Tradition of the Father (of the bride) walking Bride down the aisle then giving her away

OctBride103013

I was discussing with my fiance that I'm opting to not have my father walk me down the aisle and give me away. In my mind, I see me walking down the aisle to the man I'm going to be vowing myself to for enternity. My dad and I are not that close nor is he close to my fiance. Everything that is involving our wedding has meaning and positive emotion behind it. My dad let go of me a very long time ago and my fiance & I didnt really have the support my family when we were first together or when we were got enaged. No one on my side has even discussed my wedding; my mom is waiting until 4 months before the wedding to go dress shopping for me but hasn't yet let me explain that I'm having my dress custom made. My sister, her son and her fiance are living with my parents and she is currently pregnant with her 2nd child and my mom is also in college and works a fulltime job. But she can make plans with my sister to go baby shopping. As far as I'm concerned, my fiance is paying for the wedding entirely. I dont want to step on any toes or hurt my dads feelings but I dont want to do this when it really hurts me b/c it makes me realize that my father and I should of had that relationship where he was giving us his blessing. Should I just bury the emotions deep inside and give my dad this moment OR should I talk with him about it (mind you, my dad will probably get super pissed and this maybe cause WWIII)?

MobKaz

There are many brides that make a conscious choice to walk up the aisle alone.  Some of these brides will tell you that it is in NO way a reflection of their relationship with their father.  In fact, brides with outstanding parental relationships will make this choice for a variety of reasons.

Some brides feel that their age (in their mindset) prevents them from doing so, others will say they do not subscribe to the mentality of being "given away", and others yet will have a number of other reasons as to why it makes sense for them to walk unescorted.

In reading these threads, one suggestion many brides are given is to walk half way up the aisle unescorted, and then have your fiance meet you at that point to escort you the rest of the way.

If your dad "let go of you" a long time ago, he may not even expect to perform that role.  It doesn't sound as if he has made any attempt to offer, so I am not sure you need to forewarn or explain to him why you would prefer to walk alone.  It sounds as if your rationale has more to do with the philosophy you share with your fiance, rather than one of trying to hurt or "make a point" to your father.  If you think it best to speak with your father about your decision, make sure you are resolute on it before you do.

OctBride103013

There was nothing refering "how to deal with my family", its merely getting an opinion on how to address the issue. If I needed advice on how to deal with my family, I would not be seeking advice from any one on this site. And actually I was hoping that someone would answer who was in a similar situation. And, communication involves two or more people, not one person speaking and no one responding. But thank you for the attempt in providing me advice but your response offered nothing to me.

OctBride103013

Thank you so very much for your response. It offered a great deal of very helpful information. I assumed it was tradition to have the father walk the bride down the aisle. I am 28 and have ny own family now so it does seem odd, when not considering the emotional ascept of things, that my dad walk me down the aisle. Again, thank you. Such a relief. :

AddieCake

In Response to Re:Tradition of the Father of the bride walking Bride down the aisle then giving her away:
[QUOTE]There was nothing refering "how to deal with my family", its merely getting an opinion on how to address the issue. If I needed advice on how to deal with my family, I would not be seeking advice from any one on this site. And actually I was hoping that someone would answer who was in a similar situation. And, communication involves two or more people, not one person speaking and no one responding. But thank you for the attempt in providing me advice but your response offered nothing to me.
Posted by OctBride103013[/QUOTE]

You were asking how to address an issue with a member of your family. That would fall under the category of dealing with your family. And I believe her suggestion about communication probably meant that you need to communicate to your father how you feel about not being close to him and perhaps not wanting him to walk you down the aisle. 

I personally don't think you should have him walk you. You've stated he let you go a long time ago and that you aren't close. It seems like him walking you down the aisle would be nothing but show. To me, if you even have to think about it, you've answered your own question. 

aquari0216

Felt the same way...my weddng clearly isnt a priority to my daddy...id rather walk myself dwn the aisle....hope it all works out for u

SraEstrella811

When I first got engaged I felt similar feelings to what you are feeling. I also am not close to my father. My father picked up and moved across the country over 20years ago. Not looking back very often to check how his children where doing. My biggest anger was knowing that a few years ago his stepdaughter got married and I heard that he paid for that wedding. Knowing that hurt because we went through many struggles growing up and he wasnt there. I was not sure how I was going to handle giving the honor of walking me down the aisle. Someone gave me some advice which helped me, they told me not to think about him and to think about myself. What did I want? Did I want my father to walk me down the aisle or Did I prefer to have someone else...I was going to have my brother do it! I have decided that Im not going to punish myself I want him and my mom walk me down the aisle.  Our situations may be different but in the end think about what you want...not what he or anyone else wants. 

SraEstrella811

When I first got engaged I felt similar feelings to what you are feeling. I also am not close to my father. My father picked up and moved across the country over 20years ago. Not looking back very often to check how his children where doing. My biggest anger was knowing that a few years ago his stepdaughter got married and I heard that he paid for that wedding. Knowing that hurt because we went through many struggles growing up and he wasnt there. I was not sure how I was going to handle giving the honor of walking me down the aisle. Someone gave me some advice which helped me, they told me not to think about him and to think about myself. What did I want? Did I want my father to walk me down the aisle or Did I prefer to have someone else...I was going to have my brother do it! I have decided that Im not going to punish myself I want him and my mom walk me down the aisle.  Our situations may be different but in the end think about what you want...not what he or anyone else wants. 

OwningAHome1981

You can do whatever you like. Walking down with your fiance sounds lovely. You can even walk down with your mom & sister or by yourself (that way no one is hurt). Nothing is set in stone- it's not right or wrong, it's what will make you happiest on your day.

I'm having both my parents walk me down b/c they are such an important part of my life and I couldn't favour one over the other in terms of walking down.

Don't give into your dad if it is not truly what you want.