Not Engaged Yet

Another (im)patiently waiting thread....

Hi everyone! My bf and I have been dating for 2 yrs and 8mos, and have talked a LOT about marriage. He promised an engagement will happen before the end of 2009. We have also decided not to move in together until after the engagement. Recently he has instigated apartment hunting (several times) and e-mailed lots of great places...but then says things like "let's not put the cart before the horse" .... he also e-mailed a wedding venue for prices almost a half yr ago....aargh!!! I feel so frustrated, like he gets to control the whole thing... if he plans to ask, why not just do it? I don't get that part...

Re: Another (im)patiently waiting thread....

  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He doesn't get to control the whole thing. Talk to him about your frustrations and explain that he can't use this as a power tool. He sounds like he is sending mixed signals. You are both equals in the relationship & the traditions of marriage should not change that. Just explain he can't use this as something to mess with you, as that is not fair. This worked for us: I personally don't like the surprise thing, which I explained to mine and he understood. We discussed a time-frame and we were open and honest. Our time frame was a season & a year. So it was flexible & didn't ruin the surprise of how he proposed.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • edited December 2011
    Guys don't think like girls.  They can take a girl ring shopping just to get ideas for a year down the road without realizing "oh, this means she'll think the engagement is going to happen in the next couple months!"It's possible your BF doesn't even realize the effect that emailing a venue or an apartment complex has on you.  I'd try to relax and let it go, personally.  He said it will happen by the end of 2009.  At most, you've got 5 months to wait, which isn't very long at all.  If you've got logistical things to discuss about moving in together, talk to him about it.
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  • rzeffirorzeffiro member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls! I know you are both right- I just have to chill :PI know he isn't trying to torture me or control the relationship; it is just hard because I have wanted a proposal for about  a yr now and I kept thinking it was coming and it hasn't. But he has promised it will before the end of the yr, so we're almost there :)
  • edited December 2011
    I completely understand your frustrations! I've also told my BF that I really don't want to live together until we're at least engaged. His lease ends in October and has been talking about his move...which frustrates me that he's putting the cart before the horse (as is your BF). However, my BF is saving to pay for the ring in full before he puts the ring on my finger. Perhaps your man is doing the same? Maybe he's already found the ring and is making payments until the day he can give it to you free and clear? =)I know my BF has been talking wedding forever, and in his mind...we're already engaged. I bet that's what your BF is doing too, he's just excited and feels that his heart is already betrothed, so he's preparing for the future before the reality can be solidified.
  • edited December 2011
    I can feel you frustration. my bf and I have been dating for over 2 years also and he talks about getting married. he talked about getting married when we were first dating. He is an amazing guy, super romantic but WTH!! He has taken me to look at rings more than once, he mentions venues, and etc. I am confused, I dont know what he is waiting for. I feel that he shouldnt  talk about marrage and stuff if he isnt ready or soon to be ready. I love him and dont want to rush him but i mean come on. We even talk about when we want to get married. Next year in march. Thats a year away and he still hasnt asked me. It makes me so frustrated. I really want to have children in the next few years and so..... Anyway. I love him and I know it will happen but it sure is frustrating in the mean time.
  • edited December 2011
    Oh and I agree with you that it seems like the man is getting to control everything.  They dont want to be pressured into anything and they dont want to do anything they dont want to do. But what about us? I hate the fact that he get to decide when we get married/ He is almost running that part of my life. Why dont they realize that they are doing to us what they dont want us to do to them. They are forcing us to wait. Thats not fair either. I just dont think my bf understands that. it should be a couples decison together. I shouldnt have to feel unpset when i think about getting married. It should be a happy thing. Also I heard on the radio where they were making fun of women and how they do crazy things to get guys to marry them. Now i dont think thats neccissary but if guys wouldnt make a woman wait to long then they might not have to have these crazy thougyts. hahaha
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