What is your definition of "engaged"?

shannon5176

Him asking you to marry him? 
Him giving you a ring? 
Him taking you shopping for a ring? 
Him telling you he wants to spend his life with you?

I'm interested in feedback because it seems there are varying opinions on the subject as to when you can consider yourself "engaged".

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:41ca24f8-8b18-453e-b937-321fe79bb8da">What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Him asking you to marry him?  Him giving you a ring?  Him taking you shopping for a ring?  Him telling you he wants to spend his life with you? I'm interested in feedback because it seems there are varying opinions on the subject as to when you can consider yourself "engaged".
Posted by shannon5176[/QUOTE]

Him asking you to marry him: Yes
Him giving you a ring: Yes, if paired with above
Him taking you shopping for a ring: Hell no
Him telling you he wants to spend his life with you: Hell no

BF and I have gone ring shopping, have expressed complete agreeance in that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, but this does not mean we are engaged. When he gets down on one knee, ring or not, and says, "Irish, will you marry me" ... then we shall be engaged. Point. Blank. Period.

[Deleted User]

we decided that we would be engaged when he proposed, with or without a ring. 

he proposed with a ring.  it was great.

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:76819aa8-f458-4b49-8dfd-936f0d8f4f5b">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What is your definition of "engaged"? : Him asking you to marry him: Yes Him giving you a ring: Yes, if paired with above Him taking you shopping for a ring: Hell no Him telling you he wants to spend his life with you: Hell no BF and I have gone ring shopping, have expressed complete agreeance in that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, but this does not mean we are engaged. When he gets down on one knee, ring or not, and says, "Irish, will you marry me" ... then we shall be engaged. Point. Blank. Period.
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]
This x100

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:e20f264a-eb5a-4738-9352-3bc7a55749b2">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : This x100
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

:) Thanks, love.. I thought i put it nicely <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

wink0erin

When he asks you to marry him and you say "yes."

The end.

lilphillips14

BF and I have talked about marriage, discussed how we'd like to possibly get married in Western MA (where he's from). We've gone ring shopping/looking. We are not engaged.

We'll be engaged when he asks me with a ring to spend the rest of my life with him. That's my definition.

Swazzle

When my BF asks me to marry him & I say 'yes', that is when I will consider myself engaged. It's really not that complicated. 

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:ffba4f81-99d0-4733-9b56-efff81546514">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]When my BF asks me to marry him & I say 'yes', that is when I will consider myself engaged. <strong>It's really not that complicated. 
</strong>Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

I giggled at this.

mattycam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:e838249c-ad2e-41e1-8173-08c5b13bd8ce">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]When he asks you to marry him and you say "yes." The end.
Posted by wink0erin[/QUOTE]

Sounds pretty straight forward to me

shannon5176

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:ffba4f81-99d0-4733-9b56-efff81546514">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]When my BF asks me to marry him & I say 'yes', that is when I will consider myself engaged. It's really not that complicated. 
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

Well considering some of the comments in my other thread it led me to believe that others had some strange definition that I did not.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:dc909c75-f972-407b-9eb6-7775b8938952">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : Well considering some of the comments in my other thread it led me to believe that others had some strange definition that I did not.
Posted by shannon5176[/QUOTE]

YOU SPECIFICALLY STATED YOURSELF THAT YOU DO NOT CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE ENGAGED UNTIL YOU HAVE THE RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ETA: No one can tell you if you're engaged or not.  Only you and your BF can decide that.  <u>But you are the one who told us that you are not engaged</u>.

FFSFFSFFSFFS

If your BF wants the proposal and the ring presentation in order to consider yourselves engaged, then that's what you need.  Also, you haven't told any of your family what you're doing.  Most of us think it's pretty BSC to hide an engagement from your family/friends, so.......

If you can't get your panties untangled, maybe you should GTFO as Chiano suggested in the last thread.

lennonkdc

The Rules:

 

1) All that is required for two partied to be engaged is an EXPRESS AGREEMENT BY BOTH PARTIES that they want to get married on an expressly stated date.

A. If you have a ring, you are engaged.

B. If you BOTH consider yourselves to be engaged, you are engaged, regardless of having set an express date, so long as             it is the intention of BOTH parties to set a date in the future.

2) If one party has stated that more than this express agreement is required (such as a ring, parents blessing, degree, set amount of money saved), then you ARE NOT ENGAGED. You are not engaged to be engaged, pre- engaged, or almost engaged.* You ARE in a loving, committed relationship with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Deal with it. 

3) Discussion of 'possibly' getting married in Month/Year and "kind of talking about wedding stuff" does not equal an engagement if there is no express agreement between you and your SO. You are required to STOP ALL PREPLANING AT ONCE. 

4) If you cannot afford rent/food/car insurance/any other life necessity, YOU CAN NOT AFFORD A WEDDING**. You and/or your SO need to have a LONG talk about finances right away. This is the most pressing issue, not what you want your wedding colors to be. If you are not capable of talking to your SO about money, you should not be talking about getting married. 

5) If you are young enough to tell the wise and learned ladies of NEY that "You're soooooo mature for your age", you are not. Maturity does not need to be asserted, it needs to be reflected in words and thoughts. You are too young to be getting married. 

6) If you have not graduated High School yet or earned your GED (and you are not a Troll or MUD), go do your homework. NOW. 

See also the Are You Engaged? Flow Chart 

*No kittens were killed in the use of these terms.-Gods. 

 

IrishDreamer

Lennon, SKP =

ravenray

When he asks and I say yes.  This does not mean I have to have a ring.  It just means he asked and we BOTH agree that we are engaged.  And we tell people we are engaged.

lilphillips14

The flowchart needs to be stickied.

loves2shop4shoes

Where's the chart?  Someone put the chart in.

Ring shopping does not make you engaged.  Technically, you could go car shopping at a Ferrari dealer, that doesn't make you a Ferrari owner, does it?

Swazzle

Liv! We neeeeeeeeeeeeeed you!!!

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:c8242a82-1420-4233-a625-dcfe393edbae">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Where's the chart?  Someone put the chart in. Ring shopping does not make you engaged.  <strong>Technically, you could go car shopping at a Ferrari dealer, that doesn't make you a Ferrari owner, does it?
</strong>Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Well damn... *erases that from profile* <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

bethsmiles

For my BF and I being engaged means he proposed with a ring. But a ring isn't required to be engaged. Being engaged means that you and your SO agree that you are engaged. So if one of you wants to wait until there is a ring you aren't engaged even if you both agree you want to get married someday.

shannon5176

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:1e019309-478c-453f-a087-8296786c1ddf">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]The Rules:   1) <strong>All that is required for two partied to be engaged is an EXPRESS AGREEMENT BY BOTH PARTIES that they want to get married on an expressly stated date. </strong>A. If you have a ring, you are engaged. B. If you BOTH consider yourselves to be engaged, you are engaged, regardless of having set an express date, so long as              it is the intention of BOTH parties to set a date in the future. 2) If one party has stated that more than this express agreement is required (such as a ring, parents blessing, degree, set amount of money saved), then you ARE NOT ENGAGED. You are not engaged to be engaged, pre- engaged, or almost engaged. *  You ARE in a loving, committed relationship with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Deal with it.  3) Discussion of 'possibly' getting married in Month/Year and "kind of talking about wedding stuff" does not equal an engagement if there is no express agreement between you and your SO. You are required to STOP ALL PREPLANING AT ONCE.  4) If you cannot afford rent/food/car insurance/any other life necessity, YOU CAN NOT AFFORD A WEDDING ** . You and/or your SO need to have a LONG talk about finances right away. This is the most pressing issue, not what you want your wedding colors to be. If you are not capable of talking to your SO about money, you should not be talking about getting married.  5) If you are young enough to tell the wise and learned ladies of NEY that "You're soooooo mature for your age", you are not. Maturity does not need to be asserted, it needs to be reflected in words and thoughts. You are too young to be getting married.  6) If you have not graduated High School yet or earned your GED (and you are not a Troll or MUD), go do your homework. NOW.  See also the Are You Engaged? Flow Chart  *No kittens were killed in the use of these terms.-Gods.   
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

Well holy sh1t, look at number one. Looks like I'm engaged and didn't even know it!  We agreed to the date.  It is set.  My parents are aware.  No ring was required.  I would have married this wonderful man with a twist tie. 

lilphillips14

Well if you're engaged, congratulations. Please say that from now on and avoid confusion.

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:247cad99-d729-4920-a40d-75eb860e0f1f">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : Well holy sh1t, look at number one. Looks like I'm engaged and didn't even know it!  We agreed to the date.  It is set.  My parents are aware.  No ring was required.  I would have married this wonderful man with a twist tie. 
Posted by shannon5176[/QUOTE]

If you look at subsection A - you disagreed with this. So, thereby cancelling out #!

You said you don't consider yourself engaged without the ring thereby making #1 null and void

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:247cad99-d729-4920-a40d-75eb860e0f1f">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : Well holy sh1t, look at number one. Looks like I'm engaged and didn't even know it!  We agreed to the date.  It is set.  My parents are aware.  No ring was required.  I would have married this wonderful man with a twist tie. 
Posted by shannon5176[/QUOTE]

*facepalm*  That is our point.  You are either engaged or you aren't.  Pick one and stick with it.  If you are engaged proceed to planning.  If you aren't stop ALL planning.

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:247cad99-d729-4920-a40d-75eb860e0f1f">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : Well holy sh1t, look at number one. Looks like I'm engaged and didn't even know it!  We agreed to the date.  It is set.  My parents are aware.  No ring was required.  I would have married this wonderful man with a twist tie. 
Posted by shannon5176[/QUOTE]

<div>oh my good lord in heaven. YOU WERE THE ONE TO SAY YOU WEREN'T ENGAGED WHICH IS WHERE THIS ALL STEMMED FROM. </div>

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:c237dc56-dacc-4143-bc28-bfe00b0f89e1">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : *facepalm*  That is our point.  You are either engaged or you aren't.  Pick one and stick with it.  If you are engaged proceed to planning.  If you aren't stop ALL planning.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

I think what we have here, is a clear case of a drama hoar. She certainly fits the description of someone who needs attention and creates chaos.

desertsun

Engaged = Either A) A mutual agreement between you and your SO that you are engaged and will now proceed to plan a wedding, OR B)Your SO proposing, you saying yes, and THEN planning a wedding.

Engaged =/= Planning a wedding in secret and not telling friends/family that you're engaged

shannon5176

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:057b9dda-2715-454a-be1a-6f984a79b78e">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is your definition of "engaged"? : I think what we have here, is a clear case of a drama hoar. She certainly fits the description of someone who needs attention and creates chaos.
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

At this point.....yes, I am creating chaos.  

My initial post was simply to share how EXCITED I am.  But after the "not so nice" replies I figured WTF, I might as well run with it.  I don't need validation from anyone to know what my relationship is or where it is going.  But hey, I certainly spiced up your afternoons by making you think I did, didn't I?<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> 

wink0erin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:5431d1a6-77aa-4941-adcb-db138e29a9cb">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Engaged = Either A) A mutual agreement between you and your SO that you are engaged and will now proceed to plan a wedding, OR B)Your SO proposing, you saying yes, and THEN planning a wedding. Engaged =/= Planning a wedding in secret and not telling friends/family that you're engaged
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

THIS!!!!

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_definition-of-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f62ab3e-fda0-4e9d-a5e9-7e41c57d2552Post:5431d1a6-77aa-4941-adcb-db138e29a9cb">Re: What is your definition of "engaged"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Engaged = Either A) A mutual agreement between you and your SO that you are engaged and will now proceed to plan a wedding, OR <strong>B)Your SO proposing, you saying yes, and THEN planning a wedding. Engaged =/= Planning a wedding in secret and not telling friends/family that you're engaged</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

I agree 100% with this! If you are keeping it a secret from your friends and family (and I mean really keeping it a secret not just waiting a little bit after the proposal to enjoy your engaged time before all the questions) you aren't engaged. Part of the point of being engaged is letting people know that you are planning on getting married. Why be engaged if you are just keeping it a secret? Just wait until you are ready to tell people to consider yourselves engaged.

SKP82

OP is clearly not getting this and it's going no where.  I vote to threadjack this bull sh!t in favor of funny pictures: