If you were pregnant and considering adoption..

Narwhal

What kind of stuff would you look for in an adoptive family?

My sister is currently working on making their profile (scrapbook, pictures, video, bio, etc) and we're trying to figure out what to include.

They're a great couple.. both very secure jobs, nice house, mid/late 20s, close families.

Suggestions?

paintgirl

Just throwing stuff out here....
Education - not saying they'd have to be PhDs, but I'd want to know what type of education they had
Religion/faith - not all people care but most have some opinion on it
Other children - whether they have others now or intend to in the future
Culture - if the child is from a different ethnic background, how will that be handled? Does the couple have any cultural or ethnic traditions they currently follow?

And somehow that's all I've got. It seems so subjective - a nice house could be important or a small rented apartment could be just fine, depending on the couple. Love comes in so many packages. I guess I can't imagine being in either position - being the couple waiting for someone to choose them or being the woman trying to choose a family.

bethsmiles

Hmmm...thats a hard question. I would look for potential parents that had been married for at least a few years, had steady jobs...I don't really know though because what critera really makes someone a good parent? I would have to meet them.

My boyfriend says a sure sign of bad parents is a meth lab in the garage...he wasnt as good with coming up with things that were helpful

Narwhal

Oh so we aren't supposed to film it in the meth lab?  Crap...

It's through a Christian adoption agency, so the religion thing is rather inferred.  They've been married for about 5 years now, I'd say.  Trying for a baby for two.  Their house is small, but big enough for a family of 3.  Maybe even 4 if they change the study..
(I'm really just talking here, this isn't supposed to impact suggestions.)

The agency said that the people that get chosen first are well off, but not rich because the birth parents prefer people they can relate to.

paintgirl

Interesting info from the adoption agency. I admire your sister and BIL. We don't know if we'll ever reproduce on our own but I don't think we would try adoption.

Watch your sis be the family that finally gets an adopted baby and then 2 or 3 months later is pregnant. It happens!

Does this agency place US-born kids or do they work with a group in another country? Are they looking for a baby or would they take an older child?

Narwhal

They do both international and local adoptions.  They're going to do a local adoption though.  They usually do not place older children except in the case of the international adoptions.  They work personally with the pregnant girls and allow them to choose the adoptive parents and then they can be involved in the pregnancy and the birth too.

I really wouldn't doubt if that's what happened to them.  There is nothing medically wrong with either of them that makes them unable to concieve.. it just hasn't happened yet.  They're taking it as a sign that there is a baby out there that is meant just for them to be their first child.

paintgirl

Wow! That's a pretty cool adoption program. Best wishes to them and keep us updated.

Narwhal

Yeah, I'm really glad they chose it. I like it a lot.  Idk if you watch 16 and Pregnant, but it is the same agency that Catelynn used when she put her baby up for adoption.

They say that the average wait time after they put their bio out to be placed is a year, but some are faster and some are longer.  I think that they will be very marketable and it has the potential to go very fast from here, but of course I think that, she's my sister.

chipypony

If I were pregnant and giving my baby up for adoption, I would look for a family that has the values that I would want my child to grow up in. I feel having pets and being more selfless (i.e. volunteering in the comunity) is important (i guess adopting counts) so I would look for a family that enjoys animals and gives back to others. So maybe they should include activities they enjoy doing and help the baby's parent(s) get a look into their life so they can really see how their child will grow up. My BF really wants our kids to be active in 4-H (we are third generation 4-H families) and scouts (he's an eagle scout).

That aside (because we are probably in the minority for that stuff), education is important and stability. I would want to see them with the whole family, to show that they have a good family network and that the child will be loved by the whole family.

nefariousmango

Pets is a good thing to add, if there are any.  I'm with Chipypony in that I'd be interested in what animals where around and how they were treated when looking at potential parents. 

That's a really awesome thing your sister and BIL are doing, we've talked seriously about adoption and I'd be interested to hear how it all works out!

**Mutley**

I've done some browsing on the adoption board on TB.  Those ladies know their stuff.

Adoption Board


Good Luck to your sister and BIL! 

Narwhal

Thanks Mutley!

KD+BC

I think one thing I would want to know is how many other children they have/plan to have and if they are/will be all adopted. I don't think I'd personally want my child adopted by a family that already has their own natural born children (I know that's not the right term but I'm dealing with a hangover and can't think). I'd be afraid that my child would be treated differently because they were adopted.

I watched 16 and pregnant and, if I remember correctly, the adoption Caitlin had is a an open adoption. Are your sister and BIL going to do an open adoption? The whole thing is very interesting to me, since I've never really seen that before. My cousins are adopted but they are from Korea and don't even know the names of their birth parents and there is no way to find out.

chipypony

Oh yes that is a good point! I wouldn't want my kid to grow up as an only child, although I don't think I would care if they had biological children or not. If I was adopting I think I would want an open adoption, although, if I was pregnant and giving up my child I don't know if I could handle having to see the child with someone else all the time, but at the same time if they turned out to be psycho's it might be better to know. Im glad your sister is considering this, my BF is very on the fence about whether he would consider it, he said he would not adopt from abroad but might consider domestic adoption. Hopefully we don't need to worry about it.

desertsun

I would look for people that read, eat healthy, and are active -- I would want my baby to go to people that valued healthy bodies AND minds!

hetshup

I would want my child to be able to travel, and learn languages. I would prefer if the adoptive parents were into sports (as in played sports, not just scream at the TV) and I would want my child to have grandparents and siblings. 

Narwhal

I think they're going to go for a semi-open adoption (which I think is what Catelynn did) where they send pictures and letters and stuff, but they are not required to have any visits if both parties do not agree.

catemeg

Personally, I'd want something I could visualize.  Perhaps they could tell them how they spend holidays?  What traditions they have?  Especially Christmas, since that's such a family holiday for Christians.  It would likely be nice for the mother giving her baby for adoption to know what the child will be doing on holidays, when she'll likely miss him/her the most.  That sort of paints a good picture of the family and its values.

I'd want to know how they were raised - what their parents were like, how many siblings they had, if their parents are still together, how they met, how long they've been married, etc.  The more stable you can make the family sound, the more likely they'll be seen as good prospective parents.  I'd want to know that they were young but not too young, well established financially and professionally, and how the child will be raised - will someone stay at home with the kid, or daycare?

dwest2201

Speaking of 16 and pregnant.  BF's sister and BIL adopted their little boy Aidan from Lori who was on the show.  They did a semi-open and have met her and her parents a few times since then and they email pictures and updates to his "baby mama" regularly.  Dunno what anyone thought about Lori and Cory from the show, but holy crap trust me that baby (who is the sweetest little guy and sooo cute by the way) is soooo much better off with Mark and Erica than he could have been with those immature kids. 

Anyways, the one thing that Lori mentioned on the show was that they had a dog and she really liked that about them... so include pets if you have them.  Personally I would be interested in hearing about your lifestyle and plans for your hypothetical family (growing it or not, traveling, how you want to spend your weekends as a family).