Not Engaged Yet
Options

Is it ok or not?

So my bf and I have been dating almost a year now and are crazy about each other...and we just moved in together. We've talked about marriage and we both know that one day we will get married so that's not an issue. I would like to be engaged sooner and have a long engagement (thinking 2 years). I just went through a divorce last year so I have no need to hurry the process up like I mistakingly did the last time. The only thing is that this past fall his brother proposed to his gf and they are getting married at the end of this summer. My bf thinks that us getting engaged during any time of their engagement would be in bad taste, but I feel that as long as it's not the two weeks around the wedding it's fine as long as we have a long engagement. What do you all think?? Thanks in advance!

Re: Is it ok or not?

  • Options
    McKenna2012McKenna2012 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I replied to this on your other post, but here is what I said:

    Yes, it's fine. Just because his brother got engaged does not mean your lives have to be on pause.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Photobucket
  • Options
    MPayne14MPayne14 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First off, I'm mildly impressed that your BF would think of it being in poor taste. Maybe it's just in my family, but they tend to have trouble remembering even who is getting married. I agree with the couple weeks rule, but probably put it after - you don't want to steal their thunder right before their big day. Let em have their time and after they come back and share their honeymoon stories. Afterward would be most apropriate. Though I'd stress trusting your guy to pick the right time - ultimately it is him that'll initiate the engagement. You pushing it will just be an added pressure to an already stressful situation of gettin down on one knee. Go and enjoy the inlaws wedding and whenever he's ready, it'll happen.
    Best of luck to you and yours!
    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Friendship tickers LilySlim - Personal pictureLilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ok-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:098fd24b-e1b2-4fff-9e4b-35c74b31afa4Post:15b91e93-434b-4a92-9c53-3ad2b0c4146a">Re: Is it ok or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I replied to this on your other post, but here is what I said: Yes, it's fine. <strong>Just because his brother got engaged does not mean your lives have to be on pause.</strong>
    Posted by McKenna2012[/QUOTE]

    THIS. Just because they got engaged doesn't mean they own the month or something. You are all adults, it's whenever you as a couple are ready for that, could be same month, same week, hell even the same day. Good luck!
    Running buddies are forevah.

    image

    Daisypath Vacation tickers

    Completed 2012 Races: Cupid's Chase 5k Feb. 11th: 26:20, Donovan's Run 5k March 10th: 25:00, Statesman Cap 10k March 25th: 57:19

    Upcoming: Komen Race for the Cure 10k May 12th (SA)

  • Options
    edited December 2011
    As long as your wedding is not the same day, you're fine. It's not "stealing their thunder," It's sharing a happy time in both relationships together.

    You guys should get engaged when it's right for you. It's sweet that he'd consider his brother, but really... it's all good. They get one day- their wedding day. That's the day you guys shouldn't screw around with. Any day before, after, or in-between is fine.
    Anniversary
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    You're time line confuses me... You said you have been dating BF for a year now, and finalized the divorce last year... So you started dating BF while you were still 'married'?   Hmmmm....




    No, it doesn't matter if you are engaged for 2 years.  Long engagements can be very good.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Options
    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ok-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:098fd24b-e1b2-4fff-9e4b-35c74b31afa4Post:8f2a2a4c-b742-4236-83bc-92330fa3a3ed">Re: Is it ok or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First off, I'm mildly impressed that your BF would think of it being in poor taste. Maybe it's just in my family, but they tend to have trouble remembering even who is getting married. I agree with the couple weeks rule, but probably put it after - you don't want to steal their thunder right before their big day. Let em have their time and after they come back and share their honeymoon stories. Afterward would be most <strong>apropriate</strong>. Though I'd stress trusting your guy to pick the right time - ultimately it is him that'll initiate the engagement. You pushing it will just be an added pressure to an already stressful situation of gettin down on one knee. Go and enjoy the inlaws wedding and whenever he's ready, it'll happen. Best of luck to you and yours!
    Posted by MPayne14[/QUOTE]

    Personally, I wouldn't take advice on what is and is not appropriate from someone who can't even spell appropriate.

    There is no reason your BF has to wait until they're back from their HM to propose to you.

    Honestly, though, what's the POINT of a long engagement? Why not wait until you can actually plan your wedding to get engaged? I don't really understand why people want to be engaged for 2 years or more. I think that in some (NOT ALL) cases, this is something girls say to get their guys to propose sooner.  Do you have a good reason for being engaged that long?

    I also think that in some (again, not all) cases, saying "Oh so and so is getting married and we should wait until after their wedding" is an excuse to not get engaged.

    You need to just sit down and talk with your BF about WHY he feels that way, and WHY you want a longer engagement. Simply have a calm adult conversation about your future. Come up with a timeline TOGETHER that you are BOTH comfortable with.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • Options
    DanieKADanieKA member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's okay to get engaged when someone else is engaged. Or else nobody would ever be engaged. For the last 5 years of my life someone has been engaged or about to get married or just got married. It's fine to get engaged while his brother is engaged, but I agree with you about maybe not doing it the couple weeks before the wedding (who cares about after). 

    I'll be honest here and say personally, if it were my shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, I wouldn't want my brother getting engaged the day of the rehearsal dinner or my bachelorette party. Crazy, I know. I'll admit it, I wouldn't want my bro's girlfriend showing off her brand spanking new ring at my bachelorette party. BUT, there really is only one day you can be (outwardly) crazy, and that's the wedding day. I'd smile and be gracious and maybe only internally roll my eyes at the annoyance of that, but i'd get over it. Crazy looks good on nobody.

    But like PP's have said, you are aware that you rushed into your first marriage, it sounds like you started seeing your BF when you were separated (I'm assuming) but still married to your ex...why get engaged less than a year into this new relationship when the ink hasn't even dried on your divorce? You seem to recognize your pattern, but continue to do the same thing. It's like you feel naked without a ring on. 

    Why not just be in a committed relationship for 2 more years then get engaged? I don't care about long engagements, but you just seem to be rushing into, not marriage I guess, but an engagement. Are you a serial monogamist? Some people just can't be alone and crave that commitment, sometimes to their detriment. What's the rush?

  • Options
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ok-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:098fd24b-e1b2-4fff-9e4b-35c74b31afa4Post:8f2a2a4c-b742-4236-83bc-92330fa3a3ed">Re: Is it ok or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First off, I'm mildly impressed that your BF would think of it being in poor taste. Maybe it's just in my family, but they tend to have trouble remembering even who is getting married. I agree with the couple weeks rule, but probably put it after - you don't want to steal their thunder right before their big day. Let em have their time and after they come back and share their honeymoon stories. Afterward would be most apropriate. Though I'd stress trusting your guy to pick the right time - ultimately it is him that'll initiate the engagement. You pushing it will just be an added pressure to an already stressful situation of gettin down on one knee. Go and enjoy the inlaws wedding and whenever he's ready, it'll happen. Best of luck to you and yours!
    Posted by MPayne14[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>False. </div><div>
    </div><div>Your brother and his FI get one day. One. Not a year. Not a month. Not a season. One day.</div><div>
    </div><div>Just because two people get married, doesn't mean everyone in your family puts their lives on hold.  </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ok-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:098fd24b-e1b2-4fff-9e4b-35c74b31afa4Post:f71e7409-d0be-4f08-b7d6-ba2026e30850">Re: Is it ok or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it ok or not? : Personally, I wouldn't take advice on what is and is not appropriate from someone who can't even spell appropriate. There is no reason your BF has to wait until they're back from their HM to propose to you. <strong>Honestly, though, what's the POINT of a long engagement? Why not wait until you can actually plan your wedding to get engaged? I don't really understand why people want to be engaged for 2 years or more. I think that in some (NOT ALL) cases, this is something girls say to get their guys to propose sooner. </strong> Do you have a good reason for being engaged that long? I also think that in some (again, not all) cases, saying "Oh so and so is getting married and we should wait until after their wedding" is an excuse to not get engaged. You need to just sit down and talk with your BF about WHY he feels that way, and WHY you want a longer engagement. Simply have a calm adult conversation about your future. Come up with a timeline TOGETHER that you are BOTH comfortable with.
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    The 1st time I was engaged, I had a long engagement. I honestly think I planned it that way because I wasn't sure I wanted to get married and it gave me plenty of time to cancel the wedding. I called off the wedding 13 months before the wedding day :) It took me 6 months to work up the courage to call of the wedding. If we had been getting married sooner, I probably wouldn't have been able to do it. That was just my case, and isn't representative of all engagements :)
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I don't understand the long engagement either, and, I too, am confused by your timeline: when you were married, when you were divorced, when you started dating...

    But as far as the getting engaged while your BF's brother is engaged, I would say that's not so important. My best friend is getting married in May, and she said she doesn't care if my BF and I get engaged before or after, which I'm not expecting to happen soon, but everyone else is expecting it any minute....Anyways, she said as long as I don't get proposed to during her wedding (I'm assuming she means the reception, and I would guess the week before) then she doesn't care. I bet your BF's brother feels the same way, but it's nice that he wan't to be considerate anyway.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    April 2013 September Siggy Challenge
    image
    Red Horse Barn, Huntington Beach, CA
  • Options
    PlusEightPlusEight member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just to clarify: my ex and I separated July 2 years ago and in Cali you have to wait six months before the divorce is finalized, so we divorced Jan of last year and bf and I started dating last April Fool's Day, which means we've been officially dating for almost a year....Anyways, thanks to all who answered my question on if it would be tasteful or not, I appreciate your insight!!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards