We Decided to Get Married

stenersonsquad

I originally posted about my boyfriend and I deciding to get married. 

I'm new here and this was my first post on any community board ever. I deleted the original post because I answered my own question just minutes later in another post. I really appreciated the advice I received but there were a few post that made me feel unwelcomed. Maybe I didn't ask the "right" question. Maybe I'm a little sensitive. I joined in so that I could connect and seek advice of others that have experienced what I will soon experience. 

Maybe this community isn't right for me. 

I want to reiterate, my gratitude for the advice.  

stenersonsquad.v

loves2shop4shoes

Head*desk

JBSMADA10

In Response to Re:We Decided to Get Married:[QUOTE]Headdesk Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]


My thoughts exactly.

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:613fc53c-ed38-46b4-83e3-c0ff61014d6a">We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! This is my first post but I need some advice! My boyfriend and I have decided to get married. We've been living together for only 9 months and together for twice that but we knew it was meant to be once we started dating. So here's the problem:  there's no doubt we'll get married. But, he's given me explicit instructions not to announce it until he does a traditional proposal.  I don't know how to keep this information in! I've already told my best friend and his mom. I told him immediately afterwards; he forgave me, but seriously?!? What am I supposed to do?!? Thank you in advance for your assistance.  stenersonsquad.v
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]


I'd pull back the reigns for now. It is hard to tell from your post if you consider yourself engaged. You say you decided to get married, but did you actually agree to get married, or was this more a "I want to marry you...someday." type thing? I know from my own personal relationship that we talked about marriage and knew that we were going to get married long long long before we actually got engaged.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:613fc53c-ed38-46b4-83e3-c0ff61014d6a">We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi!

This is my first post but I need some advice! My boyfriend and I have decided to get married. We've been living together for only 9 months and together for twice that but we knew it was meant to be once we started dating.

So here's the problem:  there's no doubt we'll get married. But, he's given me explicit instructions not to announce it until he does a traditional proposal. 

I don't know how to keep this information in! I've already told my best friend and his mom. I told him immediately afterwards; he forgave me, but seriously?!? What am I supposed to do?!?

Thank you in advance for your assistance.  stenersonsquad.v
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]

You are supposed to respect his wishes or communicate why you don't want to do it that way.  Seems fairly simple.

It all hinges on exactly what was said between the two of you.  Did you talk about getting married ONE day in the future?  Or did you decide to actually get married?  There are conversations where marriage is talked about and both parties agree that 'yes, they want to marry each other some day.'  Personally, that is not the same as getting engaged.  You need to figure out where the two of you stand by communicating. 

And <em><strong>if </strong></em>you are actually engaged, he is no longer your boyfriend. 

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_waiting-for-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ff0a3c25-123c-49a1-a057-53f338300687Post:50973f83-d735-4302-baf3-e21c5f474800">Re: Waiting for the ring</a>:
[QUOTE]Write. I absolutely need it! Especially when I start feeling overwhelmed by what's to come. It's not here yet!  I'm in the same boat, we picked out the ring but I'm waiting for him to do his thing. It's important for me to savor the moment.  Just think: After the engagement, you'll be his fiance then his wife.<strong> I had to remind myself how much I enjoy being his girlfriend</strong>. I want to get married to this man more than I've wanted anything. But, I also really love where we are today.  stenersonsquad.v
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]

I don't think OP considers herself engaged yet.

TheMutleys

Or you could take your OWN advice and continue to love where you are today...

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_waiting-for-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ff0a3c25-123c-49a1-a057-53f338300687Post:50973f83-d735-4302-baf3-e21c5f474800">Re: Waiting for the ring</a>:
[QUOTE]Write. I absolutely need it! Especially when I start feeling overwhelmed by what's to come. It's not here yet! 

I'm in the same boat, we picked out the ring but I'm waiting for him to do his thing. It's important for me to savor the moment. 

Just think: After the engagement, you'll be his fiance then his wife. <u><strong>I had to remind myself how much I enjoy being his girlfriend.</strong></u> I want to get married to this man more than I've wanted anything. But, I also really love where we are today. 

stenersonsquad.v
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:858cd6f8-a7ab-4e0b-be85-3ce26b848dec">Re: We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]Or you could take your OWN advice and continue to love where you are today... In Response to Re: Waiting for the ring :
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]


This.

stenersonsquad

We purchased the engagement ring a few months ago but in the spirit of respecting what my SO wants, I haven't made an official transfer to an engaged gal. Thanks for the feedback. 

stenersonsquad

I do really love where I am today. Engagements and wedding makes me feel bipolar. One minute, I'm so excited in the present, so excited to be his, so excited about what we have. The next minute, I'm worrying about this and that wedding-ish thing. 

Somehow, I am fixated on not just a proposal but ALL the wedding planning. 

I commented on this post minutes after I started this conversation and you're right: I should take my own advice. 

thejucheidea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:be6599a6-b5f3-4c24-86ff-eb04d08988ac">Re: We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]We purchased the engagement ring a few months ago but in the spirit of respecting what my SO wants, I haven't made an official transfer to an engaged gal. Thanks for the feedback. 
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]
My boyfriend has had the ring for over a year. Having a ring doesn't mean sh*t in terms of engagement timing.

JBSMADA10

My boyfriend has had the ring for over a year. Having a ring doesn't mean sht in terms of engagement timing. Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE] Really? A year? Damn, I commend you on your patience. Do you know exactly why he is waiting that long? Does it have to do with financial? Sorry if I'm meddling.

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:613fc53c-ed38-46b4-83e3-c0ff61014d6a">.</a>:
[QUOTE].
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]


OP, if you delete a post after it has been quoted it won't remove the quotes from other member's posts. Just an FYI.

stenersonsquad

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:5cbc4153-ebc5-446d-bbf0-0959027b9903">Re: .</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to . : OP, if you delete a post after it has been quoted it won't remove the quotes from other member's posts. Just an FYI.
Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you!</div>

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:a2133151-c3e4-466d-95f0-f92194b25a21">Re: .</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: . : Thank you!
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]

<div>You're welcome!</div>

TheMutleys

In Response to Re:We Decided to Get Married:[QUOTE]I originally posted about my boyfriend and I deciding to get married.

I'm new here and this was my first post on any community board ever. I deleted the original post because I answered my own question just minutes later in another post. I really appreciated the advice I received but there were a few post that made me feel unwelcomed. Maybe I didn't ask the "right" question. Maybe I'm a little sensitive. I joined in so that I could connect and seek advice of others that have experienced what I will soon experience.nbsp;Maybe this community isn't right for me.

I want to reiterate, my gratitude for the advice.
stenersonsquad.v Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE].

JIC

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:bd3cf719-4df4-4f8e-88ec-40b7c1489c0b">Re:We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:We Decided to Get Married:. JIC
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

Might I just say that you, Ma'am, are awesome. That is all.

stenersonsquad

Please respond to this, no seriously DON'T. This "COMMUNITY" is RUDE and very UNWELCOMING. I have DELETED my account. 

Whether passive- aggressive or aggressive-aggressive, high school is OVER. If it's not, maybe you should re-evalute your situation by taking a long look in the mirror. NO ONE should be inflicted by your agony.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:3e36505d-a238-4692-b167-c0effdf16f07">Re: We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]Please respond to this, no seriously DON'T. This "COMMUNITY" is RUDE and very UNWELCOMING. I have DELETED my account.  Whether passive- aggressive or aggressive-aggressive, high school is OVER. If it's not, maybe you should re-evalute your situation by taking a long look in the mirror. NO ONE should be inflicted by your agony.
Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm responding to this because I've re-read this thread and cannot see where people were so rude and unwelcoming. I actually think people asked you some good clarifying questions, and gave you some good advice. Was it the advice you wanted, or were expecting, I'm not sure. </div><div>
</div><div>Many of us have been in your shoes... maybe not the exact situation, but close enough. If you had wanted to stick around, we probably would have enjoyed that, but not after you call us high-schoolers and accuse us of inflicting agony on people.</div>

jaycee7389

In Response to Re:We Decided to Get Married:[QUOTE]Please respond to this, no seriously DON'T. This "COMMUNITY" is RUDE and very UNWELCOMING. I have DELETED my account.nbsp;Whether passive aggressive or aggressiveaggressive, high school is OVER. If it's not, maybe you should reevalute your situation by taking a long look in the mirror. NO ONE should be inflicted by your agony. Posted by stenersonsquad[/QUOTE]

How have you deleted your account if you are still posting? This thread was actually pretty helpful. You really need to put on some big girl pants.

thejucheidea

[QUOTE]Really? A year? Damn, I commend you on your patience. Do you know exactly why he is waiting that long? Does it have to do with financial? Sorry if I'm meddling. Posted by JBSMADA10[/QUOTE]

No, he's just not ready yet, and I'm not pressing the issue. It hurts a lot when I see people who have been together for a MUCH shorter time than us get engaged, but if he's not ready, he's not ready. He says it will definitely be before Thanksgiving so that his extended family can see the ring. He just got the huge promotion he was seeking and we just adopted our first dogdaughter together, so maybe it will happen soon, but idk. I just wish there were less WR things all over everything because it makes me feel all shitty.

Vintagelove4

I honestly fail to see why you posted again. You can't seem to make up your own mind, yet feel justified in pushing your own over complicated view point on us.

Really, make up your mind, or better yet figure out if you are engaged or not BEFORE trying to tell the world. Thank you.

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-decided-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:11e4ac0b-e6f0-4ea6-a449-cc37c502c50ePost:74970598-d0cc-4433-98c7-0ed4983d5716">Re: We Decided to Get Married</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly fail to see why you posted again. You can't seem to make up your own mind, yet feel justified in pushing your own over complicated view point on us. <strong>Really, make up your mind, or better yet figure out if you are engaged or not BEFORE trying to tell the world.</strong> Thank you.
Posted by Lilyrose4242[/QUOTE]

Well said! Well said!