, and never got homesick or missed my family or friends if I was gone for weeks or months at a time. People will find out I'm in a LDR and they always remark "Omg that must be so hard. I would never be able to do that!" when it honestly doesn't bother me too much. I have also been getting a lot of those comments recently. It kind of makes me feel bad that I can do it? I think the combination of the comments from other people, and my FI has made me think about this. 

I do really love him, and can't imagine not getting married to him.

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_missing-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:61029535-db44-44b1-8681-458041824599Post:380f8e57-d416-4d11-b22f-14ec18c38088">Re: Missing SO</a>:
[QUOTE]I do miss him. Especially after we skype and I see him I'll get especially mushy haha, and can't wait until the wedding to be with him and live with him. But inbetween those he'll be texting me good night and he misses me and all, and I'll think "I haven't even thought about missing you!" <strong> I have always been VERY  independent, and never got homesick or missed my family or friends if I was gone for weeks or months at a time.</strong>People will find out I'm in a LDR and they always remark "Omg that must be so hard. I would never be able to do that!" when it honestly doesn't bother me too much. I have also been getting a lot of those comments recently. It kind of makes me feel bad that I can do it? I think the combination of the comments from other people, and my FI has made me think about this.  I do really love him, and can't imagine not getting married to him.
Posted by FutureMrsSS[/QUOTE]
Sounds to me like you're gonna be just fine being a Military wife :) Also, a few posts down, read the "I Love My Husband More" thread. May help you feel a little better about it.

Also, I can relate to the whole bolded part. I am, for the most part, the same way.

BinxRose

It sounds like you have nothing to worry about. I am the same way with H. Our first four months were LD, and I was so busy finishing my last semester of college with classes, internship, and work....I didn't have time to miss him!! I felt bad when he would text me about how much he missed me, and I would miss him too, just not as much.

Once I moved after graduating college, I got used to seeing him every day. And I didn't get a job for three months, so when he would leave for 10 days, I would be miserable. But now I have a job, joined a gym, etc, so when he leaves for five weeks at a time, no big deal.

I don't think it means you don't love him, you are just independent and crazy busy to have much time to dwell on it.

crownsuperstar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_missing-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:61029535-db44-44b1-8681-458041824599Post:4e080bdc-c61d-4328-a631-86b2e01dfc0c">Re: Missing SO</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like you have nothing to worry about. I am the same way with H. Our first four months were LD, and I was so busy finishing my last semester of college with classes, internship, and work....I didn't have time to miss him!! I felt bad when he would text me about how much he missed me, and I would miss him too, just not as much. Once I moved after graduating college, I got used to seeing him every day. And I didn't get a job for three months, so when he would leave for 10 days, I would be miserable. But now I have a job, joined a gym, etc, so when he leaves for five weeks at a time, no big <strong>deal. I don't think it means you don't love him, you are just independent and crazy busy to have much time to dwell on it.
</strong>Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

I agree with this totally. 

I miss my H however, I have a lot of distractions to keep my mind off of missing him so much.  He on the other hand is busy at work sure but then he goes back to his room and has time to think.  Know what I mean?  My days are often very different with issues coming up all of the time like do I have to go to the store, I need gas, pay this bill, cleaners, work, gym, or what's for dinner. So my mind is kept busy thinking about all kinds of other things. Where as his is only focused on his job. 

For me keeping busy has made this deployment so much easier on us both.  I woke up the other day and realized that we are just about over it so yay!  I think where a lot of people get into trouble is when they just sit around wishing, wanting and missing.  Not to say that I don't want him home, it just can't be that way right now.  So I deal.

FutureMrsSS

Thanks so much everyone it has really made me feel better. Thanks for pointing that article out to me CAB! It's funny whenever I go and visit FI and am leaving he'll always be like "I dont get any tears?" I sometimes cry leaving but usually I don't, and it will just be a few tears and its over with haha so I really liked that article. 

I really appreciated the points people brought up, and it made me realize I do really love him and its fine I don't miss him! I had a girl I work with the other day tell me "Oh wow you're long distance? I love my boyfriend WAY too much to ever do that to him." and have been getting a lot of comments like this lately.