Not Engaged Yet

I really don't understand..

The posts that say: Im tired of waiting for my bf to propose, should I leave him?  Ummm, if your considering leaving him then he's smart not to propose!  Of course your excited and getting antsy, but if you really are setting deadlines for him to pop the question then your not ready to make the commitment to each other.
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Re: I really don't understand..

  • edited December 2011
    Agreed. Its almost as if they are saying "I am so excited to have a super flashy engagement & wedding where I am the center of attention and all my friends & family fawn all over me... I don't care who it's with".
    BabyFetus Ticker

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    Being married is a real thriller! =)

  • edited December 2011
    I agree. Why would you leave someone who you can't wait to marry? In what world does that make sense? And no, I'm not talking about people who have been together for years and years and whose boyfriends don't want to ever get married. That's a different scenerio.
  • PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's more like the scenario that lolo just said. I can understand walking if the guy you're with keeps stringing you along and never shows any inkling of wanting to get married. If you don't agree with your partner on something as big as marriage, then I think that's definitely grounds for leaving. However, if it's just someone who's being pushy and isn't mature enough to sit down and have a real discussion about it, then yeah. They're not ready to make that commitment.
  • edited December 2011
    Different views on marriage and kids are dealbreakers. You can love someone with all your heart and want to be married to them, but if your basic life goals are incompatible, it's not fair to either of you to stay in the relationship.  In those cases, it's fair to ask the question "how long am I willing to stay in this relationship to see if things change?"  Especially if the issue is over whether or not to have children.  Women can't have children indefinitely, so if you're in your 30's and been with a guy for a while who's not sure if he wants kids and you absolutely have to have them, it's best to walk.  No matter how much you love each other.
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  • edited December 2011
    The posts that say: Im tired of waiting for my bf to propose, should I leave him? Ummm, if your considering leaving him then he's smart not to propose! Of course your excited and getting antsy, but if you really are setting deadlines for him to pop the question then your not ready to make the commitment to each other. My thoughts: In a relationship, both parties needs should be met. So, if the woman wants to get married and the man does not (or vice versa), problems will arise. To me, every woman should talk about marriage within the first year of the relationship to see where his head is. The woman should also be aware of how long she is willing to wait if her bf is in on the fence. Lastly, if he says he does not want to get married, she should believe him and move on if that is what she really wants to get married because you cannot change a man.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree. If you're that willing to walk, then you probably shouldn't be getting married. I mean, obviously there are cases when it will be necessary to leave if he doesn't propose, but in general these people are just impatient and only want the wedding, not the marriage.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
  • edited December 2011
    anneandjj, I respectfully disagree. I want to marry my bf but I'm not interested in a wedding. Whatever we decide to do is going to be small and pretty low key. We may even JOP it. I want to get married because I want to be his family. Also, we decided to wait until we are engaged to live together. So, I'm really excited to get engaged so we can live together (I definitely feel ready). My bf and I are not that young (I'm 27 and he's 29). So, I honestly don't see why it would take him a very long time to decide to marry me or not. He knows what he wants. Also, we're both pretty stable (or as stable as people can be in this economy). So, if my bf was stalling for no good reason, I would take it as a sign that something is wrong with the relationship.
  • edited December 2011
    Goldlie, I am referring to the people who are ready to leave if he won't propose right away and there's no necessity to the rush (I realize I wasn't entirely clear, although you might have understood anyway and just disagree). Just my opinion. I don't know if that's the case with you or not.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
  • edited December 2011
    anneandjj, I agree that people don't need to rush. It also depends on how old both people in the couple are and where they are in their lives. Also, it depends on how much time you spend together. Having said all of this, most people know when their relationship is at a standstill. If that happens and he does not know if you are the one, then it might be time to move on (even if you love him).
  • edited December 2011
    When I moved in with my BF (now FI), we had already been together for 3 years and talked about marriage. I told him that if he didn't propose to me by the end of our lease (12 months) then I was leaving. My reasoning was that if he's still undecided (he had the funds already saved) after a year of living together, then he would probably never change his mind and he would be wasting my time. He proposed shortly after we moved in together. I might have a more cynical view on love/commitment though. My FI is certainly special to me, but I would rather be single than to be with someone who is not on the same page with me, no matter how much I love him.
  • trevette1981trevette1981 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would rather be single than to be with someone who is not on the same page with me, no matter how much I love him. I totally agree.
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