Hi girls. I've just been feeling really down lately and I need to vent.
I haven't spoken with my mother for over a month now, with the exception of the one time I called her to tell her my feelings, which went really badly. I really miss her, but I refuse to sweep the whole situation under the rug and pretend like all of this is ok. I'm tired of it all.
Also, all of our wedding plans have essentially come to a screeching halt. FI and I have no idea what we want to do. We've been hoping that my dad would be get back to me and give me a concrete offer of at least SOME money to use towards the wedding, but that hasn't happened. At this point, we're less than 18 months out from our original date and we are completely lost. I'm afraid we'll lose our venues.
I know that it's looking like if I want to get married at the date originally planned on, I'll have to make serious sacrifices--either by having a DW or by having a TINY wedding. And that really upsets me. I realize I might sound like a brat here, but you only get one wedding. You can have a vow renewal and other celebrations, but only one TRUE wedding. And it's quite heartbreaking to have to compromise on what you want for your WEDDING.
I'm trying to not let this get the best of me, but I can't help my feelings. And I feel angry and sad. It's hard to focus on my school work. It's hard to force myself out of bed in the morning.
And the worst thing about the whole situation, aside from having to compromise on my wedding, is being completely devoid of the very basic thing that most people seek comfort in--the ability to pick up the phone and cry to my mom.