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Heirloom Engagement Ring - What to do?


Re: Heirloom Engagement Ring - What to do?

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    In Response to <a href=" Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:157653e9-88d7-4a53-8a34-22c962350c3cPost:a6e1d917-f941-471c-b52d-30a0a36e7fd7">Re: Heirloom Engagement Ring - What to do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]A lot of military couples get married early because <strong>it's such a huge commitment to be in a military relationship</strong>. Under normal terms, yes HOLY CRAP you are young. But in a military relationship would any of you follow your boy around from state to state and country to country without having at least discussed, and more preferably commited to, having a long-term relationship. It's a complete dedication that many woman can't do (I know I probably couldn't) and therefore I see nothing unusual about your young age in this particular situation.  on another note, if you aren't openly discussing the ring but if you have any reason to suspect the one you don't like, it's easy enough to drop comments offhand, for example: if you're looking at jewelry (any jewelry) say "eh, gold is just not my thing" or "I like this, but I can't wear that color with my skin." he'll apply knowledge like that to his decision later; cause he's listening for your opinions. and the best part is you don't have to have the awkward conversation about the family heirloom. 
    Posted by adirechance[/QUOTE]

    I wrote a long message before you posted this, but it was eaten by TK.

    I think the reason people in the military get married so young is so they CAN follow their BFs wherever he is deployed to.  Otherwise, it's not feasible to move everywhere your SO is deployed.  Also, they get more $$ if they're married.

    My now FI was stationed in Germany (yes, Germany, another country) for 4 years of our relationship.  That was after we'd been dating only 8 months.  It was extremely hard, but also rewarding.  I am so glad that we didn't marry each other when I was 21 so I could go with him (not that we were even entertaining that idea).

    Also, I think a lot of it has to do with enlisted vs. non-enlisted soldiers.  Enlisted are apt to get married MUCH younger than the others.  They also pop out babies pretty quickly. 
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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    I agree that self-development and a career are important for anyone to develop before they get married, but where she is in that I couldn't say, everyone figures out what they want at a different pace. 

    Your note on deployment is a very good thing for her to consider.


    re-reading your introduction, I'm worried that you don't seem to have experience with the "military wife" thing. Yes, you have a LDR, but deployment is different; your contact with him will be very limited and the danger is stressful. It's hard, some people can't do it, and even if you don't change he could change in that time. If you get that ring before he's done a deployment, I'd wait until he gets back to tie the knot, especially at your age. But I wouldn't see it as a reason to say no to the question, or even a step back and a promise ring perhaps.
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