Not Engaged Yet

New lady in waiting!

Hey ya'll! Just wanted to do an intro.

My soon to be fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years now and have a beautiful 3 and a half month old daughter! We know were going to get married, there is just one pesky little thing standing in our way...Me. I have to lose weight before he pops to questions.

I know this sounds incredibly dickish of him, but let me explain. I have serious issues with my weight. So much so, that I RARELY let someone take a picture of me, or can be in front of a large group of people without having a serious panic attack. I didn't even want pictures taken of me holding my daughter for the first time because I knew I would look HORRIBLE.

This is why J won't propose until I get to where I feel good about myself. He doesn't want me to feel insecure and have a panic attack on our wedding day. he wants me to feel confident and beautiful and happy. And I know all I would be thinking about while walking down the aisle is "God everyone is staring at me!"

So this is kind of like my incentive! A proposal is coming in the next couple of months because I am already well on my way to shedding the pounds!  We both agreed we would like to be married in October of this year, so I've got my work cut out for me!
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Re: New lady in waiting!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:77d00958-e07e-4e52-ac46-e9f87a782a51">New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey ya'll! Just wanted to do an intro. My soon to be fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years now and have a beautiful 3 and a half month old daughter! We know were going to get married, there is just one pesky little thing standing in our way...Me. <strong>I have to lose weight before he pops to questions.</strong>I know this sounds incredibly dickish of him, but let me explain. I have serious issues with my weight. So much so, that I RARELY let someone take a picture of me, or can be in front of a large group of people without having a serious panic attack. I didn't even want pictures taken of me holding my daughter for the first time because I knew I would look HORRIBLE. This is why J won't propose until I get to where I feel good about myself. He doesn't want me to feel insecure and have a panic attack on our wedding day. he wants me to feel confident and beautiful and happy. And I know all I would be thinking about while walking down the aisle is "God everyone is staring at me!" So this is kind of like my incentive! A proposal is coming in the next couple of months because I am already well on my way to shedding the pounds!  We both agreed we would like to be married in October of this year, so I've got my work cut out for me!
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]

    Srsly?
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • Yes. Srsly. It sounds worse then it actually is. If I was happy with myself and not depressed all the time, we would have been engaged a while ago.

    Buuuut I forgot this wasn't an actual NEY board and most of you are actually married. So I'll be moving on =)
  • How much could you possibly weigh for this to be an issue? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:2b706d93-a877-4c84-ac24-4c86789af940">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes. Srsly. It sounds worse then it actually is. If I was happy with myself and not depressed all the time, we would have been engaged a while ago. <strong>Buuuut I forgot this wasn't an actual NEY board and most of you are actually married. </strong>So I'll be moving on =)
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]
    What does this have to do with being friendly with us? 
  • With the on  goings around here lately I am hesitant to bring out the MUD whistle but.... I'm going to do it anyway.  MUD.
  • edited January 2012
    I agree, what happens if you don't lose the weight?  

    Not everyone on this board is engaged/married either.

    ETA - but being married/engaged won't change the answers to your question either
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Is losing weight really going to make you feel "confident, beautiful and happy?"  Because many times there are bigger self esteem issues at play.  I would suggest you get counseling for your anxiety and depression.

    How much weight do you need to lose before your BF decides he'll want to marry you?  What if you gain weight in the future?  Will he divorce you?
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • I weigh a good bit. If you must know, I am 5 ft and 220 lbs. Having a baby didn't help. He doesn't want me to be skinny by any means. He just wants me to be happy with myself, which I am not.  At all. If you looked like a freaking Oopma Loompa, would you be happy with yourself? If I were confident and felt good about myself the way I look right now, it wouldn't even be an issue with him.
  • Whose idea was it to wait until you lost weight to get engaged? What it his idea or yours or a joint decision?

    I also want to know what happens if you don't lose the weight?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:435deb1b-62be-4b5f-bb70-3e9d41c72718">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is losing weight really going to make you feel "confident, beautiful and happy?"  Because many times there are bigger self esteem issues at play.  I would suggest you get counseling for your anxiety and depression. <strong>How much weight do you need to lose before your BF decides he'll want to marry you?  What if you gain weight in the future?  Will he divorce you?</strong>
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    There is no set amount. Just until I feel good about myself again. And absolustely not. This isn't for him or his happiness. He's pefectly happy with me as it is. I'm the one who's not happy. It's comes down to me feeling good on our wedding day, and not being insecure and paniced walking down the aisle.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:c99820de-3ce2-4fdc-a8dd-0bd42e1f2747">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I weigh a good bit. If you must know, I am 5 ft and 220 lbs. Having a baby didn't help. He doesn't want me to be skinny by any means. He just wants me to be happy with myself, which I am not.  At all. If you looked like a freaking Oopma Loompa, would you be happy with yourself? If I were confident and felt good about myself the way I look right now, it wouldn't even be an issue with him.
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]

    Have you ever felt confident and happy with yourself?
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • *headdesk* siriously? Good grief.... 

    I don't see how weight = whether or not he proposes.... ?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:446ba3bb-ff4e-460c-a82a-330c624f7c5d">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whose idea was it to wait until you lost weight to get engaged? What it his idea or yours or a joint decision? I also want to know what happens if you don't lose the weight?
    Posted by CabernetHoney[/QUOTE]

    It was a joint decision. We had been talking about getting married. We had been talking about me losing weight. I felt like I had zero motivation. This is definitely motivation for me.

    If I honestly CAN'T lose the weight for some strange reason, obviously there is a more serious medical issue that I can't control. But if I'm just slacking off, and not working on it - who's fault is that really? Not his by any means. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:40661f09-0e97-4f37-a809-8f78a3fec3a6">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : Have you ever felt confident and happy with yourself?
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]
    That is a good question.  Lots of people struggle with self confidence regardless of how they look. 
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    Strange.  Like PPs have said, I don't think the weight is an issue.  how do you know you'll automatically feel better about yourself when you lose weight?
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:40661f09-0e97-4f37-a809-8f78a3fec3a6">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : Have you ever felt confident and happy with yourself?
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    when I lost weight before, yes I did.I was heavy when I met him. About a year into the relationship I dropped about 50 lbs and felt AWESOME. Then I got laid off, and got pregnant and packed on the pounds.

    I know what you all must be thinking. He only wants to marry a skinny, beautiful girl Not at all the case. He used to be 300 lbs himself. He's been there, and knows what it does to your self-esteem. When we met, I was heavy and stayed heavy for a year. He stood by me through all of that.
  • I sort of understand this...it doesn't immediately sound like he's being a d!ck, just that he sees your weight as the issue, not the anxiety. To be so anxious about your weight that you didn't want pictures taken after the birth of your daughter (congrats, btw!) it seems to me like there is more than just weight going on.

    Maybe counseling would help you not only lose and keep unhealthy weight off but feel better about your body and work out where this anxiety is coming from. Have you thought about going to a counselor?

    BTW, this is coming from someone who is not married or engaged (not that that should matter anyway) and who had an eating disorder for 2 years, so I get body image anxiety.
    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:77d00958-e07e-4e52-ac46-e9f87a782a51">New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My soon to be fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years now and have a beautiful 3 and a half month old daughter!
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]

    <div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:dfbe3a69-f0ca-406b-845d-a9ba7beef979">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : when I lost weight before, yes I did.I was heavy when I met him. About a year into the relationship I dropped about 50 lbs and felt AWESOME. Then I got laid off, and got pregnant and packed on the pounds. 
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Your math doesn't add up in your posts.</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:8671e631-c2dd-42d9-86f1-52ee4a1ccdf4">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you have realistic weight loss goals?  
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    I think I do. When I lost weight before, I lost about 50 lbs in 5 months. I'd like to lose about 30 lbs in 3-5 months now.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:b932a412-af26-472f-b4d6-d7996dffb3c6">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to New lady in waiting! : In Response to  Re: New lady in waiting! : Your math doesn't add up in your posts.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    What math? LOL. There was a span of time in between the lay off, and pregnancy. I was out of work for a good while, which added to the depression and weight gain, and then got pregnant.
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:0127b889-5c99-4192-97f9-cb465b3e2752">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : What math? LOL. There was a span of time in between the lay off, and pregnancy. I was out of work for a good while, which added to the depression and weight gain, and then got pregnant.
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]

    <div>Those quotes contradict each other.  If you got pregnant a year into the relationship, you'd have been together a lot longer than 3 years if your LO is 3 and a half.</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:3733fd35-7f77-474e-8fec-9182e0ba3a1a">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't answer my other question about seeing a counseling for your anxiety about your weight.
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    I suppose I could always go to counseling. I personally don't think I need it because I already know I feel better about myself when I lose weight. It's not such a strange concept, really. Many people have self-esteem issues based on weight, and feel uncomfortable and like they're being judged when they're in a public setting.
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    I think that one of the first steps in dealing with emotional eating or compulsive overeating is developing self-esteem that does not depend on your weight or your eating.

    This is a really helpful book:
    http://www.amazon.com/Food-Feelings-Workbook-Course-Emotional/dp/0936077204/ref=sr_1_27?ie=UTF8&qid=1325807852&sr=8-27

    ETA: And yes, therapy can be very helpful in this process.



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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:1acb9598-3920-4619-9188-bf278e29700d">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : I suppose I could always go to counseling. I personally don't think I need it because I already know I feel better about myself when I lose weight. It's not such a strange concept, really. Many people have self-esteem issues based on weight, and feel uncomfortable and like they're being judged when they're in a public setting.
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]

    <div>Counseling could help you long term.  What if you do lose the weight, get married, and it comes back and you feel depressed/have self-esteem issues again?  </div>
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:ed5b76a3-06a6-4b22-af67-c7747f99e43e">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : Those quotes contradict each other.  If you got pregnant a year into the relationship, you'd have been together a lot longer than 3 years if your LO is 3 and a half.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    She's 3 and a half <strong>MONTHS</strong>. And I didn't get pregnant a year into the relationship. I got pregnant last January. We've been together since April 09. Lost weight in April 2010. Got laid off in October 2010, stated packing on weight, then got pregnant in January 2011.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:31ee7484-2d14-40a1-a518-5a5f1f1077cc">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : She's 3 and a half MONTHS . And I didn't get pregnant a year into the relationship. I got pregnant last January. We've been together since April 09. Lost weight in April 2010. Got laid off in October 2010, stated packing on weight, then got pregnant in January 2011.
    Posted by dixiewhiskey[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL  Reading fail on my part.  My apologies.</div><div>
    </div><div>Congrats on your little girl.</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:0f8a737d-aa0e-43d9-a676-3c93961cd5d2">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : LOL  Reading fail on my part.  My apologies. Congrats on your little girl.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    All good! And thank you!
  • More importantly...

    Who the eff says "lady in waiting"?  

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  • edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-lady-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:004ff337-b474-426b-996b-dc87357d16bdPost:f259fe48-8a3b-46cf-b787-a69e059f2321">Re: New lady in waiting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: New lady in waiting! : OP, I'm not sure you're at the right place.

    From Wikipedia: A  lady-in-waiting  is a female personal assistant at a royal court , attending on a <strong>queen</strong>, a  princess, or a high-ranking  noblewoman . 
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    So what you are saying is that I do not have ENOUGH ladies in waiting?  I needs me some more biiiitches.  It would make my life so much easier.  Who else wants to lay in wait of me? 
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