Not Engaged Yet


My boyfriend and I are basically engaged, just don't have a ring yet. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and that's enough for us. We have sort-of a future plan, he's finishing up his degree in the next year, and I have always wanted to move south (I HATE snow.) I want to move before we get married, but he wants to wait because it would be more cost-effective to have the wedding at home. I suggested we move, but come back for the wedding. Advice?

Re: Location..

  • edited December 2011
    I only live an hour away from where BF and I want to get married, and I'm already dreading planning from that distance with a full time job. A lot of places aren't open after normal business hours and I work 8-6 Mon-Fri and we're gone many weekends to see our godchildren in Atlanta, so we're going to be doing a lot of stuff over the phone and email, and cramming in visits to multiple vendors on various Saturdays that we can make it home, that is, IF they're open on a weekend.  I know most will probably be open on Saturday, but there's only so many you can see in a day. Short of it is, I'm with your BF.  I think living where you plan will not only possibly be more cost effective (that depends on where you move vs. where you move from really, or so I would think), but it'll probably be drastically easier and cause fewer headaches if you can drive down the street and deal with a vendor rather than relying on the phone/email.  JMO.
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  • edited December 2011
    I also would have to agree with your BF. It sounds more pragmatic to go the cost effective route right now if he is still in school and the only reason you want to move is to avoid cold weather.  However, if there is an excellent reason for moving south sooner (like both of you get great job offers) then it would make more sense to consider moving first and then getting married.
  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I moved across country with DH before we got married and planning wasn't too bad. I did a lot of trusting with my vendors. I really lucked out because everyone was amazing but it could have gone a lot worse. I really didn't see any flowers until right before the ceremony, I had no idea how everything was decorated, and I didn't do any DIY because I didn't want to lug everything back and forth. If you are truly a laid back person (and you have to be completely honest with yourself about this) and don't really care about details then I think planning long distance will be fine but still a bit stressful. If you want to really be apart of the planning process and see mock-ups of flowers and table linens and meet all of your vendors in person before thee wedding then you should probably just trust your BF and stay put.
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  • edited December 2011
    Another note: It does depend on your vendors.  Almost all of our vendors are people FI's family have worked with for 20+ years.  I have complete faith in them, so I didn't feel the need to check things out before securing them for our date. 
  • atlcatloveratlcatlover member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I planned my wedding from 2000 miles away and had no problems whatsoever.  Do what is best for you, and trust me the wedding will fall into place.
  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Mutley, I think it is a little nuts to plan something as big as an out of state move around a weddign that you don't even have a date for yet. I could see waiting if the wedding was this year or something, but when you aren't even planning yet, I think the move shouldn't be based around that. I think it would make more sense for him (and you) to apply for jobs where you want to live when he is done with school, and plan a moved based around that. Are you sure he wants to move at all? You don't really say anything about that in your post.
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