Throwing your own party?

Musicmajor

In icequeen's infamous thread about the 'surprise engagement party', she mentioned that the couple is not supposed to throw their own party...is it really bad ettiquette to do that? (please ignore the ridiculousness of the rest of the post in your answer). I think that's what BF is planning, because he has the ring already but he's waiting until a certain day and everyone but me (including both sets of parents) knows what the date is. Will people think this is tacky? I thought itwas a really sweet idea...

salt78

Yes...it is very poor etiquette to throw your own pre-wedding party.

sapphirebaby926

It is poor ettiquette to throw your own engagement party - engagement parties, showers, bachelor/ette parties are a gift and are thrown by someone else for you.

notquiteblushing

That doesn't sound like an engagement party, more like an elaborate proposal witnessed by your close family.

jeanacorina

I'm with NQB, it doesn't sound like an engagement party... it sounds like a proposal party.

Heather822

It definitely has the potential to be way tacky & gift grabby. I guess it depends on how its done though. If you genuinely just want to celebrate with your friends, I would imply on the invite 'No Gifts Please'.

noelle24

In theory, yes it's poor etiquette to throw your own engagement party.  But I also think it depends what is the norm in your area and how you think your friends and family will take it. My FI had a friend invite everyone over for a rooftop party the evening we got engaged.  Once we showed up, we surprised people with the news we were engaged.  Everyone was thrilled and happy, and no one seemed to think it was in poor taste.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with someone saying "Hey, we just got engaged. To celebrate, we'd like to invite everyone over to our apartment for dinner".  These are always really informal, and we do the exact same thing for birthdays, or work promotions, or any other event worthy of celebrating.  No one in our circle cares.  The caveat is, none of these are ever gift giving events.  If you throw your own engagement party and expect gifts, then yes, I'd find that rude.

Musicmajor

There won't even be invitations...and definitely no gifts! I just think he's (verbally) inviting our close friends and family to be there and celebrate with us when he proposes. Of course, I could have the wrong idea altogether...but the 'proposal party' is my best guess, from what he's told me.

salt78

Yeah I guess what he's doing doesn't really sound like an engagement party so much as he is trying to plan a fun proposal.

oceana919

If it's a party/celebration tied into the actual proposal, and there's no expectation of gifts, etc., then I don't think that's poor form/etiquette. Actually, I think it's kind of sweet that he wants your fam/friends to be there to celebrate his proposal.In terms of an actual engagement party, that should not be thrown by you. Engagement parties are supposed to be thrown by family, or (if the fam isn't that involved) close friends.

sapphirebaby926

yeah after re-reading your post I agree with others - this sounds like more of proposal party than an engagement party

Daisyca99

If you want to celebrate your engagement, just throw a party  and don't call it an engagement party. Then announce at the party of your good news. Ditto PP on your BF's plans that he's planning to propose in front of your friends/family and it's not really an engagement party.

Acrosthec

Some friends of ours got engaged and then the weekend after the guy threw a big party for his FI.  It was a surprise for her, and he had invited both of their families and all their friends by word of mouth.  It was just a dinner buffet thing at a nice restaurant and a chance for everyone to congratulate them and show off the ring.  In my mind, that's an engagement party that he threw for them, and more specifically for her.  I was unsure whether I found this tacky or not (but was leaning towards yes), but kept my mouth shut because no one else seemed to be questioning it at all.  In the end, her dad ended up paying the bill, so I guess even though her FI invited everyone, he didn't end up actually hosting the event?  I don't know.In any respect, it doesn't sound like that's what your BF is planning if he's tying the actual proposal into it.  I think you'll be fine and no one will question whether it's tacky or not.