Where do we have the wedding?

KindleM

Okay so my FI and I live in GA together. His entire family lives in Arizona(as well as a good chunk of our friends) and my entire family lives in Tennessee. Where do we have our wedding? In this case would it be okay to have a destination wedding? How do we go about bridal showers, engagment parties, ect?

Beachy730

You could choose to do it in GA where you live, or just do a DW so it's fair to everyone involved.  Maybe you could do a location central to both families so the travel distance is about the same. 

You don't do anything about pre-wedding parties, because those are thrown for you by other people.  Many times with a DW you forego several traditions like showers and things.  But if someone is offering to throw you one, they could do it in their hometown while you are there visiting.  If they do that though I wouldn't have the other familiy on the guest list.  Personally I don't think OOT people should be invited to pre-wedding parties because I think it looks gift grabby because it's unrealistic to think someone would fly in just for a shower. 

kara811

Ditto dnbeach. We were in the same boat as you. FI's entire family are in the northwest, and my family is mostly from California, and all over the US. We chose to do it here in Vegas where I am, that way it's equal for both sides and it's easier on me planning wise. You can either do it there in GA or have a DW, but like PP, many of those prewedding parties or traditions are not easily done. They're not necessary to get married, so it's okay even if you don't have them.

calindi

We live in Florida, my family is near Boston, and his family is in Upstate New York.

We've talked about two options - getting married in my hometown, since my parents will be paying and it's only driving distance for his family (it's pointless to do it in the middle because then EVERYONE has to pay for a hotel).  Or a destination wedding - while we could do it in Florida near where we live, we don't really have any loyalty to this place and wouldn't want to get married here.  Plus Miami isn't known for being a good place to stretch a dollar.  So if we don't get married in my hometown, we want to get married in Costa Rica.

We plan to rent a house for the week, big enough for both of our immediate families (parents, siblings, siblings' significant others and children).  We'll have a week long vacation with everyone beforehand, and then have the wedding on the last Saturday so guests can come in just for the weekend if they want.  It's a great vacation destination, not very expensive to fly to (at least not more than flying to Miami anyway), clean and safe.  We also had our first vacation there together, so it has special meaning for us.  For 20% less than it would cost in my hometown, we can invite the same number of guests (fewer will likely be able to attend, but we budget for everyone), get basically everything we'd want, AND have the house for the week for a vacation with our families.  Since we live so far from our families and we're going to be moving a lot as a military couple, time spent with our families is very important to us, so this seems to be an absolutely perfect solution for us!

As far as pre-wedding parties, like PP said, this is for others to plan.  Instead of a bachelorette party, with a destination wedding, you can have a "girls night" two days before with the girls who come.  Or you can just wait and see what your friends plan - most of my friends are in DC, so chances are we'll end up doing something there.  Or everyone'll come to Miami.  With bridal showers, if someone wants to throw one for you, they'd be where they want them to be.  Each family can throw an engagement party if they wish near their homes, it just depends who wants to host a party!

MirandaLorene

I had the same issue. My parents and I live in Indiana. Most of my friends are in Ohio. He's in Texas. Most of his family is in North Carolina. His parents and sisters are in Japan. I decided to have the wedding in Indiana. I came to the conclusion that most people are going to have to travel, but with my parents here...I have my mom to help with the planning and since I'm going to be moving when he gets his new orders, I need a "base" person. We also decided that since my grandma is in Indiana and can't travel too far (she's in a nursing home), we would have it here, so she can be at the wedding. Just remember, it's your wedding and you're not going to make everyone happy. Bottom line...people are going to travel no matter where you have the wedding. Just make sure your day is the way you want it and you don't have to please everyone. Keep in mind the people you want to be there...do you have elderly family members that you want there? Because they probably won't be able to travel far. Where would be the easiest to plan the wedding at? Make things as easy as possible for you. Good luck deciding your location!

KindleM

thanks for all the advice! I honestly didn't know that I wasn't supose to plan the pre wedding parties. lol He and I both like the idea of doing something in Orlando FL. Theres alot to do there and we both love it there. I feel if I'm asking ppl to take time of work for me and they have to travel on top of that it might as well be somewhere super fun.

calindi

If you like Orlando and one of you is in the military, check out Shades of Green resort.  It's a military-only complex near Disney that is supposedly beautiful (haven't been myself) and they do weddings.

whaleflipflops

Things like showers should not be the determining issue for where to plan your wedding. It is very common for a bride to have several showers hosted for her if she lives or is getting married in a different place than where she grew up. (I hosted a NY shower for a friend from Detroit who was getting married there. Her friends from back home also hosted one for her. I'm having two- one in NY and one here in Germany where we are stationed. I know of a girl who had 3.)

Fiance and I had the same issue- he grew up in Nebraska, with family in Wisconsin, Chicago, Colorado, Alabama, Tennessee, and Nebraska. I grew up in New York City and most of my family is within a 4 hour's drive of NY. We chose to do it in New York City because I have only one living grandparent. It's super important for me to have my Nana at my wedding but unfortunately, she is not in the best of health and can't travel at all. If we got married anywhere outside of Manhattan, it would be too much for her and she would not make it.

becca87678

We are doing our where he is stationed. He's from NJ, I'm from Ontario, Canada and he's stationed in California. We're both far more attached to where he's stationed, and then we're not worried about "picking a side" and doing it closer to one family than the other's. I'm not too worried about showers and whatnot, they'll come if and when they do. I don't need that. We're doing parties in both towns (informal get togethers) to celebrate with friends who couldn't make it out to California as we realize that it's out of more casual friends' budget and time. That's what's working for us!

seasidebride24

I have a similar problem for the shower and I am happy that if there is to be one I do not have to plan it! Some of my FI's family lives out in CA but almost all of the guests live in NH or ME.  We do have a few guests scattered down the East Coast.  Our wedding is really small so the guest list for the shower would be around 25 if my BMs include the OOTers.  Unfortunately, my FI's mother and her two sisters are the family living in CA.  I want them to be included, but I'd feel bad if they flew across the country for a wedding shower.  I guess I'll leave that stuff up to my BMs.

If you are looking at getting married in Orlando, definitely check out Shades of Green like Calindi suggested.  I haven't been there in a few years, but I remember it being really nice.  I looked it up when I saw the post and they have amazing deals on weddings, I'm kind of jealous I didn't think of it!

brin_9759

This is the situation we found ourselves in. We have ultimately decided to have a shower in our home state, while we are getting married by the JOP and having a formal reception at the base where we are currently stationed. We live close enough to our home state that those who really want to attend the reception can, those who don't want to make the drive or can't can attend the shower. We discussed it with family/friends and given the logistics everyone is fine with it. ultimately, it's your wedding and you don't need any more stress than necessary!