Dealing

ravenray

My best friend of many years just broke up with me.  Needless to say I am pretty upset.  Any comforting advice you girls can offer?  Like how to get through the next day or how to deal with seeing her again (and I will we attend the same church and she is my choir director) I kinda knew it was coming.....

mana8503

I've heard of friends growing apart, having a fight and not talking... but an actual break up? 

I say be the bigger person, say hi if you run into her, but don't go out of your way.  Just morn the lose of the friendship like you would a relationship and move on. 

[Deleted User]

Since I don't know the details of your "break up" I don't know how to tell you to act around her. I agree with mana though, always try to be the bigger person.

I would say get yourself out in the world! Go out with other friends, take an art/computer/cooking/music/etc. class for fun, treat yourself to an at home makeover - do your nails, try a new make-up look, style your hair. Anything really to keep yourself busy and to put yourself in situations to meet new people.

Stay positive, be open to meeting new people and don't get yourself in a rut by sulking.

SeaTea02

Yeah I think it makes a huge difference about how to act if you just grew apart or if your friend said "I don't want to be your friend anymore. It's not you, it's me" 

Sorry, all jokes aside, tell us more. 

orangecrush32

Me and my best friend of 9 years stopped talking in August...and we live together. I tried being the bigger person and still talking to her, but it got pretty annoying when she wouldn't respond or she would direct her answer to one of my other roommates (ie: Josh, please tell Becky...) It was very juvenile. Now I just ignore her and it works out..mostly.

Elle1036

Aw, honey, I don't know the details but I know how you're feeling.

My advice now is just to treat her like you would if she were just your choir director and fellow churchgoer.  No reason to say/do anything special.

ravenray

Thanks girls! I appreciate all the advice.

More details: we started growing in different directions about a year and a half ago, which to me is no big deal because growing in different directions doesn't mean you have to grow apart.  Anyways she started hanging out with a whole different set of people who I didn't particularly like, but it had happened before and we still stayed best friends.  Anyways in the last 6 months she has been rather hurtful doing things like not telling me she was going on vacation (or really anything going on in her life which for me is how you show someone that you are good friends, you tell them things!), and other things little things that just keep hurting me and pissing me off. I realized that we weren't communicating and until we talked about what was bothering us about the other person we would never be happy with each other.  I told her we needed to have a talk and she had been putting me off since Christmas break. Finally on Monday I got a text that was the straw that broke the camel back.  Really what was said wasn't that hurtful but I was pissed.  I never texted her back.  The next day she texted me and I didn't want to text her (I know real mature) however my BF convinced me that I needed to send her an email explain how I feel and what upset me.  So I did.  I spent the whole day working on it, making sure it wasn't accusatory (Because she doesn't do well with criticism).  Anyways, she called me that night.  Told me she had been this had been on her heart for a while and that she had been avoiding me because she felt bad because she knew I didn’t have many girlfriends (which is true), but that she finally decided she couldn’t live for other people anymore.  Told me that she didn't want to be best friends anymore because I was "suffocating" her (this I am still confused about), we were so different now that she doesn't feel like she knows me anymore (which is more of reflection of her own opinion of herself, though we have changed), and what we wanted was too different anymore to allow the same honestly we had with each other before.  She also told me that she had secretes that she wanted to keep to herself (whatever, that is fine).  The part that hurts the most is that her new "Best Friend" is this empty headed, stupid girl who doesn't care about anyone but herself.  So ya.  That is just about what happened.   I don’t like being the bigger person…. (whines lol) Can’t I just go hide under my rock?

Mana- maybe break up is the wrong word, though it feels like it, we were so close for so long, but now….nothing.

Allisuve- thanks!  I don’t really have very many other friends but I will do my best to hang out with them and not dwell.  It’s better this morning.  Getting my nails done sounds like fun   But as I am taking 19 units I don’t have time to take on other classes… lol I might go crazy!

Elle- thanks.  It’s hard because my choir is like 7 people totally and I stand right in front of her. 

You’re all right I need to just man up and deal and act like it’s not a big deal.  I still have a couple of days to get use to it and prepare myself.   Thanks you girls for being so helpful.

P.S. Sorry for the novel!

desertsun

Oh, Raven, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how painful friend break ups are. *hugs*

ravenray

Thanks Desert!  I appricate all the support. BTW your siggy made me laugh.  Thanks I need that today.