Mini-vent WR

hetshup

Warning: I'm about to be a brat. 

So my family has been kind enough to pay for most of the wedding. FI and I could pay for our own wedding, but wouldn't have the type of party that my family felt they should throw. When we got the budget, we had X dollars, and we have been very diligent to make sure that we stay at that budget. Today, I'm talking to my dad, and he says

"I think that all my travel expenses should be in the budget." and then proceeds to tell me that he needs to fly his girlfriend and himself out first class. So from what I can figure, we are going to lose 20% of the money that we had to have him travel. I'm so annoyed because 1) He should have said that so we could scale back on things and not have 90% of the remaining money allocated already and 2) That's why we kept it here in San Antonio, so we wouldn't have to use the money to pay for FI and I to travel to CA. 

UGGGGHHHHHH, so annoying. I know, I'm being a total brat, someone give me a sharp kick in the pants.

On another note, I thought I had a home invasion last night, so I called the cops at 2 am. So I didn't get a whole lot of sleep. 

Narwhal

Why does he have to fly first class?

Ana_2985

Oh well I hope you and your home are okay!

And that is annoying.  He shouldn't have said you can have X dollars for the wedding.  He should have told you that you can have Y dollars for the wedding (X minus the cost of his travel).  I'd be frustrated too.

KD+BC

Yeah, that sucks. Unfortunately, I have heard of this type of thing happening WAY too often. A parent says they will contribute a certain amount of money then for one reason or another, the amount decreases.

My friend is getting married June '11 and her mom said she would contribute X amount of money right when they got engaged this past New Years. She has already changed that amount twice. Once to double the original amount (2X) now to half the original amount (1/2X). My friend has decided to pretend Mom isn't giving her anything and if she comes through, it will go toward their honeymoon or home.

This doesn't help you at all but I thought I'd let you know you aren't alone. I hope your dad comes around. I'm sure he would be fine flying coach!

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-wr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:097518ab-1d24-4786-aefb-76b90cde62c1Post:3181e366-c17a-4d9f-9649-898793b8f9cd">Re: Mini-vent WR</a>:
[QUOTE]Why does he have to fly first class?
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Well, he's dating a woman who is a multimillionaire, and when she travels she goes first class. And since it's my wedding, he's paying for her to come out too, and he feels that he can't just book southwest. And he can't ask her to take the plane, so I guess I'm losing 20% of my budget. I can save the money to make up for it, but I already earmarked that money to get a band, which didn't fit in the budget. So, now I'm back to square one on that. 

</div>

noelle24

Excuse me? Oh hell-to-the-NO.

I would not be using up 90% of my remaining budget so my father could pretend to have the money to keep his ladyfriend in the lifestyle to which she's become accustomed. 

I'd offer to pay my father's airfare (in COACH) if he really couldn't afford it himself, and if the millionairess can *only* fly first class (snob, much?) then she can pay for it her damn self.  Or not come.  Their choice. 

paintgirl

She should be flying in a private jet - with her own money. Or Southwest with yours. You could upgrade them to priority seating so they can pick their OWN seat! YAY!!!

This is one of the reasons I don't want money from my parents for our someday wedding. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my mom has said, "Go get X for your birthday and I'll send you a check". Yeah. Sure.

What happened at your house? Scary!!

noelle24

Oh... did my sleep-deprived brain misread your post?  Is your father allocating part of the money he said he'd give you for the wedding to this woman's first class airfare?

If this is the case (and not him asking YOU for money), then there's nothing you can do about it because it's his money.  Sucks that you have to downgrade when you were prepared to just pay for it yourself originally, but you can't ask for or expect any more money.  Could you scale back the guest list at all to accomodate the budget change?

Also, I'd still be irritated that my father was dating a multimillionare who was too stingy to pay for her own damn way.  ESPECIALLY if she has access to her own plane.  If she only ever flys first class but still expects your father to pay, that's serious snobbery. WTF.

After reading so many posts like this on the knot, I'm only going to plan to use parental money when I have it in hand... ugh.

hetshup

See, Noelle.... Kick in the pants. Oh and I do have the money on hand, it's sitting in my account. FI and I are going to sit down with him this weekend to allocate how much he needs for travel. I can't just willy nilly hope that it's less, I need hard numbers!

Oh and she hasn't volunteered the plane, and it's not like you ask for that. Hopefully she will and I get that money back. Sigh. I know I'm being totally bratty, but  it's frustrating, why give it to me and have me work around that number for two months and then just decide that you want some back.


Paint-- I woke up and thought someone was in the house b\c the alarm , which is normally green, was red. I thought all the windows were closed because I turned on the AC. So I called the police and they took half an hour to arrive, and in the meantime I dumped adrelalin into my system for that whole time. Yesterday, was interesting to say the least. And my dad was icing on the cake.


Elope count- 3

paintgirl

Hetshup - I can see why you were afraid you sounded like a brat, but here's the thing about this that totally justifies your feelings.

Your dad's money to you was a GIFT. You already have it, so it's been GIVEN to you. Yes it is appropriate for you to be very grateful for the gift. It was a very kind gesture and was not anything you were "entitled" to - which you know. But taking BACK a GIFT is rude. Your dad made a commitment to you and is now backing out of part of it. Not cool and you have every right to be frustrated. Assuming you started at grateful and we know you, so we know you were!

It would be like giving you a sweater and pair of slacks for Christmas then, just before you plan to wear them to dinner, saying, "Oh wait - I need one leg of those slacks back. But you can keep the rest."

Just because the money was for your wedding doesn't change the protocol of gift-giving and -receiving. Still grateful to have it in the first place. Still frustrated to have lost a good chunk of it, especially for such a stupid reason.

Just sayin'...

Button5807

 Sheesh that really sucks.
Granted you can't do anything about it but I'd be pissed as well. I absolutely cannot stand when people change the rules on me.

loopy82

That is certainly sucky! Good luck! Oh and I don't think you are being too much of a brat. I would feel the same way.

katanne9

House invasion!??? WHAT? tell me more. I'm sorry, that's freaky. Even if it didn't actually happen.




I'd buy them economy seats and send them the confirmation email.

**Mutley**

That is crappy.  I don't think you are being whiny at all.

I hate when people say one thing, follow through with it and then go back on it at a later date.  No matter what way you slice it, that sucks. 

notquiteblushing

That is crappy.  When someone says "this if your budget" they usually do not mean "this is your budget, subject to my travel plans."  And flying first class?  That is a crock.  How far is he traveling"?  First class is only "worth it" IMO if you are flying internationally.  Other than that, such it up, have a drink and just chill out for a few hours.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  I don't think you're being a brat.

And oh no, were you home alone last night?  How scary!

ekathleen684

I'm sorry Hetshup
I don't think your being a brat at all. It would be one thing if you knew when he gave you the money but it's another thing to give you $X then come back and say "oh yea, that includes my first class tickets". It really should have been said earlier IMO. I completely agree with NQB- If it's not international or a 5+ hour flight (aka Hawaii) it isn't truely necessary.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-wr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:097518ab-1d24-4786-aefb-76b90cde62c1Post:35e88d26-c20a-438c-b223-29ebf07d9a9b">Re: Mini-vent WR</a>:
[QUOTE]Hetshup - I can see why you were afraid you sounded like a brat, but here's the thing about this that totally justifies your feelings. Your dad's money to you was a GIFT. You already have it, so it's been GIVEN to you. Yes it is appropriate for you to be very grateful for the gift. It was a very kind gesture and was not anything you were "entitled" to - which you know. But taking BACK a GIFT is rude. Your dad made a commitment to you and is now backing out of part of it. Not cool and you have every right to be frustrated. Assuming you started at grateful and we know you, so we know you were! :) It would be like giving you a sweater and pair of slacks for Christmas then, just before you plan to wear them to dinner, saying, "Oh wait - I need one leg of those slacks back. But you can keep the rest." Just because the money was for your wedding doesn't change the protocol of gift-giving and -receiving. Still grateful to have it in the first place. Still frustrated to have lost a good chunk of it, especially for such a stupid reason. Just sayin'...
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

^^^ This