Military Brides
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New some help...

My boyfriend is stationed at Bragg and I live in Nashville,TN. We are planning on getting married next year, but I just lost my job and things are lining up for me to make the big move to NC. Here's the kicker though...My parents and family are gonna freak if I just pick up and move 10 hours away..especially to a guy I'm not married to. (They're very religious and against the whole "shacking up" deal as they put it) I also don't think they're gonna be to happy with a wedding in a couple months...I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to move to NC and have a JOP wedding and tell my family that that is when we got engaged (It will make things a little easier if they think I'm living with a fiance instead of a boyfriend) and then start planning for our Wedding next year....How do I go about having a JOP wedding and what do I need to do? Is it possible to have a JOP wedding in NC, then have our big wedding in TN? Can't you get married twice ? Does this plan even sound realistic? I'd certainly appreciate any kind of a advice! Thank ladies!

Re: New some help...

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    edited December 2011
    My fiance is stationed at Bragg too. :) I totally know what you mean about the "shacking up" deal, I struggled with that a bit myself before we were engaged... The plan you have in mind isn't completely unrealistic. JOP weddings are very common with military couples. I'm not too sure of every detail you have to go over before the ceremony (marriage license, witness, etc.), but perhaps when you get to NC, you can visit the Chaplain on post to ask about it. In response to your other question, yes it's possible to have your JOP wedding in NC and a reception or vow renewal in TN. 

    Hope this helps a little. :)
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    edited December 2011
    I'll give you the advice my FMIL gave me. You are an adult (I'm assuiming you're at least over 18 right?) I know it can be hard to live your own life, and tell your family that these are your decisons, but at the end of the day, it's your life. I was engaged for a good 2 months before I told my parents, because I was scared of thier reaction. Ask them how they'd feel about a JOP before a big wedding in TN?  As as actually having a JOP ceremony, I'm pretty sure you just have to apply for a marriage license, and make an appointment at the courthouse.  Usually since you're already "Married" your big wedding would be more of a vow renewal.. But the whole plan is actually alot more common than you'd think. Alot of military couples do that, it's just easier with trying to live together, and taking leave and stuff. Good Luck!!
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    SpunkchinSpunkchin member
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    edited December 2011
    You lost your job and your first reaction is to get married sooner? Why not find another job and stick with your original plan?

    Just because you're in a tough spot now doesn't mean you should change up the plan, have a secret wedding (JOP is a wedding, btw) and lie to your parents to avoid upsetting them and live with your bf/fi/h.

    You cannot get married twice. You get one marriage license and that's it. Most officiants wont do "fake" ceremonies to propagate a lie on your behalf either. If you do a vow renewal it will be apparent to everyone that is what you are doing.

    If you are going to do the JOP why not be forthcoming about it and invite your parents? Don't you think they deserve to know and be there? If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to discuss this with your parents like an adult and deal with their reactions accordingly. If this means they wont pay for a big wedding in TN then you have a decision to make, but don't go behind their backs so you can have your "big day" paid for by them.

    FWIW I only know one couple who did this -- it's not as common as everyone who wants to do it, thinks it is.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree completely with Spunkchin and Rach. You get one wedding, even it is "only" a JOP.

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    edited December 2011
    actually JOP weddings with the military is very common. I did it, and every military wife i know has done it. granted not everyone does it but it is VERY common in the military. I agree though, do not hide it, you will end up doing more hurt to your parents by lying than living in sin with your boyfriend. but dont do it just because u lost your job. there are plenty of other jobs out there and you shouldnt uproot your life because you hit one rough spot. do what will make you happy but dont do it because its a back up plan. if you jump in this to quick and without really thinking it through you will regret it and also may end up in an even rougher spot in the long run. the military is tough to be married to.dont take it lightly. make sure you know what you are getting in to. talk to your parents. and talk to your boyfriend. how does he feel about  a JOP wedding? is this what he wants too?
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    edited December 2011
    I don't know about getting married just because you lost your job but...

    My FI and I thought about having a JOP wedding and not telling anyone(there are valid reasons for this) and then having our "big" wedding in October. We just decided that the "big" wedding wouldn't feel special because we had already done it. If your parents are super religious they probably aren't going to feel much better about you living with your FI rather than BF. Can you even live with him? There are rules about living together if you aren't married.

    Anywho: Yes it is possible to have a JOP wedding in NC and "big" wedding in TN. JOP wedding can be done at the courthouse or with a NC notary anywhere you choose. Just think this through to make sure this is what you really want. An engagement is a time to really enjoy gettint married and you won't be able to have an engagement period.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:81f67089-fb11-43e5-a97a-e4290760dd5fPost:1545f32f-bf1c-4f41-a42c-ae9499003c4e">Re: New some help...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What's a valid reason for lying about being married?
    Posted by rach6409[/QUOTE]

    <div>Amen. There is never a valid reason to get married and LIE about it. It's immature and smacks of a violation of honor.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't even think there are very valid reasons to JOP, though I think if anyone had an argument, it's the mod of this board, and she and her FI didn't even live together after. I plan on commissioning into the Marine Corps after my graduation in December. SO is enlisted. If we don't get married, we'll have to break up, and I still doubt we'll JOP, just so we can have a 'real' wedding after OCS/TBS. If we decide to get married, we'll do it before I leave, and we'll do it once. Pretending you're not married when you are for benefits, bah, moving, etc. is weird. If you want to get married, get married JOP or not. But don't pretend you're not. </div>
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    edited December 2011
    Perhaps I should clarify a few things that you ladies have misunderstood...

    No, First reaction after loosing my job was not hurry up and it get married. The reason I was not wanting to get married right away was, because I really loved my job and wouldn't health insurance if I didn't have. With the job no longer standing in the way there was nothing holding me back.

    Second, We have decided to tell my parents and grand parents ( the only ones I actually close to) that we're getting married. 
     
    Also another reason for the changes in plans is He is re-enlisting  for 2 more years instead of getting out in october, therefore I am moving there for a couple years till he gets out.

    Thanks for you insight..positive and negative..
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    kaynix21kaynix21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You cannot get married twice. Whatever wedding ceremony you have, JOP or otherwise, that is you getting married.

    So you can always do a vow renewal or just have a reception later. But you can't get two marriage license's or anything like that. That part happens just once.

    And I don't blame you for wanting to go with the boyfriend, etc., Just don't lie about being married.
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