How to break the news to mom!

lharris23

Hello everyone!

First off i would like to say that i am 19yrs old and my boyfriend is 21. We are both currently in college and have been dating for over a year. Within six months of dating we both knew how strong our love for one another was. We were in the mall just the other day when he stopped infront of the jewlery store and told me to go pick out a ring:) I could barley breath i was so in shock/excited/overwhelmed! My mom knows that we are very in love with one another and she loves him like he is her own kid. This is where im having trouble, i am my mothers baby girl (six kids, three girls three boys and im the youngest girl, my sisters are already married) and i dont know how to hint to her that i want to get married, because my boyfriend is to scared to shock her by just asking her for my hand without her knowing its coming. If anyone has any advice on how I could hint to her it would be great!


To clear this up a little for some of you guys that were confused:
One of my other sisters was married at 18, and she now has two kids and a perfect marriage, My other sister got married at 25 and is doing well also. Im not worried about her telling me im too young, because we are planning on a year engagement so i will be 20. And yes he bought me a ring, but he hasnt asked me yet because i want to talk to my mother first, Im just not sure how to bring to topic around? I just know she is gonna be happy for me, but i also know its gonna break her heart at the same time because i am her baby girl.....

luvdncn90

I'm confused, are you worried your mom is going to be upset by it? If she loves him then I don't see why she would have a problem with you guys getting engaged. Do you think she will say you are to young or something?


In my opinion, if you are adult enough to get engaged, you should be adult enough to be honest with her and tell her. Unless you have some issues with your mom or aren't very close, then I could see the hesitation, but you seem like you have a good relationship with her. So do the adult thing and just tell her, no hints.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:27bf4fac-2f17-4cb0-a7ea-b15ae76e2cf7">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused, are you worried your mom is going to be upset by it? If she loves him then I don't see why she would have a problem with you guys getting engaged. Do you think she will say you are to young or something?<strong> In my opinion, if you are adult enough to get engaged, you should be adult enough to be honest with her and tell her. Unless you have some issues with your mom or aren't very close, then I could see the hesitation, but you seem like you have a good relationship with her. So do the adult thing and just tell her, no hints.</strong>
Posted by luvdncn90[/QUOTE]

This is perfect advice. If you are old enough to get married then you are old enough to be honest with your mother. Tell her what you've told us and be prepared to listen to what she has to say with an open mind.

RoyalSpoiledOne

Hint to her that you want to get married? Didn't your fiance just buy you a ring? I think you're past hints and need to move to something more direct, like, "We got engaged."

loves2shop4shoes

If everything you said was true about your mother loving your SO, then theoretically, she should be happy for you.  I'm assuming by your including the immediate preface of "I'm 19, he's 21", you are concerned that your mother will tell you that you're too young to get married.

There may be some merit to that.  19 is very young to make major life decisions.  And one year is not a lot of time to REALLY know some one, especially given how young you are.  Does that mean that it won't work out or that it's necessarily wrong?  No.  But you need to tread with caution here.  If your mother tells you that you're too young, it's because she loves you and only wants what's best for you.  You should listen to (not just HEAR) what she has to say.

Can you two support yourselves financially?  Are you both working on your education/a trade so that you can both become productive, self-sustaining members of society?  Are you planning on paying for your own wedding?  Frankly, if the answers to all of those questions is "yes", then when push comes to shove, you don't really *need* your mother's approval.  If the answer is no, then you become forced to listen to any concerns she might have, as she may be able to leverage her money.

Either way, you should just tell her.  Rip it off like a bandaid. 

alanna91

My boyfriend and I are the same ages as you and your boyfriend, and when my mother found out we were going to get engaged she was a little worried. She wasn't worried about me being with him, but she thought I would start focusing more on engagement and married life and maybe even pop out a few babies. I had to reassure her my goals would not change if I got engaged and married.

Honestly, you and I are still young. We're at a point where we are making the decisions to set up the rest of our lives. If you're engaged to someone, you're going to be with them for the rest of your life. You need to be sure that whatever occupation or lifestyle you two have are compatible enough to survive a marriage. The rest of your life is a pretty long time, in fact; it's the longest amount of time you'll know on this Earth.

 If your mother is worried about you getting engaged at a young age, it may be because she's concerned you will focus more on building up your marriage than becoming successful in school or work. Hopefully, whatever plans you've set out for yourself won't be altered by marriage!

PaigeMcC

Mom X and I are thinking about getting married.

The end.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:284673b2-b722-4fbd-b6b7-acc8aa4d7dc9">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]If everything you said was true about your mother loving your SO, then theoretically, she should be happy for you.  I'm assuming by your including the immediate preface of "I'm 19, he's 21", you are concerned that your mother will tell you that you're too young to get married. There may be some merit to that.  19 is very young to make major life decisions.  And one year is not a lot of time to REALLY know some one, especially given how young you are.  Does that mean that it won't work out or that it's necessarily wrong?  No.  But you need to tread with caution here.  If your mother tells you that you're too young, it's because she loves you and only wants what's best for you.  You should listen to (not just HEAR) what she has to say. Can you two support yourselves financially?  Are you both working on your education/a trade so that you can both become productive, self-sustaining members of society?  Are you planning on paying for your own wedding?  Frankly, if the answers to all of those questions is "yes", then when push comes to shove, you don't really *need* your mother's approval.  If the answer is no, then you become forced to listen to any concerns she might have, as she may be able to leverage her money. Either way, you should just tell her.  Rip it off like a bandaid. 
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

I agree with Shoes on this one.

If you just want to tell her that you two are THINKING about getting married in the future, and that it seems like your relationship is heading in that direction then just talk to her about it. My family knows that my BF and I are in a serious relationship that's working towards that. But they also know that we aren't going to be getting engaged for a while longer.

If you're looking at telling her "oh hey, we're engaged" then again, just sit down and talk to her about it. But do realize that she is most likely going to be concerned about your young age and your shorter relationship. And she will have some valid points to make in that aspect. You ARE young, and there really isn't any rush to get engaged no matter how in love you are. But that doesn't mean you can't be in a serious relationship heading towards that.

Sit down, talk to her, and listen and take to heart what she has to say. Then think over her reaction and what she said for a little while, and then maybe discuss it again if there are any issues you two want to discuss further together.

Blue & White

I talk to my mom pretty often.  But I never hinted at the fact that BF and I will be getting married someday.  She just knew. 

Then again, at 19, she wouldn't have even guessed.  I had other priorities at the time.  Plus, I wasn't dating boyfriend.  So that would change things too

jeanacorina

Sit down with your mom and talk to her like you're a grown-up. If you think you're mature enough to get married then you should think you're mature enough to have a one-on-one conversation with your mom as two adults.

If you're concerned that she's going to say you're too young, then you're just going to have to face it. She might say that. I would say that. I would tell you that you are very young, and that while you can certainly make your own decisions, I would suggest that you guys have a long engagement... at least 2 years or more. You are already together and already in love. You lose nothing by waiting, however you stand to gain a lot of maturity and strength in your relationship. Waiting can only make your future marriage stronger.

Also, I would suggest to anyone, no matter their age: get premarital counseling of some kind. Whether it's religious or not. Again, counseling before problems ever arise can only make your relationship stronger. It gives you an outsider's view on things and teaches you the tools you'll need to successfully face all the good and bad times that come with life.

I wish you the best of luck.

SeaTea02

Are you perhaps worried about your mom's reaction because you know you are moving too fast and are young for this? 

You have only been together a year and you are still in college. A freshman, sophomore maybe? What is the rush?

Also, I hear a lot of "we are soooo in love" --- love/lust/infatuation does not necessarily make a marriage. Make sure you have the same values and are compatible beyond puppies and rainbows. Because you haven't been together very long I suggest premarital counseling. 

bourgehm

I got engaged at 19. And FI and I wish we would have waited a few years longer. A four year engagement is not ideal.  Are you in college? Would you graduate college first? 

There are lots of things that you need to think about. First figure out a rough sketch of your timeline. If you're in school, seriously, don't get engaged now when you will need to wait four years until you graduate. You don't need to 'hint' at her. Just tell her, "hey mom. BF and I want to get married and this is why. Here's when we'd like to do it." Then hear her out. If she is upset, listen to her. It's important to try to understand where she's coming from and to try to listen to her suggestions. When we told our parents, they told us they wanted us to wait until graduation. At first we were like "NAAA AHHH!! WE DO WHAT WE WANT!!!", but then we realized that that really is teh best decision since I really wanted my degree, and it was important to me to get that.  So go into the conversation with open ears, not closed ones. It will make the process so much easier if you don't wreck ties with your family. 

Beads921

Just out and tell her. She might not even be surprised. I am a little worried that neither you or your BF are comfortable enough to tell her though - if you're really ready to get married, it shouldn't be a huge deal. 

Also, unless you're planning to get married soon, I see no rush to get engaged. Like bourgehm said, long engagements aren't ideal. I'm also still working on my degree, and until that's done, marriage is most definitely not a priority (I've been with BF 3.5 years, and we live together, and that works for us right now). 

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:746fa16a-4377-4d84-9dd4-fbc69803ad09">How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone! First off i would like to say that i am 19yrs old and my boyfriend is 21. We are both currently in college and have been dating for over a year. Within six months of dating we both knew how strong our love for one another was. We were in the mall just the other day when he stopped infront of the jewlery store and told me to go pick out a ring:) I could barley breath i was so in shock/excited/overwhelmed! My mom knows that we are very in love with one another and she loves him like he is her own kid. This is where im having trouble, i am my mothers baby girl (six kids, three girls three boys and im the youngest girl, my sisters are already married) and <strong>i dont know how to hint to her that i want to get married, because my boyfriend is to scared</strong> to shock her by just asking her for my hand without her knowing its coming. If anyone has any advice on how I could hint to her it would be great!<div>Posted by lharris23[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div><div>I have not read PPs yet.</div><div>
</div><div>If you or your BF are too scared and don't know how to bring it up to your parents, I suggest holding off getting married for a bit to give you both time to grow up.</div>
</div>

jemmini6

I know not every situation is the same, but I was soooo in love and wanted to marry my college BF when I was 19 too (although I still would NEVER have gotten married before I graduated, if you are in love now, you should still be in love in a few years when you finish college).  We dated for a year, we even lived together for a little while.  Then we broke up and it was honeslty the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Like PP's have said, if you are mature enough to get married, talking to your mom should be the least of your worries.  Getting engaged now is okay, but please, for your sake, wait until you are finished with college to actually get married.  It's not even about your age, but college should be your #1 priority right now...

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:746fa16a-4377-4d84-9dd4-fbc69803ad09">How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone! First off i would like to say that i am 19yrs old and my boyfriend is 21. We are both currently in college and have been dating for over a year. Within six months of dating we both knew how strong our love for one another was. We were in the mall just the other day when he stopped infront of the jewlery store and told me to go pick out a ring:) I could barley breath i was so in shock/excited/overwhelmed! My mom knows that we are very in love with one another and she loves him like he is her own kid. This is where im having trouble, i am my mothers baby girl (six kids, three girls three boys and im the youngest girl, my sisters are already married) and i dont know how to hint to her that i want to get married, because my boyfriend is to scared to shock her by just asking her for my hand without her knowing its coming. If anyone has any advice on how I could hint to her it would be great! <strong>To clear this up a little for some of you guys that were confused: One of my other sisters was married at 18, and she now has two kids and a perfect marriage, My other sister got married at 25 and is doing well also. Im not worried about her telling me im too young, because we are planning on a year engagement so i will be 20. And yes he bought me a ring, but he hasnt asked me yet because i want to talk to my mother first, Im just not sure how to bring to topic around? I just know she is gonna be happy for me, but i also know its gonna break her heart at the same time because i am her baby girl.....
</strong>Posted by lharris23[/QUOTE]

I don't believe any of us were "confused" by your age. Here's the reality: you are young, very young. What's the harm in waiting a couple more years before getting engaged and married? Because 20 is still very young. Ultimately, it is your choice and your life so you can talk to your mother about this. It isn't something you need to slyly slide into an everyday conversation with her. Just say "Hey Mom, there's something I'd like to talk to her about".

I honestly don't know why there are so many questions about how to bring this up to parents. There's no set script for this. She may not be thrilled with the idea of you doing this, and that's part of reality. You will need to deal with that, but there's no way of convincing her otherwise right off the bat at this point in time if that's how she feels.

SeaTea02

You still haven't mentioned how you plan to support yourselves while in college and married at age 20. 

And your sister has the perfect marriage huh? Just based on that statement I can tell you aren't mature enough for marriage. 

I am 20, but I will be waiting until I am 22, out of college, and supporting myself before we get married. Why are you rushing exactly? 

lharris23

What i ment by my sister having a perfect marriage is that i admire her and her husbands relationship. Yes they were young, but they have grown together and helped each other through life.

My boyfriend is a welder and makes plenty of money to support the both of us.

And we have thought about waiting, but we have both agreed that we are ready to take the next step in our relationship. Next year i am getting an apartment with other girls and he already lives in an apartment with other guys, because i think its best that we both still have the "College" experience. We are planning on getting married the summer before my junior year, so i dont think this is really being rushed? We both feel like this is the best decision for us.

lharris23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:0b045411-6ff4-4032-80e3-29d6cba56bc1">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How to break the news to mom! : I don't believe any of us were "confused" by your age. Here's the reality: you are young, very young. What's the harm in waiting a couple more years before getting engaged and married? Because 20 is still very young. Ultimately, it is your choice and your life so you can talk to your mother about this. It isn't something you need to slyly slide into an everyday conversation with her. Just say "Hey Mom, there's something I'd like to talk to her about". I honestly don't know why there are so many questions about how to bring this up to parents. There's no set script for this. She may not be thrilled with the idea of you doing this, and that's part of reality. You will need to deal with that, but there's no way of convincing her otherwise right off the bat at this point in time if that's how she feels.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

This was very helpful:)

lharris23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:2112daef-37a5-435a-bed7-0685ef972763">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I are the same ages as you and your boyfriend, and when my mother found out we were going to get engaged she was a little worried. She wasn't worried about me being with him, but she thought I would start focusing more on engagement and married life and maybe even pop out a few babies. I had to reassure her my goals would not change if I got engaged and married. Honestly, you and I are still young. We're at a point where we are making the decisions to set up the rest of our lives. If you're engaged to someone, you're going to be with them for the rest of your life. You need to be sure that whatever occupation or lifestyle you two have are compatible enough to survive a marriage. The rest of your life is a pretty long time, in fact; it's the longest amount of time you'll know on this Earth. ;)  If your mother is worried about you getting engaged at a young age, it may be because she's concerned you will focus more on building up your marriage than becoming successful in school or work. Hopefully, whatever plans you've set out for yourself won't be altered by marriage!
Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]


By far the most helpful!!! I am going into Elementary Education and he is already a welder, he makes plenty of money to support the both of us and he knows how important school is to me, he is actually the one who stood behind me on my decision to go to college! Thank you for the advise:)

jeanacorina

1) no one has a perfect marriage. People can be happily married, but no marriage is "perfect."

2) 20 is not a magical age where just because you aren't a teenager you are fully ready for all the responsibilities and stress of adulthood.

3) I am really glad you're going to get an apartment with roommates and continue your college experience. That's a great idea.

4) Have you looked into how marriage will affect how you pay for school? I got married just before my junior year, as well (although I'm 27). Since you have to fill in information for you and your spouse, that can dramatically change what (if any) financial aid you qualify for. I had everything paid for last year because I was single and independent. This year the only change is that I had to add DH's income to mine. I only qualify for loans and will have to pay everything back.

5) You ARE young. But you are the oldest you've ever been, if that makes sense. The extent of your first-hand knowledge of adulthood is 19 years old. Many of us have been in your shoes and beyond. That is why we're offering unsolicited advice on your age in relation to marriage. We've been there. I hope some of this is sinking in, and that you'll think about it. I was 19 years old once. I can tell you things change a lot, and your chances of a successful marriage go up with counseling and plain old TIME.

heyimbren

Do you and your BF have money in savings? Do either of you have any debt? Is your school close to where he works/ a place where he can get a job?

You haven't been together that long and you're both still very young. What do you have to gain by getting married so soon? If you're both going to be together, you can still grow together as a dating couple while you finish school. People do get married young all the time, but if you wait you're only going to strengthen your relationship and your own character in many different ways. Why not take some more time just to make sure you're ready to grow together, since people change so much during postsecondary.

ETA: by postsecondary, I mean the ages of most undergrad students. So that 17-22 period.

lharris23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:8c018f45-48b1-4053-9f5a-4e39cf20f437">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]1) no one has a perfect marriage. People can be happily married, but no marriage is "perfect." 2) 20 is not a magical age where just because you aren't a teenager you are fully ready for all the responsibilities and stress of adulthood. 3) I am really glad you're going to get an apartment with roommates and continue your college experience. That's a great idea. 4) Have you looked into how marriage will affect how you pay for school? I got married just before my junior year, as well (although I'm 27). Since you have to fill in information for you and your spouse, that can dramatically change what (if any) financial aid you qualify for. I had everything paid for last year because I was single and independent. This year the only change is that I had to add DH's income to mine. I only qualify for loans and will have to pay everything back. 5) You ARE young. But you are the oldest you've ever been, if that makes sense. The extent of your first-hand knowledge of adulthood is 19 years old. Many of us have been in your shoes and beyond. That is why we're offering unsolicited advice on your age in relation to marriage. We've been there. I hope some of this is sinking in, and that you'll think about it. I was 19 years old once. I can tell you things change a lot, and your chances of a successful marriage go up with counseling and plain old TIME.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Thank you! We have talked about counseling and it is definately something we are looking into! And with the financial aid, i have talked to an advisor and she told me that sense i am unimployed, even though he is, i will probably get more money. Right now i do not get any financial aid. Thanks again for giving me some things to think about, i will keep you updated on how thing workout:)

paintgirl

Didn't read all the responses, but if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to say, "Hey Mom, we're getting married!"

There. Done. That was easy. Next?

caitlin.cave

I'm usually just a lurker, taking in everyone else's advice, but this time I think I'll weigh in.

My boyfriend and I are also young like you two (we're both 20).  I know what it's like to be really in love with someone, and in fact we've gone a step further than that: we've been to couples' counseling (not the pre-engagement or pre-marital kind, just regular couples' counseling) because we care about each other and we want to make sure we give ourselves a chance at a really good life together.  We've discussed the crap out of every important topic and everything that couples usually argue about to make sure that we agree on the important stuff.  Sometimes, I really do want to just punch him in his adorable face, but I love him more than anything.

The point of this, I guess, is that understand what it's like to want to start the next chapter of your life with someone, but for me it's not about loving him so much that I want to be with him forever, it's about loving him so much that I'm willing to wait a little bit and let us grow together, even if it means we won't get married right away.

All that being said, if the two of you think getting married is what's best for you right now, then just tell your mother.  The boyfriend and I plan to talk to my parents together when that time eventually comes and help each other adress all the concerns they might have.  Maybe something like that would help you.  I know how nerve-wracking it can be to do that stuff by yourself.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:233a15d5-c5bc-446e-aed4-b6fa92b94c0f">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm usually just a lurker, taking in everyone else's advice, but this time I think I'll weigh in. My boyfriend and I are also young like you two (we're both 20).  I know what it's like to be really in love with someone, and in fact we've gone a step further than that: we've been to couples' counseling (not the pre-engagement or pre-marital kind, just regular couples' counseling) because we care about each other and we want to make sure we give ourselves a chance at a really good life together.  We've discussed the crap out of every important topic and everything that couples usually argue about to make sure that we agree on the important stuff.  Sometimes, I really do want to just punch him in his adorable face, but I love him more than anything.<strong> The point of this, I guess, is that understand what it's like to want to start the next chapter of your life with someone, but for me it's not about loving him so much that I want to be with him forever, it's about loving him so much that I'm willing to wait a little bit and let us grow together, even if it means we won't get married right away.</strong> All that being said, if the two of you think getting married is what's best for you right now, then just tell your mother.  The boyfriend and I plan to talk to my parents together when that time eventually comes and help each other adress all the concerns they might have.  Maybe something like that would help you.  I know how nerve-wracking it can be to do that stuff by yourself.
Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]

Caitlin, I think that's really good advice for one. Especially the bolded part, as that sums up what a lot of us younger girls on here feel like. Come play more.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:6dac7458-90fc-4d9a-8a6e-511b850806ec">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to break the news to mom! : Caitlin, I think that's really good advice for one. Especially the bolded part, as that sums up what a lot of us younger girls on here feel like. Come play more.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Ditto this! Its so nice when a younger girl comes out from lurking and doesn't make us younger girls look bad :) Please stick around!

lharris23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_break-news-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0117176e-70ec-4d8d-be76-e191a5b19119Post:233a15d5-c5bc-446e-aed4-b6fa92b94c0f">Re: How to break the news to mom!</a>:
[QUOTE] All that being said, if the two of you think getting married is what's best for you right now, then just tell your mother.  The boyfriend and I plan to talk to my parents together when that time eventually comes and help each other adress all the concerns they might have.  Maybe something like that would help you.  I know how nerve-wracking it can be to do that stuff by yourself.
Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]
 
Thank you so much for helping me realize im not alone! I came out and told my mom and this is what she said "Sweetheart, we love D (what ppl call my SO) and we think the world of him! We knew the moment you brought him home that he was the man God has sent for you."  My heart has been lifted! Now I just have to wait until he ask my father for my hand, and pops the question:) Thanks to everyone for all the advice:)