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How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!

So, we planned on having a memorial candle for my fiance's father, who passed away 5 months into our relationship. We also planned on having one for my grandfather who passed away when I was 3 years old. My FMIL asked us to have a memorial candle for my FI's brother-in-law. Then if we do that, we would need a memorial candle for my aunt and quite possibly my grandmother who is not doing well and we are unsure if she will make it to our wedding next summer. That's 4 candles, possibly 5. That's too many. What do you think we should do? Who and how many?
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Re: How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!

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    That's a lot of candles unless you're doing like a candelabra on the alter. Maybe just one big candle for everyone?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_many-memorial-candles-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bb1c60d4-c516-43c7-aefb-28bc1d7f0e59Post:63b26216-ed6b-46ab-860c-a67a8f47e343">Re: How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's a lot of candles unless you're doing like a candelabra on the alter. Maybe just one big candle for everyone?
    Posted by Beazilla[/QUOTE]

    I think that's a good idea.  You can list their names in the program if your family feels thats appropriate. 
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    I think you can do one candle, if you really must, and have it for "those who are no longer with us".

    Having said that, I'm becoming less and less enchanted with the idea of turning a wedding into a memorial.  It's a time of joy.  Those family and friends will be acutely aware that loved ones are not with them at the wedding.  I simply don't really see a need to add memorial "stuff".  And as you're finding out, where exactly do you draw the line?

    And please understand that this is coming from someone whose mom died three weeks before our DD's wedding.  We all knew she wasn't there.  We didn't need to light a candle, or put flowers on an empty chair, or have people carry in her photo.  DD wore a pair of grandma's earrings.  It was a private nod to her beloved grandma.

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Sound advice from the wise PPs :)  Fully agree.
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    DeadUtopiaDeadUtopia member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2011
    We're going to do one pillar candle in an engraved glass holder on the entrance table for both of my parents and FI's sister who passed and his grandma who he was really close to. I bought pretty frames and we were going to put pics of our loved ones with the memorial candle on the entrance table at the church, but the pics we're still debating on doing. I don't think the wedding should be turned into a memorial, but it also depends on your guests. I absolutely know that no one on my list would be offended in anyway in seeing the pics, but it's ultimately up to you on that. I think that 1 candle would be enough in your case though :)
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    I don't think it's so much about people being offended that there is a memorial candle or picture of deceased loved ones, it's more about turning a happy event into a sad one.
    Planning Bio

    Our wedding date is November 12, 2011

    110 invited 86 accepted! 20 can't make it 4 haven't responded yet
    RSVP Date October 12th, 2011

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    How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!  More than one is too many, if one is absolutely necessary. 

    We plan to honor the deceased in our hearts -- no photos, no candles, no empty chairs, no mentions in the program, etc. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_many-memorial-candles-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bb1c60d4-c516-43c7-aefb-28bc1d7f0e59Post:89dcaa32-3082-4b52-bfeb-593b26ce97d5">Re: How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it's so much about people being offended that there is a memorial candle or picture of deceased loved ones,<strong> it's more about turning a happy event into a sad one.</strong>
    Posted by sklink0486[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is what I was thinking.. We're getting married on 11-11-11 which is Veteran's Day and we're honoring our loved ones that have served but we don't want it to be too much of a big deal simply because we don't want to turn the fun day into a sad one</div>
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    I would like to have just one for everyone and make note in the program.
    The reason we wanted to have at least one is for my fiance's father. They were best friends and he would have been my FI's best man, they were that close. When I first met him, I told him I see where you get your looks from (mom) but you are your father. They were like two peas in a pod.
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    1 is too many, in my opinion.  My aunt, who was like a second mother to me, will have been deceased for two years by the time my wedding comes around, but I'm not doing a memorial for her.  My cousins don't need that reminder at such a joyful time.

    If you must do one, get a very large candle with multiple wicks.  :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_many-memorial-candles-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bb1c60d4-c516-43c7-aefb-28bc1d7f0e59Post:a4d8a8f1-6c67-469d-a241-f5da0d0baef4">Re: How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]1 is too many, in my opinion.  My aunt, who was like a second mother to me, will have been deceased for two years by the time my wedding comes around, but I'm not doing a memorial for her.  My cousins don't need that reminder at such a joyful time. If you must do one, get a very large candle with multiple wicks.  :)
    Posted by soontobemsc[/QUOTE]

    This. I'm very opposed to memorials at weddings; again, where do you stop? Where's the line drawn? I don't think his fater would want that sort of sad reminder on your day of joy!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_many-memorial-candles-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bb1c60d4-c516-43c7-aefb-28bc1d7f0e59Post:63b26216-ed6b-46ab-860c-a67a8f47e343">Re: How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's a lot of candles unless you're doing like a candelabra on the alter. Maybe just one big candle for everyone?
    Posted by Beazilla[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea too and you could have a sign that says this candle burns in honor of . . and then list the names.
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    We're doing a vase of flowers with a fav flower of each person that's passed, the vase will say "these flowers bloom as a symbol of a life and love remembered" That is all, no mention of them in the program, nothing more, I miss them I know they aren't there to share in our day the way we wish they should be, but I don't need to make a big deal of it!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_many-memorial-candles-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bb1c60d4-c516-43c7-aefb-28bc1d7f0e59Post:06d5dea7-aaab-4780-a231-fe96b6154cf8">Re: How Many Memorial Candles Is TOO MANY!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're doing a vase of flowers with a fav flower of each person that's passed, the vase will say "these flowers bloom as a symbol of a life and love remembered" That is all, no mention of them in the program, nothing more, I miss them I know they aren't there to share in our day the way we wish they should be, but I don't need to make a big deal of it!
    Posted by Norms Angel Forever[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm normally anti-memorial anything at weddings, but I like your idea.  It's simple and isn't too pushy or sad.</div>
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