Not Engaged Yet

What makes you nervous about your future life together??

It makes me nervous that neither of us our 'set' in a career. We are 26/27.  I've been working in a career for the past 3 years, but I am going to law school next year.He just received his Bachelors and is going into business with a friend. (They already have several clients/projects for the fall).We will move next year, to the US for law school, and I will be unemployed, and my boyfriend will come either with me or if his business is doing well he would move a semester later.As we both talk about which State I should go to law school and where we plan to settle and make careers, it scares me that we are getting engaged/married even though we aren't settled yet and aren't entirely sure where or  what  we will end up doing with our lives.   But we are sure that we want to end up with each other, and after 4+ years together we are committed to making sure no matter what our life decisions are, we make them together. In some way I feel the dilemma really tests our relationship. As deciding to get married means that our relationship is more important that a possible career opportunity that would not fit the others needs. (Although we are both very supportive and willing to move for the other person, but inevitably there are certain risks that committing yourself to someone could limit your future opportunities). What makes you nervous?I should say before I get comments that my boyfriend WANTS to move to the US, even more than I do. So we are not just moving for me going to law school.

Re: What makes you nervous about your future life together??

  • edited December 2011
    I am a bit nervous because I just made a HUGE life decision this weekend about not returning to SGU's vet school...so my nice predictable career path now looks like a watermelon after a Gallagher performance.  However, I do have the options 1) apply to a US vet school 2) big girl job 3) big girl job until US vet school.  Though I am completely bummed about losing thousands of dollars in tuition and not finishing the program (because the financial aid department screwed us over), at least I can stay in the US now and be with my other half and our dog. 
  • edited December 2011
    I'm nervous about the same thing you are. While we are both finished with college, neither one of us are in the place we want to be career-wise and financially. I have my "real" job, but damn this economy and state budget my hours got cut about a month ago and the job just doesn't feel good enough to support what I need... or what we need. And though he is 26 and advanced in his career, he feels stuck in a rut with his position, too.Thankfully it doesn't cause tension in our relationship, but finances are our biggest hurdle and a huge reason why we put off things. We're just stuck in this cycle of working hard, coming home and paying bills. We try to end the day by reminding each other that this "phase" won't last forever and that we aren't the only people with this challenge... and that this is just another "test" for us. I'm okay with putting off an engagement and wedding until our life feels more stable and secure. Despite how much I browse this website, I'm not in a hurry.
  • edited December 2011
    Not much makes me nervous, I am usually very go-with-the-flow and have faith that things will turn out fine as long as I keep on truckin'...But, I am a little worried about my boyfriend when we start a family. We had a talk the other day, and we're totally in agreement on the when/how etc... but he has never had any experience with pregnant women/tiny babies/etc. After seeing how freaked and stressed out our friend is about his wife getting pregnant, I'm worried my poor BF may say "Sure, let's start a family!" after I graduate college... and then when I announce that I'm pregnant he'll turn all greenish.He's a strong person, but change scares him. That's a big change.I know we'll be fine, and I'll probably be a bit scared, too. I have tons of experience with friends and relatives being pregnant, having babies, me babysitting babies, being a full-time nanny a few years back... I got it just about as well as anyone can get it before having done it themselves.I just hope my BF doesn't have a mental breakdown when we get around to baby-making.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm a little nervous because his doctor just told him his cholesterol levels are dangerously high and I'd kind of like him to be around for, say, forever.  But he's going on cholesterol medicine (hopefully just temporarily!) and that news pretty much kicked his butt into gear to start eating healthy and working out (and trying to lose weight) the way his doctor has been telling him to for a year.  So I'm nervous but I think his doctor has made it clear to him that he needs to make this lifestyle change and he's on board with it.
  • PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dunno if I'll be able to transfer as planned, and graduate when I want. I dunno when the boyfriend will finish his degree. He also says he wants to do a post-doc as well, but isn't sure, and doesn't know where. I dunno if I'll be able to get an internship next summer like I want. I have the next three years planned out, and I'm worried that it won't work out as planned and then I won't know what to do.
  • edited December 2011
    It's up in the air when my FI and I will graduate (stupid ph.d's).  When we get married depends on when his parents can afford to fly halfway around the world to be here for it, which depends on when my FI and his brother are graduating from grad school. Thus, I don't know when I can move to be (finally!!) with FI and we can't set an official date yet.  Good lord, I just want to graduate and move forward with my life already! Enough with living in limbo!
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't have a lot of fears about our future together. The biggest one is how my family will react if we choose never to get married. My mother is traditional in this way, and I'm sure it will be a bit frustrating for a while. I also worry about work benefits - or lack thereof - to help pay for some of our family medical expenses (basic dental, prescriptions, eye care, etc), because I know he won't ever have that, and there's no guarantees for me either.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
  • lzimm13lzimm13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My biggest fear is that I'm graduating in May and I don't know if I'll be able to find a job to save for a wedding and a house. He'll be graduating with his associates in 2011, which is the summer we were (tentatively) planning on getting married. And I told him he could work part-time and go to school full time (rather than working full time and school part time, like he is now) and finish his bachelors faster so we could move long distance. now I'm beginning to think that everything will be a financial mess and a huge bad idea....I don't know..stress.
  • edited December 2011
    For the long run I am worried that I'll never really get a teaching job. If things don't turn around soon I'll be at the baby stage in life -which to us means being a stay at home mom. I know this is really outdated, but it makes sense since we're going to be farmers too. By the time the kids are old enough for school and I want to teach again, I might be overlooked because I didn't work in my field for so long. Right now I'm worried that my volunteer position I signed up for this year is going to hurt us financially. The living stipend is less than minimum wage and more than 40 hours a week. I think this might end up putting too much stress on FI to be a provider before he graduates.
  • Mrs.MasieMrs.Masie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What makes me nervous about our future life together is that he will get a job overseas and we'd have to move. It's not the end of the world, but i grew up there, spent 23 years of my life there and i want to settle down here and make this my permanent home. But it would avail so many wonderful opportunities for his career and my career could work anywhere in the world, so there would be no real reason for us not to.
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  • edited December 2011
    Biggest Fears for Our Future: 1) At the moment, we have no idea where BF will go for his Ph.D. 2) We're both still in grad school and will be so for at least the next two years.3) We have no idea if we'll be able to have kids (medical issues) or how difficult it will be if we can.

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  • edited December 2011
    1) School for me isn't going so hot and there is a chance I may transfer again or...I don't know what.  Transferring to this college was a giant mistake that I wish I could undo.2) FI's mother does not know about my infertility, but we have kind of left it on a need-to-know basis or as when she actually asks us about trying to get pregnant, etc.  We plan on adopting internationally.
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