Opinions wanted

Acrosthec

About a year ago BF and I got an engagement announcement from a couple.  He was friends with the guy in college, and we see them on occasion at parties and football games.  The announcement said they were planning a Fall 2010 wedding, yadda yadda.  This past week, all of our friends received save the dates from said couple for their wedding next July.  We didn't get one.  While part of me is almost relieved that we don't have to go to another wedding (because I'm pretty sure the bride doesn't like me for whatever reason), BF's initial reaction was "wow, that's sort of...tacky, isn't it?"  I told him that while it's considered tacky to send a save the date and not send an invitation, I didn't know the etiquette rules of sending an announcement and no invitation.Anyone out there know the answer?  Is he justified in feeling a little snubbed?  Or does the "save the date = invitation" rule not apply to announcements?

notquiteblushing

Yeah it's pretty tacky.  I've never heard of sending out engagement announcements though.  Engagement parties yes, announcements that are mailed prior to mailing STDs just seems excessive.  It's not for a while though, maybe they're sending them in rounds (also tacky of course). But that reminds me...we got an STD for a wedding this October and have yet to receive the invite.  That wouldn't really bug me except the STD left out where the heck the wedding was...as in where in the world.  It's either New York or Pennsylvania we think, but I would like to at least look into making our travel arrangements at this point.  If we don't hear this week I want to have FI (his friends) email the couple but then again I don't want to assume we're invited (even though they sent the STD).

Acrosthec

Oh that's a rough spot to be in.  I can't believe they didn't have the location on them! Isn't that the whole point of save the dates? So that people who have to travel can make arrangements? Weird.Engagement announcements used to be very common around here.  I'm guessing that since they got engaged two years before their wedding they figured it wouldn't hurt to send announcements to everyone they knew?  I don't know.  Seems like a gigantic waste of money to me.  Your family is going to find out, and these days most of your friends will find out on facebook or some other internet networking media. I remember the bride complaining about how the company sent her more save the dates than she ordered and fewer envelopes, so there is a good chance she's doing it in rounds and waiting for the extra envelopes to come in.  But still, at that point I'd send the first batch out to family that I know will have to travel and hold onto all the extras for sending to friends until I got all the envelopes and could send out another large batch, just so that I could make sure no one felt left out in any way by having some people get them and not others.  Maybe I just over-think things.Either way it kinda upsets me, because now BF is thinking that for whatever reason all of our friends were invited to the wedding and we were not.  He feels left out and upset, and it just infuriates me, because even if she is waiting on more envelopes, there was an easy way to avoid it by just waiting a week to send out the "friend" batch.  If we really were left out, it won't bother me, but it'll probably get to him pretty badly. 

noelle24

 If we don't hear this week I want to have FI (his friends) email the couple but then again I don't want to assume we're invited (even though they sent the STD).NQB, I'd totally be emailing the friends.  An STD usually says "Invitation to follow", so I'd assume I'm invited.  It's fair to ask where the wedding is so you can make travel arrangements.  Acro, I don't know what the official etiquette is for wedding announcements.  I'm a little fuzzy on how they are different from STD's, so I'd probably also assume I was invited.  Yeah, it's tacky to ask the couple, but I'd be tempted to ask them what's up.

noelle24

Also, I thought wedding announcements were sent out AFTER the wedding to people who weren't invited.... you know, if the couple eloped or something.  Your situation just sounds odd to me.

notquiteblushing

Yeah I think our compromise solution is just to ask one of their mutual friends first if they got their invites.  We don't talk to this couple so often as it is so I don't want to be all awkward "where's my invite?" Speaking of which, I may be sending my own save the dates soon, yay!

noelle24

Yay for save the dates!  How's it feel to be under the year mark? /threadjack

notquiteblushing

It feels good but it also seems so far away even though everyone is saying it goes fast.  Also so many people are asking me how the "planning" is going and I don't feel like I have much planning left to do.  I'm not DIYing anything.  MAYBE pocketfold invites but after spending so much time trying to design STDs I finally gave up and outsourced it.  Still trying to get into shape before I go dress shopping but I'm not one of those people who are obsessed with the dress.  As long as it's white and doesn't make me look like a house I'm cool.Have no idea about flowers or centerpieces but hey I got time.  So that's where I am right now with the wedding./long livejournal post

MustangSally67

I believe proper etiquette says if you send someone an engagement announcement, they should also be invited to the wedding. But I'm with you, seems like a waste especially to sent STDs later. Besides, what does the announcement say if it doesnt have wedding details? "we're engaged, but havnt decided if we're inviting you to the wedding. Just wanted to you know!"

Acrosthec

Noelle~This was an engagement announcement, not wedding.  We got it last fall about a month after they got engaged.  I have no doubts that even if we're not invited to the wedding, we will be on the wedding announcement list as well and we'll get yet another piece of mail from them.Mustang~Yes, basically the announcement said: "Congratulations to Boy and Girl They are ENGAGED!Planning a Fall 2010 Wedding"The picture was of "them."  Sorta.  It was mostly of her holding up her hand so everyone could see the ring, and he was halfway in the picture because it had cropped him out on the side and centered on her.  We thought it was incredibly absurd/tacky and laughed a bunch, and then assumed we'd get a save the date and an invite when they were mailed out.  The announcement said nothing about the date other than they were looking to plan a fall 2010 wedding.  Apparently their date is actually in July, as I saw on their save the date magnet that was on a friend's fridge this past weekend.  When questioned when said friend got the magnet because we hadn't received ours, they said they got it just a couple days before.  So there's a chance ours is still coming, but it seems most people in our town received theirs last Friday, and when we checked the mail last night we still hadn't gotten one, so I'm guessing it's not a *good* chance.

noelle24

Well, Acro, if you don't get an invite, I think you dodged a bullet.  Because you KNOW that wedding is just going to be supercalifragilicious tacktastic.

sapphirebaby926

How....strange.I've never even heard of an engagement announcement but it would seem as far as etiquette goes that if you got an announcement you should be getting an invitation.Ditto Noelle at dodging a bullet if your not invited because if their announcement is that tacky I can't imagine how bad the rest of the wedding will be.

jeanacorina

Oh THAT one. Well, why didn't you say so?I agree with Noelle.

Acrosthec

Haha, I forgot I'd talked about their announcement on here before.Yes, that one.And I do think we dodged a bullet (especially since that's two people we can knock off our guest list), and I told BF so and he kinda agreed, but was sad that all his friends will get to go to a party and he doesn't get to go.  I think he just doesn't want to miss out on a chance to see all his high school and college friends, and no matter how tacky the announcement was, he got a little excited about hanging out with everyone at the event and is bummed now that it looks like he's the only one that's not going to be there from the group.

FallinAgain

The mail isn't foolproof, ya know?