Long Distance relationship and planning

daydreamwanderer

Hey all - this is my first post. I'm afraid I'm going to get pretty sucked into all this wedding business soon though. :)My BF and I live across the world from each other (I live in China, where my work has brought me, and he lives in the States still). We are starting to talk about getting married, but the soonest I'll be able to make it back to the States will be January. I expect to get engaged then, spend a month with him, and then come back here until July. We're thinking about the first weekend in October for the wedding. We'll get married in my hometown, which is hours from where he lives. How realistic is it for me/us (he wants to be involved, and actually he's got great taste - and wants everything fancier than I do!) to plan a wedding in that amount of time? And from far away until July? I will move back to the States in early July if we get engaged in January, so I'll have 3 months in country for planning. That seems really short, but I don't see a lot of other options besides waiting, and I'd rather not spend MORE time away from him (me in my hometown planning, him in his current city working). Anyone else struggling with the distance issue? Also, how much is too much to think about BEFORE we're engaged, knowing it's coming? Thanks!

meshellyoo

Welcome to the board! I am a lurker as well, but have been replying to some posts here and there. I too am in a LDR, but that will be changing soon as I am moving to BF's hometown within two months. We have discussed getting married as well, and have looked at rings. He is very old school and wants to do things traditionally, so until he proposes with the ring, we aren't making any firm plans (dates, location, etc). I know it can be hard not to think about marrying the love of your life, you are anxious to start your life together. Especially knowing a ring is coming and you both know you want to get married.  Being so far apart can really suck. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but who wants to be alone 95% of the time? As far as your situation, it's hard to say if 3 months would be a realistic timeframe to plan a wedding. It depends on where you are getting married and what type of wedding you are having. What kind of budget are you looking at? Is there anyone in your hometown that can help you research and plan? If your BF wants to be involved, can he research things online and send them to you, to save you time and give you ideas? If you are wanting something small and intimate, i'm sure you can pull something off in a short amount of time. If you are wanting something larger, it may take more time and you have to consider availability in addition to cost. Also, each couple is different as far as when they consider themselves engaged and start planning. Some people feel if you are planning a wedding, you are engaged. Some people feel, until you get the ring and the question is asked officially, then you are engaged. It is really up to you and your BF to decide when you consider yourselves officially engaged and want to start planning. Once you start signing contracts and putting down deposits, you are in full swing! Best of luck!

daydreamwanderer

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, meshellyoo! distance is so hard... it stinks. We're both pretty laid back, which is nice, and want a more casual, comfortable wedding, and both of our families live in my hometown where we'd like to get married -- maybe the moms can team up and help us. :)I think you hit the nail on the head though -- when are we really engaged? Because in a lot of ways it feels premature to be planning, but I know if we wait to start when we get the ring on the finger, it'll be dangerously late. If we can at least get ideas in mind ahead of time, I can have a whirlwind of scouting locations (that we've already decided online we like and are in our budget), taste caterers, visit florists, etc. out of our preselected few. Right? Here's the dilemma -- will my old fashioned parents see it that way? Our budget is largely dependent on them (I work in non profit, and my BF is an elementary school teacher), so I need to discuss with them soon!

meshellyoo

I feel your pain.  But I am resolving the distance issue soon!!  I have a friend who planned her whole wedding not having her engagement ring.  She started about a year beforehand and was full force!  She got her ring the week before the wedding, they had an "engagement" party because they lived in California and were getting married in Colorado.  So, to each his own.  If you and your BF decide that you want to get started and get the ring later, that is your choice.  I know me personally, I don't want to have a long engagement, but I don't want to start planning anything just yet.  Mainly because we have to decided what would be most cost effective.  He wants to just go to the JOP, he says it's about the marriage, not the wedding.  At times I agree, if I went to the JOP, I could get married anytime I want.  A lot of it has to do with money too.  We are both in the position where we have eliminated a lot of debt, so I really don't want to run up more debt by throwing a costly wedding.  I'm all about small budget!  But this is both of our first marriage and I would like to do something memorable.  Small, intimate and low budget with taste!  I am pushing for Vegas......we shall see. 

meshellyoo

And don't get me wrong, I say I don't want to plan anything, but yes, I like to check out The Knot to get ideas.  It's the organized planner in me.  I can't help it.  I don't know why I do it though, because i'm sure by the time I get engaged, I will just say, "IT'S ABOUT TIME....Let's just go to the courthouse"!  Maybe that's what he's doing, trying to wear me down.  LOL.  We are both single parents, we plan on having another child once we get married, so we don't need the whole fairy tale wedding.  I'm fine with just him, our kids, our parents and siblings.  Very simple and sweet.  ;o)

daydreamwanderer

Wow, vegas eh? When I lived in Southern California I went to a few vegas weddings. They never seemed to turn out quite how the couple envisioned them. If you're looking for quick and dirty though, it's definitely the route to go! I'd like a semi casual ordeal. If we were getting married in the summer, we'd be doing it outdoors in a park somewhere, with a barbeque afterward instead of a reception. But we're opting for fall (it fits better with, well, a lot of things), so I've been trying to find a place that do barbeque catering indoors, or else figure out what the fall equivalent of the backyard bbq is :)At least my BF wants to be involved! He has as many ideas as I do - although his are somewhat less cohesive. One minute he's saying buffets take too long and his grandma's going to pass out from hunger, the next it's that plated dinners are too formal. I'm learning to ask more questions of him and use more details - "what's more important? that people get fed quickly, or that we keep it casual?" and then he's able to process a bit more. Guys just don't obsess for years over this stuff the way we're cursed to!