confused

princess_sweets07

Me and my BF been together for almost 7 years now we have a beautiful 4 month old daughter. Every year for the past 4 years we are suppose to get married every year I plan a wedding and every year something happen he loses a job, we have a fight and take a break but now it's 4 months until we are supposedly getting married I have explained to him that I dont want to go to another yr. like this and he continues to tell me we wil be married we will have a wedding. I guess Im not looking for advice but how do I get him to commit to getting married this year without nagging him should I even wait another year just to be let down all over again?

bourgehm

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet&MsdVisit=1

Go here. Your question has lots of similarities to Tonk's situation.

AudgiePodge

A wedding at the courthouse is still a wedding.  Cheaper too.

But then again, maybe there is a reason it always gets delayed.  

caitlin.cave

I think I need more information.  Are you engaged (not necessarily with a ring, but have you established that you're engaged)?  Does he help you plan everything out?  Do you send out invitations?

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confused-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1668e865-ecff-4b95-ad2b-a1ebaa3dbcfcPost:fcce61f5-2cc4-4908-b6bf-b3cba376f9f1">confused</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and my BF been together for almost 7 years now we have a beautiful 4 month old daughter.<strong> Every year for the past 4 years we are suppose to get married every year I plan a wedding and every year something happen</strong> he loses a job, we have a fight and take a break but now it's 4 months until we are supposedly getting married I have explained to him that I dont want to go to another yr. like this and he continues to tell me we wil be married we will have a wedding. I guess Im not looking for advice but how do I get him to commit to getting married this year without nagging him should I even wait another year just to be let down all over again?
Posted by princess_sweets07@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

I am sorry to be harsh, but I think you should consider the possiblity that this man doesn't really want to marry you.

You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

If he truly wanted to marry you, there is absolutely no reason you couldn't have gone to the courthouse at some point in the past four years.

I hate to tell you to leave your baby's father when she is so young, but if he can't commit to you....you should at least consider that it might be for the best in the long run.

TheMutleys

JIC.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confused-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1668e865-ecff-4b95-ad2b-a1ebaa3dbcfcPost:fcce61f5-2cc4-4908-b6bf-b3cba376f9f1">confused</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and my BF been together for almost 7 years now we have a beautiful 4 month old daughter. Every year for the past 4 years we are suppose to get married every year I plan a wedding and every year something happen he loses a job, we have a fight and take a break but now it's 4 months until we are supposedly getting married I have explained to him that I dont want to go to another yr. like this and he continues to tell me we wil be married we will have a wedding. I guess Im not looking for advice but how do I get him to commit to getting married this year without nagging him should I even wait another year just to be let down all over again?
Posted by princess_sweets07@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]
<em>
You were selling a dress at the end of February. </em>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-classifieds_wedding-dress-sale-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:88cfd470-2733-4f72-b942-6665357a2380Discussion:1bb7f8c5-5a55-4863-8f45-3664b1b8cc9fPost:bc38280b-737b-4447-8abc-4fbdec7312b4">Wedding Dress FOR SALE</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a never before worn wedding dress size 16 it is a ball gown type PM me if interested only $200.00 I can send  lots of detail pics
Posted by princess_sweets07@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

<em>Then, about a week ago you had your eye on a new dress.</em>

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_getting-shape_motivation-23?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:238Discussion:943f9899-6c49-42b9-aa49-93c0ecb7b338Post:413f67c4-f77e-4f0f-b546-7def560dff30">Motivation Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I'am new to the board my wedding is Sept. 18 2011 I found a beautiful short strapless dress. I currently fit a size 16 dress but my dress comes in a size 12 I just need to motivation to lose the weight instead of getting it larger
Posted by princess_sweets07@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]


<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '1719b18d-c011-47a7-b9ec-27d35678f3ba', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/9/1719b18d-c011-47a7-b9ec-27d35678f3ba.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>


Forget the whole wedding thing.  Forget the dresses.  Focus on getting a stable relationship for your child.  It isn't all about you anymore.  And it certainly isn't all about a party.

leia1979

Detective Mutley FTW.

I agree with both Desert and Mutley. You can't make him marry you. Focus instead on what's best for you and your child.

caitlin.cave

"I feel the same way I have only been alone for a week with my 3 month old but I was with my ex fiance for 7 years he just up and decided he didnt want us anymore it sucks"

(from thebump, so I'm not sure how to quote it)

So a month ago he left you?  I would not consider marrying a guy a month after he left me.  It seems to me like you're thinking that getting married will magically fix everything that's going wrong right now.  That's not really the way marriage works.  Your problems are all still there.

Also, I saw from a post on thenest that you're 21.  You've been with this guy since you were 14.  Nobody knows what they want when they're 14.  I think it's a safe guess that this is your first serious relationship.  If I were you, I would not have taken him back the first time we broke up.

ADTonk

I'm feeling a little bit of de ja vu.

If this guy is making empty promises about marriage, then he probably doesn't want to marry you. He may be telling you what you want to hear so that you stop asking him.

With that being said, combined with the fact that he left you and his daughter because he "didn't want you anymore" and that he is constantly losing his job - i'd say run, fast.

You're young and you deserve better.  Anyone deserves better than that.  He doesn't know what he wants in life and he deserves time to figure that out.  If you're not what he wants, then so be it.  You will find someone that will love you.

ekutlus

I lurk on this board occasionally but I saw this and had to post.

I was in the same situation you are in now. I met my ex-husband when I was 15, we had our first daughter when I was 17 and our second when I was 21, we got married on our 4 year anniversary (planned two weddings before that). Marrying him was the worst mistake I made. I thought that if we got married he would be the partner and father I needed him to be. It didn't work, in fact he got worse.

Trust me when I say that NOTHING will change with this man when you are married to him. He will continue to leave you and he will continue to make you feel bad. This is not a lesson you want to give to your child, that it's okay for a man to treat you this way.

The best thing that you can do is starting concentrating on you and your child, figuring out ways to create a happy life for the both of you. If he wants to be a part of that he will and if not you are SO much better off without me (please, please trust me)

Good luck!

ekutlus

PS, my marriage only lasted 10 months before I left him, but it took me 8 years to be able to divorce him.

Sparrow87

I agree with PP's he probably never actually wants to marry you.  You're better off taking care of your kids and yourself first and if you meet someone else that's better then think about marriage and partnership. 

loves2shop4shoes

2 things:

1.  Desert FTW.

2.  Mutley--ZOMG, Mr. Man has teeth now?!  Cutttte.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confused-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1668e865-ecff-4b95-ad2b-a1ebaa3dbcfcPost:9d130c95-9071-4034-88c6-ef9cd8c7cc7d">Re: confused</a>:
[QUOTE]2 things: 1.  Desert FTW. 2.  Mutley--ZOMG, Mr. Man has teeth now?!  Cutttte.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

<3

OP isn't coming back.  She didn't want to be told to leave him, you guys!  She wanted us to tell her how to get him to <strong>commit</strong>!!  Geeze, where are your reading comprehension skillz?

caitlin.cave

She posted an almost identical thread on the nest. They said the same thing, but she came back to them.  We're not cool.

SKP82

Yeah, she posted the exact same thing on TN 2 months ago!