Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration"

Louisa2009

Anyone else do the legal marriage before the religious celebration?

I guess that means we "eloped" but with him PCSing it really worked out better this way.

Now I'm trying to come up with wording for our save the dates. People say we can't invite them to the "wedding" because we already had one. That makes me really sad because we literally only signed papers--no ceremony or anything.

What do we write on the save the dates to reflect that it's a religious wedding but the legal one already happened?

Anyone else frustrated with this?

Thanks for your help and advice!

LuluP82

Does everyone you're sending a save the date to know you're married?

I think the big issue people have with you calling a vow renewal a wedding is that it's deceitful. I think if everyone knows you're already married, it's not a huge deal to me personally.

Save the dates usually just say the couple's name, date and city. So it shouldn't be a huge issue anyway.

shan87

Depending on your religious ceremony - if its Catholic you could say something like "please join us in our celebration of the sacrament of marriage" 

I know you probably wont want to but I think you should make an annoucement about your "elopment/civil ceremony" on the STD. So people know that legally in your state you are already married and enjoying said rights that come with it. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_save-dates-wedding-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fd6961fd-c19d-4855-bf1d-3e1305d78b53Post:77d6318b-990c-44e3-b170-90e24741feed">Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration"</a>:
[QUOTE]Anyone else do the legal marriage before the religious celebration? I guess that means we "eloped" but with him PCSing it really worked out better this way. Now I'm trying to come up with wording for our save the dates. <strong>People say we can't invite them to the "wedding" because we already had one. That makes me really sad because we literally only signed papers--no ceremony or anything.</strong> What do we write on the save the dates to reflect that it's a religious wedding but the legal one already happened? Anyone else frustrated with this? Thanks for your help and advice!
Posted by Louisa2009[/QUOTE]

You can be sad, but no matter how you did it, that was your wedding.  You are married.

I would maybe do your STD as a marriage announcement/STD for the religious vow renewal ceremony.  Make it very clear to your guests that you are already married.

John Smith & Mary Jones were joined in marriage on January 2, 2011.  Please save the date for our religous ceremony where we will renew our vows on June 1, 2011 in Wherever, State.

ScissortailFlycatcher

When we eloped I sent out announcments so everyone in our family knew we were already legally married. That way when I send invites inviting people to our wedding they hopefully won't be confused. Since, most of them are Catholic.

Are you getting re-married in the Catholic church.?

We're doing this, and despite what everyone thinks, they consider it a wedding. My husbands priest does not view us as married.
It will be a wedding ceremony.

shan87

Hattie we were considering JOP and our Priest said the same thing basically "its void and doesn't mean a thing to the church" which is quickly added - it also doesn't mean you get to live togther. In the Catholic Church's eyes.

ETA: This is the Church's view not mine. I think whatever is appropriate for each couple where they make the commitment.

Louisa2009

The thing is that for us this is not a vow renewal, we never said any vows.

We already personally called everyone and they were ok with it before.

With the separation of church and state we thought it would be easier, but it really isn't.


Well, I'm just going to write the Save the Dates the way we wanted to originally. If anyone has a problem, I think it will be easier to deal with it on a personal level.

My parents, who are paying for most of it, do not consider us already married, so I think I need to make sure they will be willing to buy the Save the Dates we choose.

:)Thanks for all the different view points!

LuluP82

You could always invite them to celebrate the blessing of your union, assuming you're having a religious ceremony,

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_save-dates-wedding-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fd6961fd-c19d-4855-bf1d-3e1305d78b53Post:328e7681-6c63-4b77-b08b-80b797a3443e">Re: Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration"</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is that for us this is not a vow renewal, we never said any vows. We already personally called everyone and they were ok with it before. With the separation of church and state we thought it would be easier, but it really isn't. :( Well, I'm just going to write the Save the Dates the way we wanted to originally. If anyone has a problem, I think it will be easier to deal with it on a personal level. My parents, who are paying for most of it, do not consider us already married, so I think I need to make sure they will be willing to buy the Save the Dates we choose. :)Thanks for all the different view points!
Posted by Louisa2009[/QUOTE]

I know you are saying this is your parent's opinion, and not yours, but what do they mean when they say they don't consider you already married?  Because it wasn't recognized by the church?  Or because you didn't exchange vows?

I'm sorry, but I personally hate how people downgrade any type of marriage.  Whether you literally just signed papers, or are Prince William and Kate with it aired internationally on TV.  The fact is that the law recognizes you as married.  if your religion doesn't that's one thing, but that doesn't mean you aren't married.  If that's the case then the military shouldn't recognize it either. 

::steps off soapbox::

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_save-dates-wedding-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:fd6961fd-c19d-4855-bf1d-3e1305d78b53Post:e38c4928-1e7c-44da-aa02-73afeea1ad16">Re: Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration" : I know you are saying this is your parent's opinion, and not yours, but what do they mean when they say they don't consider you already married?  Because it wasn't recognized by the church?  Or because you didn't exchange vows? I'm sorry, but I personally hate how people downgrade any type of marriage.  Whether you literally just signed papers, or are Prince William and Kate with it aired internationally on TV.  The fact is that the law recognizes you as married.  if your religion doesn't that's one thing, but that doesn't mean you aren't married.  If that's the case then the military shouldn't recognize it either.  ::steps off soapbox::
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Not just that, but your parents aren't the ones getting the STD and invites. The other guests shouldn't be "deceived" into thinking you aren't legally married.

And this comes from someone who did a JOP and then a religious ceremony + reception.

We didn't call it a wedding. We called it a blessing. didn't want to offend anyone.

ETA: My background-- and H's -- is Latin American. In Latin America, everyone gets married civilly as a no big deal, no frills, signing the papers thing, and follows it up with a religious or secular ceremony with the dress and family and friends and such (if they choose to throw a traditional wedding). So, I didn't realize this wasn't normal here in the US until I joined TK. Because it would make our lives easier, after talking to our families, we decided to do the JOP early. After I joined, I realized what a faux pas-- our American friends might be hurt and feel excluded. So we tried to fix it the best we could.

KimL23

We were in the same situation as you. We worded our STD's as "Kim & Michael are celebrating their marriage...". Everybody we invited knows we're legally married and they're happy they get to celebrate with us.  Also, on our invitations, we're calling it a "reaffirmation of vows"..

good luck!

Jynxey

I've been trying to figure this out as well. I think I am going to word it as a "ring ceremony" (because we only have temporary rings at the moment) and "wedding reception". For the most part though, I think everyone should know what you mean, no matter what you say. And if they don't word travels fast enough, that they will know what's going on before the big day.

Jynxey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_save-dates-wedding-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:fd6961fd-c19d-4855-bf1d-3e1305d78b53Post:e38c4928-1e7c-44da-aa02-73afeea1ad16">Re: Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save the Dates for Wedding "celebration" : I know you are saying this is your parent's opinion, and not yours, but what do they mean when they say they don't consider you already married?  Because it wasn't recognized by the church?  Or because you didn't exchange vows? I'm sorry, but <strong>I personally hate how people downgrade any type of marriage</strong>.  Whether you literally just signed papers, or are Prince William and Kate with it aired internationally on TV.  <strong>The fact is that the law recognizes you as married.</strong>  if your religion doesn't that's one thing, <strong>but that doesn't mean you aren't married</strong>.  If that's the case then the military shouldn't recognize it either.  ::steps off soapbox::
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I liked that soap box! Lots of applause! </div>

ArmyBridePrincess08

Do what makes you happy. Don't worry about what others think. That being said don't lie, but if you want to call it a wedding do so.. It's no one else's business how you choose to plan your 2nd wedding. If they don't like it they can always stay home.

Louisa2009

Everything was solved. I think a lot of the confusion on this thread was that people didn't realize we told everyone that we are legally married. (So all the guests knew, before getting any announcement that we were already married--no deception involve.d

We did the invites for a cake/party/reception thing. Turned out great! Everyone loves the cards, and planning is going great. Thanks for the input and ideas.