Yay for Communication!

jeanacorina

BF and I looked at rings again. He purposefully made it very clear to me that he's been looking for a while, and that he's just waiting to find the RIGHT ring for me. Which is freaking awesome.Since that was happening, I decided I better bring up something very important to me-- how to raise our future kids.Color me (pleasantly) surprised when, before I could even say what my concerns were, he explained to me his idea of a good compromise (since we feel a little differently on the particular subject at hand) and it was PERFECT.That is why I love this guy! Because... I don't know... we're so open and we can talk about stuff and reach agreements... and... he's awesome.Now I feel way better, because I so do NOT want to be discussing how to raise our kids (and possibly disagreeing) AFTER we get married.

notquiteblushing

Well cool.  Yes that's something you want to be on the same page about.  And money. And household responsibilities.

jeanacorina

Money and household responsibilities are good to go. We've been living together and have had a joint bank account for over two years.It used to be I made the money and he did the dishes... now he makes the money and I cook dinner. The dishes... well... they get done at some point.

notquiteblushing

LOL yeah I hear ya.  He does them more than me.  He also cooks more than me.  I guess it's good he's finding that out now.  :-)

jeanacorina

Yeah, we have no secrets anymore. He knows I hate folding laundry and would rather leave it in the basket in the bottom of the closet and just use the wrinkle release stuff in the morning... and he's okay with that.I know he likes to read video game magazines in the bathroom, and will leave a trail of magazines to each of our 3 toilets. I'm... kinda okay with that. I mean, I think I'm going to buy 3 magazine racks and limit him to the magazines that fit in said racks. The rest of his "collection" can be stored in the office and rotated out as he sees fit.We did that before when we had one toilet, and he kept the bulk of his "vintage" (read: 1999) magazines in a drawer and kept a maximum of 4 on the counter. I think if we can work this dilemma out, we will have a successful marriage.

notquiteblushing

I'm pretty sure having more than one toilet is essential to a successful marriage as well.  I'm jealous of your three though.

Acrosthec

LOL at the magazines.BF uses the hall bath and I use the Master Bath so that we can both shower in the morning before work and neither of us has to get up early.  The Master Bath is clutter free and generally clean; the hall bath (which is also the one our guests use, sadly) is filled with Warhammer novels and is constantly dirty.  The ratio of times the bathrooms are cleaned is easily 4:1, but he tries, and he does the cleaning himself when he makes a big mess, so he's working on it.  :)He's also taken over my desk.  He's a gamer, so he uses the computer at the house A LOT, so I let him set up his massive desktop on my desk (he didn't have one because he had always used built-ins in his previous apartments/his parents' place/etc.) and my computer is hanging out in the living room.  I think I've turned it on three times in the past year, and that was just to print things or listen to music while I cleaned.  Anyways, the desk is COVERED in filth, books, and papers.  I just cringe when I walk by it, and pick up any legitimate trash trash and dirty dishes to try and keep it under control.Our biggest issue is dishes.  He leaves them EVERYWHERE.  He didn't care when he lived by himself (he had flies in his kitchen sink..ugh), and when he lived with his parents his SAHM picked up after him so he didn't have to worry about it.  He's picked up some bad habits, but after communication about what I expect he's getting better.  Eventually maybe he'll get it.  When he runs out of clean dishes and has to wander around the house finding them.  :)We also had the kid talk a little while ago.  We're on board with how to raise them, which is great news.  He said he's also on board with my timeline for having them, since it's my body and all.  My mom had pretty severe health risks in having me, and even though her mother was fine, I'm still worried it may be genetic and would like to be done having kids by 35.  And no more than two.  He was ok with both requests, although he said if we have two girls we may have to adopt a boy so his family name can carry on, since he's the last male.  ;)Sorry that's so long.  Apparently I'm bored and talkative.  I think I'm just ancy because I'm supposed to get my rings back today and I'm worried they're going to blow me off.  I'd hate to have to make a scene in their store tomorrow.  I'm not a scene maker. 

jeanacorina

Dude, we just moved in to this apartment 2 weeks ago, and I was like "WTF? A 2 bedroom apartment with 2 1/2 bathrooms??? What's the other bathroom for?"So, the cats have their own bathroom. We're all very happy with this new arrangement. It beats the hell out of the shoebox we lived in before. Yay for BF finally getting a great job so that me working is purely optional!!!My job pays for the third toilet, I guess....?

jeanacorina

Acro-- we USED to both be gamers, although since I quit my job as assistant manager at GameStop, I have been loathe to play anything more hardcore than the Sims 3. And even then, I can't take it for more than an hour at a time. I wonder what happened.I am also the one who scatters dishes. I have 3 glasses by the master bathroom sink as of this morning. He always brings me a glass of water when he comes upstairs, because I have to take my BC and iron pill and I ALWAYS forget to get a glass of water... and I think tap water is icky and warm.I just don't bring the glasses back to the kitchen. I dunno why, you'd think I would since I go down to the kitchen in the morning to feed kitties.

notquiteblushing

Wow all that real estate talk last week made me realize that if we were to try to move out of the condo and into a house in the near future we couldn't live in the city and have more than 1.5 baths, which is dumb since we have 2 full baths now. And done having kids at 35 seems like a good idea to me in some ways but I doubt it will be my reality as I'll already be 30 when we get married and we don't want to start trying for a year.  But I guess if I had two back to back.  Hmm, scary thought.

jeanacorina

NQB, he and I had the "house talk" before deciding to move to a bigger apartment. We decided we don't want a house until we have need of a yard, which is after we have kids (like, toddlers). Which is at least.... I don't know... 5 years from now... ish.We plan to stay on BC when we get married, but if we "oops!" get pregnant, we won't really mind. He's got a stable job and I graduate college in about 2 years. Ideally, I would like to start actually trying for kids shortly after I graduate. He thinks that sounds fine.That would put me at about 28 when we start having babies. Older than I thought I wanted, but it's fine. I want to be done around 30 or shortly thereafter. We plan to have 2, so that's doable.Hopefully I can get one potty trained before the other comes along.

notquiteblushing

Yeah we want to have more money saved up before we start trying because I want to be home with the little bugger for 8 months so for the 6 months they hold my job for me I want to have money to take the blow out of not getting paid.

Acrosthec

Yup, I'll be 28 in October, and likely we'll be married before I turn 29.  We figure save up a bit and start trying when I'm 30, then have two fairly close together. At first I was concerned about two back to back, BUT there are certain advantages to that that I'm seeing with my godchildren.1)  Clothes, toys, bottles, everything can be used for both kids if you plan correctly (although clothes may be more gender specific, but whatever).  If you have two close together you never have to put this stuff in storage, and then when the last one outgrows it, you can pass it on to friends or sell it or give it to Goodwill and be done with it.2)  The mother of our godchildren never had a chance to lose weight after her first child, but I think I'd prefer that.  It's a pain the the butt to lose weight, especially as you get older, so I'd prefer to only have to do it once, after the second child is born.3)  You get into a routine.  Much like studying for law school or the bar exam, when you were doing it, it was something you just had to push through.  Looking back, most of us would NEVER do it again.  I've had lawyer parents explain parenting the same way.  It's much easier to just say "this is my life" for a couple years and go through the midnight feedings, etc. back to back than it is to go through it and then get a break and have to go back to it.4)  Your kids will always have a built-in playmate that is their age.  Sure they may hate each other as they get older, but that goes away in time.  :)So there you go, 4 reasons I would definitely consider kids back to back.AND the jewelry store called JUST NOW.  They have my rings and I'm going to pick them up in an hour when I go to lunch.  Huzzah!!

Malakia02

I found a 6 bedroom house for $75,000 on the market yesterday.  Granted the house needs some major TLC, but I teach classes in welding/woodworking and BF has built houses before through his church.  BF said we can't get the house for logistical reasons (and he is right) but I have just been so bummed about losing this opportunity.  And kudos jeana for talking about this kind of stuff beforehand.  I love hearing about happy and balanced relationships- it makes me feel better about the world we live in ;o)

jeanacorina

Yay Acro! Don't forget to still let the manager know you're VERY unhappy with the situation.Mala-- Yeah, I'm pretty stoked that my BF and I can talk about things openly AND that we agree or can easily compromise.We're just so freaking awesome together.

twinkie757

It's good that your bf is trying to find you just the perfect ring. I didn't realize how much work my FI went through to find a nice ring until we went looking for wedding bands and he showed me all of the rings that were "contenders".

notquiteblushing

Yeah about the ring acro! And those are good reasons too about the back to back.  We'll just have to see what happens I guess.

Acrosthec

I officially have my rings in my purse on my desk.  SO happy.

twinkie757

post some pics soon!

Acrosthec

Haha!  Well, I'm still NEY, but if you guys want to see the rings that I've been so worried about, I have no problem taking a couple pictures and posting them. :)Gimme a minute.

Acrosthec

I have problems posting more than two pics in a post, so this will be a couple posts long.  Apologize in advance.Here ya go Twinkie!  First up is the engagement ring:[IMG]<a href="http://i31.tinypic.com/11rw01e.jpg" rel='nofollow'>http://i31.tinypic.com/11rw01e.jpg</a>[/IMG][IMG]<a href="http://i26.tinypic.com/rsrgu8.jpg" rel='nofollow'>http://i26.tinypic.com/rsrgu8.jpg</a>[/IMG]

Acrosthec

And then this is the ring I wanted modified so it could be a wedding band, using the stones and as much of the original gold as possible, but dipped white to match the e-ring:[IMG]http://i30.tinypic.com/nx9bx4.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i25.tinypic.com/ivzvdg.jpg[/IMG]Please excluse my lovely hands.  Yes, I bite my nails.  Yes, I'm aware it's a disgusting habit and I need to stop. 

PandaBurr

That's gonna be an awesome set when you get your band finished. I demand more pictures then too! Also, maybe a hand shot of you wearing the e-ring?

Acrosthec

Also, maybe a hand shot of you wearing the e-ring?Haha, not until I'm engaged! Bad karma or something.

twinkie757

beautiful!!! i don't know how you can resist putting that ring on..

PandaBurr

Boooooo (urns) on superstition! Tell him to propose already because some random internet stranger wants to see hand shots.

twinkie757

I agree, tell him to propose! I want to see the set when it's complete, it'll be gorgeous~!

Acrosthec

Haha. Yes, if only that would work!

twinkie757

Just trick him into thinking it's his idea

Acrosthec

Because we encourage deceptiveness and tricking your BF into proposing on this board.  That's why everyone thinks we're BSC!

twinkie757

That's very true, but the girls that truly are BSC are usually the ones that post once and are never heard from again. The frequent posters here are actually quite normal in my opinion -whatever that is worth since we're all internet strangers